If you have not been reading my posts, On Sunday my W came as close to me as shehas in six months, and even suggested sleeping over. Then she called to discuss the sexual tension. <P>Now she has run the other way. I want to call her and ask her if is something I did or said. Or if soething else is wrong or is everything all right?<P>Should I leave it alone and realize she is confused and scared about her feelings for me.<P><BR>Any suggestions?<P>

JK:<P>You answered your own question: let it lay. She is confused, in and out of the fog. Assailed by doubt and guilt. Just continue to provide the safer environment, and her affair will implode of its own volition.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

STL<P>The A is over ( She still talks to him), which is one reason why she stepped to me. I just hate to see her date and meet another which is enevatable if we don't reconnect soon. <P>That would most likely send to the courthouse and out of MB.<P>JK<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR><B>JK:<P>You answered your own question: let it lay. She is confused, in and out of the fog. Assailed by doubt and guilt. Just continue to provide the safer environment, and her affair will implode of its own volition.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

JK:<P>If they are still talking, then it is not totally over. So continue the Plan A, fill her emotional needs. It will die a natural death without you having to shoot it.<P>That does not mean being a doormat, however. Feel free to lovingly, and in a caring way, express your feelings.<P>Remember the fog. Somedays it is one step forward and two steps back.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

JK,<P>Agree with STL.<P>I think it is OK to ask if she is feeling OK, or something light along those lines. Just don't bother being specific and referring to her interest, then lack thereof.<P>That is just classic, and part of this process.<P>Also, I'd be wary of saying the affair is over. Almost always, there isn't a sudden "it is over" day, if they are still talking. Only when no contact occurs can you usually say it is over.<P>In addition, many of us have speculated that it was over, only to find proof later that it was still in full swing. Sometimes they just try and get smarter about covering up. I don't know the situation with your wife, but just be wary. And also don't forget that as long as they are still talking, and doing whatever else, ENs are still being met, and the feelings that existed haven't just vanished into thin air. So it can be a long process to get to the point of no contact.<P>

Rick37,<P>I'm on to this, and realize she may go back to him. She says she can't date because it interfers with her being prepared for the kids. She said she can't do it. <P>Now, I know if she still talks to him, she most likey will cave in as it is an addiction and addicts sometimes cave. I am prepared for this. Mentally, who knows what the emotions will be. She has also said she does not want to hurt him as he more emotionally attached than she was/is. <P>Who knows, I know she dosn't. <P>JK <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rick37:<BR><B>JK,<P>Agree with STL.<P>I think it is OK to ask if she is feeling OK, or something light along those lines. Just don't bother being specific and referring to her interest, then lack thereof.<P>That is just classic, and part of this process.<P>Also, I'd be wary of saying the affair is over. Almost always, there isn't a sudden "it is over" day, if they are still talking. Only when no contact occurs can you usually say it is over.<P>In addition, many of us have speculated that it was over, only to find proof later that it was still in full swing. Sometimes they just try and get smarter about covering up. I don't know the situation with your wife, but just be wary. And also don't forget that as long as they are still talking, and doing whatever else, ENs are still being met, and the feelings that existed haven't just vanished into thin air. So it can be a long process to get to the point of no contact.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

JK:<P>The pattern you are seeing is so, so typical. WS and OP get a little miffed when told how predictable they are (so you can acknowledge it here, but not to your spouse).<P>Stick to Plan A. Move on as many fronts as possible to fill her emotional needs. In this way, you establish a trusting, nurturing environment for her to come back to.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

STL,<P>I think I made a mistake, I told her Steve predicted cedrtain things. Also I told her I keep a journal of allof our converstaions.<P>Mistake?<P>JK <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR><B>JK:<P>The pattern you are seeing is so, so typical. WS and OP get a little miffed when told how predictable they are (so you can acknowledge it here, but not to your spouse).<P>Stick to Plan A. Move on as many fronts as possible to fill her emotional needs. In this way, you establish a trusting, nurturing environment for her to come back to.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I'm not sure what you mean that Steve predicts certain things. If you mean "WS behaviors", then yes, I'd not mention that again. That would be trying to educate her, which is a no no.<P>I'd also not mention the journal again.<P>She'll forget anyway...fog does that to their brains, but I'd leave that out of future conversations.

R37,<P>i agree and hope she forgets, She just called me onthe cell,(I share my phone line with the modem).<P>First words out of her mouth , Where are you?<P>I'm at home, online.<P>Oh, I though you were going to call daughter?<P>I was just getting ready to log off. I'll call you right back.<P>Now, why does she care where I am??<P>It drives me crazy?<P>JK<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rick37:<BR><B>I'm not sure what you mean that Steve predicts certain things. If you mean "WS behaviors", then yes, I'd not mention that again. That would be trying to educate her, which is a no no.<P>I'd also not mention the journal again.<P>She'll forget anyway...fog does that to their brains, but I'd leave that out of future conversations.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>