muzohead,<P>I am troubled by the incorrect advice (according to the MB principles) you are giving everyone here.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010025.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010025.html</A> <BR><B>..for anything else, PLAN B! Don't compromise. It doesn't work!</B><BR>It does work! It is proven to work or the Harleys would NOT have this website & be successful in saving marriages!<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010112.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010112.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010191.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010191.html</A> <BR><B>Go and date, and tell her it's OK for you. Call her bluff.</B><BR>Challenging your WS is not a good idea. It will backfire. Also, it is not okay to date while you are married.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000797.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000797.html</A> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000832.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000832.html</A> <P>Plan A is to be used ALWAYS prior to Plan B. It is not something the WS agrees to. There should be no variations in how they are done.<P>Without a good Plan A, Plan B has a much greater chance of NOT accomplishing a reconciliation (It still works if there is no reconciliation because you have learned about yourself and can carry on a divorce with much less emotional trauma, one of the points of Plan B.)<P>I suggest you reread the articles on this site describing the principles & how to apply them.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A & Plan B</A> <P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

up

Chris is right. And I recall commenting on it in one of those threads he has referenced. Please be certain you have completely read and understand the principles prior to attempting to offer help on the forums. The rollercoaster right is bad enough without someone unhooking the cars while it's in motion!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Chris is always right... <P>...but... what is the use of calling muzohead out when there are MANY others doing the same? Why this message to just this one guy?<P>I wish there was some way to let each and every one who gives advice without learning the concepts this message.<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Plan A is a very necessary step, in order to save and rebuild your marriage. It lays down the path for a safe and comfortable return to the marriage.<P>I am not saying that Plan B is never necessary. I am saying that in the majority of cases (excluding abuse) Plan A should always come first. It is pretty difficult to Plan B first and then try to go to Plan A.

<B>what is the use of calling muzohead out when there are MANY others doing the same?</B><BR>muzohead is telling everyone Harley says to do Plan A ONLY if the spouse gives up the affair and totally without question recommits to the marriage. If not then Harley says go directly to Plan B. Some people say it once or twice.<P>muzohead says, (in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010112-2.html)" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010112-2.html)</A> <P>“Plan B WORKS! Plan A is only for specific cases where all the requirements for it to succeed are met. If you in doubt, re-read the material by Dr Harley again.<P>You are RIGHT, and it will WORK! Plan B also allows the BS a lot more dignity, and assertiveness. An attempt at Plan A when all conditions are not met, is a recipe for disaster. The BS ends up being treated as the proverbial doormat.<P>I, like so many others on this forum, have made the mistake of attempting Plan A, when Plan B was actually required.“<P>In the thread <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010025.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010025.html</A> <BR>“Complete honesty is a pre-requisite here. Don't ease up on him. You're a great catch, after all! Establish if he's seeing someone else. If so, OUT THE DOOR! Plan A requirements are;<BR>exclusivity<BR>commitment<BR>meeting EN's ( or a commitment to trying)<BR>POJA ( policy of joint agreement, go read it )<BR>no contact ( if after an A, )<BR>...and so on.<P>..for anything else, PLAN B! Don't compromise.“<P>In thread <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010191.html," TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010191.html,</A> <P>“Act indifferent, as if you don't give a hoot what she does...just go and do the same. ( you don't have to have a PA ), just date.“<P>In thread <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000832.html," TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000832.html,</A> <P>“There IS NO PLAN A without re-assurance of no-contact! You cannot make this decision before you know this. ( or ask the question, and decide if you accept the answer )<BR>If you re-read the MB material, you will see what I say is true. Don't compromise. It doesn't work. It certainly is NOT what the MB material by Dr Harley recommends.<P>Too many people have made the mistake of Plan A'ing no matter WHAT. ( me included ). This might cost you your marriage. Plan A only if all criteria are met, otherwise, Plan B.“<BR><P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Sounds like maybe Muzohead got Plan A & the 4 rules of successful marriage confused. The 4 rules definitely require both partners to participate. Plan A does not, and as I can testify, can be done while separated if there is contact with the WS. <BR>

Um, okay, I see what you mean... <P>...my point though, was that there are people all over these boards who are giving equally confusing (and okay, I hate to say it, but wrong) advice.<P>I would have thought that it would have been kinder to call muzo out, and maybe quote some Harley stuff and gently tell him that he's mistaken in his interpretation. <P>This seemed a bit harsh.<P>But hey, that's just MHO.<P>Chris, you're a good man, and know your stuff better than anyone. I know you know that already, but it bears repeating.

<B>This seemed a bit harsh.</B><P>Maybe, but muzohead is posting all over the place and doesn’t seem to look at the thread again.<P>So muzohead, please don’t think I am “throwing down” to you. I’m not.<BR>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited July 05, 2001).]