A few months ago, Cali had a safe place to be--MB. She could post her feelings, her questions, her fears. She didn't have to worry about sounding mean, scared, pushy, wimpy, or about making LB when she typed. Everyone here understood that she was going through something, accepted her feelings for what they were--valid emotions.<BR> Be it through what quite possibly might be her own mistake (she has as much as admitted it might have been a mistake), Cali gave up her safe place. She pointed her husband, the OW, and the OW's H to this site. While her reasons may have been noble--"maybe helping them will help me while they're at it," she has made her safe place unsafe.<BR>She can't come here to vent anymore.<BR>She can't say what she wants to say.<BR>She can't ask for advice.<BR> If she tries to do any of those things, she ends up being slammed, either by H, OW, or OW's H. How awful is that?<BR> She's tried changing her name, but through the posts, she is only "outed." Cali's safe place is a place of anger and resentment now.<BR> I am so sad for Cali, can't even think of a suggestion for her. Here's the challenge, "calling all her friends:" Can you?<P>------------------<BR>I choose to hold hands, rather than point fingers.

3H:<P>I would urge her to continue the posting here. And not only continue posting, but to do so as we have known her: as Cali.<P>For the other parties: her WS, the OW and the OW's H ... let them tell their tale openly and honestly as well.<P>Attacks on this forum against a member; particularly one who is as well-respected as Cali, will draw the fire of those herein.<P>Buck up, Cali. We are solidly behind you. And if it angers them? So be it: they drew to an inside straight and ended up a busted flush. THEY (with the exclusion of the OW's H) dealt themselves the cards they are currently holding. Their courteous and open participation is welcomed here. Angry tirades and bluster are antithema to what we stand for.<P>To G: Vented your spleen in your previous posts? Ready to participate as a human being? We welcome you.<P>To Princess/Jap or whatever the nom de plume: Post honestly and post cleanly. This is a resource for you as well.<P>To JaP2: As the OW's H, what are your aims? Do you wish to reconcile your marriage? Or just vent? Either way, this is the forum.<P>To all three other parties in this tragi-comedy: before diving head-first into the threads, it would behoove you to understand the principles that guide the forums. Take the opportunity to click on the "Concepts" link at the top of the page.<P>I honor honest dialog with rational people. I abhor cowardice and irrational ranters. Look in the mirror, which are you?<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 03, 2001).]

Perhaps Cali could email trusted MB friends.<P>I've given my email address out here before so I don't mind.<P>Cali, if you are interested in doing this, my email addresses is zorweb@hotmail.com. You are welcome to email me there. You could put together an email list and send out to a group of us who can support you. It will be a more private way to get the support you need with some privacy.<P>I would suggest that you create a new hotmail account, or a new one with some provider, just for this purpose. That way, those you seek to hurt you (Just a Person and Just a Person II) have some distance from you.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Triple H,<P>I, for one, feel Cali should stay here, among those that are her true friends. I realize what you say about this place being unsafe, but here is a safer haven than alone out there letting others control her life due to anger, resentment, and innuendo. <P>If H is blind to her love for him, then that is something he must deal with. If he is angry, then it should be at himself, not with her. What she has done has been out of love. Was she any more lost when she did her *deeds*, than he and OW were when the had the A? Was she any less of a person for posting here than JustaPerson was by going behind the back of others to chastise her knowing all along who they are and what their motives were?<P>Why must this woman, who has had her life torn apart abandon those which share and care? Why must she be frightened away by OW and OWH just because they will live a life oblivious to what has caused their problems, and most likely it will happen again and JaP will be back here reading again about his marriage falling apart? Why should she have to suffer because the other people that dont care, dont understand, and refuse to fight for her love will *feel better* if she just moves on??<P>H's anger may have been justified once or twice due to some things in the marriage we dont understand or know, but he now is using it to keep her at bay. And OW/OWH are only here to do what little children do to parents and play one against the other. JustaPerson has singlehandedly stirred the pot, kept it alive, and in effect caused it to boil over, rather than tend to his/her own business. If, in fact, they are *healing*, then it would not matter what Cali posts in here. The posts by him/her are blatant attempts to discredit this person that would love nothing more than to have her marriage, husband and family returned to her, whole and ready to work on things together. Why should one who has worked so hard for others, give up something that means so much to them?<P>Stay, Cali, you deserve this safe haven. You have support here and a great sister in Triple H. Your husband is welcome at any time!! Stay strong and keep the faith!!<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart

Triple H,<P>I, for one, feel Cali should stay here, among those that are her true friends. I realize what you say about this place being unsafe, but here is a safer haven than alone out there letting others control her life due to anger, resentment, and innuendo. <P>If H is blind to her love for him, then that is something he must deal with. If he is angry, then it should be at himself, not with her. Is she any less a person than anyone else in this world that she responded to her anger? What she has done has been out of love, anger, fear of losing her H, and insecurity as to her direction in her life and marriage. Was she any more lost when she did her *deeds*, than he and OW were when the had the A? Was she any less of a person for posting here than JustaPerson was by going behind the back of others to chastise her knowing all along who they are and what their motives were?<P>Why must this woman, who has had her life torn apart abandon those which share and care? Why must she be frightened away by OW and OWH just because they will live a life oblivious to what has caused their problems, and most likely it will happen again and JaP will be back here reading again about his marriage falling apart? Why should she have to suffer because the other people that dont care, dont understand, and refuse to fight for her love will *feel better* if she just moves on??<P>H's anger may have been justified once or twice due to some things in the marriage we dont understand or know, but he now is using it to keep her at bay. And OW/OWH are only here to do what little children do to parents and play one against the other. JustaPerson has singlehandedly stirred the pot, kept it alive, and in effect caused it to boil over, rather than tend to his/her own business. If, in fact, they are *healing*, then it would not matter what Cali posts in here. The posts by him/her are blatant attempts to discredit this person that would love nothing more than to have her marriage, husband and family returned to her, whole and ready to work on things together. Why should one who has worked so hard for others, give up something that means so much to them?<P>Stay, Cali, you deserve this safe haven. You have support here and a great sister in Triple H. Your husband is welcome at any time!! Stay strong and keep the faith!!<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart

Cali has had more than enough taken from her.....now is the time for her to take from those of us who want to give her and all the people on this forum who have emotional pain the advise and support that they seek. Stay Cali and be your regular, straight-forward, wonderful self and know that you have innumerable friends here who wish you only the best, always! <P>Strength in numbers.........<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Don't worry, never fear I never run from danger...<P>I don't believe JaP, 2 or Too. I think all three is/are OW.<P>G has apologized. He will never frequent this site again, and is sorry OW knows who I am. He said she did post here and was amazed to get thirty some replies so quickly...Jives with one of her posts.<P>All the rest is made up garbage. If you read both posts; she can't even keep her story straight. Who had A, who was WS...lies...all lies.<P>I shall remain,<BR>JustPlainCali