Since I'm new here, I don't know if this question has been asked before. This question is for WS's who have reconciled with W or H.<P>What made you come home back to BS or as everyones says what did it take to make you come out of the "fog"? <P>How long did it take you to snap out of it?<P>It's been 4 mos. and not a sign of wanting to come home. It is way too late for me to start Plan A, so I'm basically on Plan B. We are not speaking at all to one another, it's been 2 1/2 weeks. As I've stated on previous post I have filed for divorce, but I really don't want it. I'm hoping and praying he snaps out of it. Please Help!!!<P>

SIS,<P>Why do you think its to late for Plan A? If you have not plan a'ed and are in plan B with out plan A'in g you don't get it and need to read plan a and and b.<P><BR>You filing is you decision, IMHO if you want to save your marraige than withdraw the filing and get to work on you. <P>Start by reading all you can here and buy the harley'r books. Even schedule a telecounseling appoitmnet with one of them.<P>Good Luck<P>JK<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by stillinshock:<BR><B>Since I'm new here, I don't know if this question has been asked before. This question is for WS's who have reconciled with W or H.<P>What made you come home back to BS or as everyones says what did it take to make you come out of the "fog"? <P>How long did it take you to snap out of it?<P>It's been 4 mos. and not a sign of wanting to come home. It is way too late for me to start Plan A, so I'm basically on Plan B. We are not speaking at all to one another, it's been 2 1/2 weeks. As I've stated on previous post I have filed for divorce, but I really don't want it. I'm hoping and praying he snaps out of it. Please Help!!!<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

SIS:<P>It is not too late for Plan A. Sit down, if you can, and have a long discussion with your WS.<P>In my case, I never did move out, and we moved quickly (through good timing in finding Surviving an Affair and this site) to restore our marriage.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

I have tried talking to him. He's says nothing to the fact that he wants to try, not even for the kids sake. I even told him that if he was going thru something I would wait. Again NOTHING! At the beginning, I read many books about saving our marriage while he was reading books on divorce. Says things like: 1) boundries have been across, and he knows he can never came back home 2) he can never be intimate with me again 3) he loves OW 4) know he can't stop messing around. With those comments coming at me, I filed for divorce. Maybe, I filed based on emotions instead w/ my head. No court date yet. I have asked him many times to come home. I don't know whether to go thru with it or not? There is a point that I have to have some dignity and get out, but as the same time I'm willing to do whatever it takes to save my family. I know it sounds confusing, but that is the way my head is spinning. Please answer my question, what made you snap out of it??

SIS...<P>To answer your question, what made me snap out of it was the hurt in her eyes, her voice, her lack of love for life, her pain, her anger...in short, I saw what I had done and wanted nothing less than to make it right. All I can focus on now is to make sure she knows how much I love her, how sorry I am, how much I want to move forward with communication, honesty, and unconditional love.<P>I think if you talk to the WS that have made that commitment, you will find many stories like yours. Don't abandon ship yet, dont give up or give in. Go back and read the segments on Surviving an Affair, Plan A and Plan B. I concur with the others in that Plan A can and should still be done. Get a counselling session with Dr. Harley on the phone and get a strategy for your next steps. No successful business or sports team ever entered a competition without a game plan and they dont skip steps along the way or it undermines the whole plan. Get back to the basics and stay the course!! Keep the faith!<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart

SIS:<P>What woke me up? Dr. Harley's books (which my wife shared with me) <I>Surviving an Affair</I> and <I>His Needs, Her Needs</I>, finding this site, and--most importantly--having a wife who had the courage and grace to give me the chance to work things through with her.<P>The things your H are saying is what EVERY wayward spouse says. It is all so predictable. It is part of the fog they are in. Perhaps you can have him read the Basics section with you (click the link "Concepts" at the top of the screen).<P>Though papers have been filed, there is still time. If he is amenable, I would even be willing to talk with him.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Thank you all so much for your replies. My H doesn't want to speak to anyone. He has isolated himself from family and friends. I have sugguested counseling. His reponse: "There is nothing wrong with me." Like I posted earlier, we have not spoken in over 2 weeks, he hasn't even spoken to his kids. Please read my post dated July 1st, my who story is there. I really hope he is in a "fog". Another question for WS (the ones who returned to family), are you the norm, or a rare case?

stillinshock,<P>I am SeenTheLight's wife so I am a BS, but thougth I'd throw in my 2 cents here.<P>It is the norm. 98% of all marriages in which an affair occurs recover from the affair.<P>Z

Zorweb,<P>Thanks, that sounds encouraging.

I am hearing the same script you are. My H moved out this past weekend.<P>I have been up and down and all around, just like you are.<BR>(My user names have changed because of OW--I was InShockInCali, StrongerInCali and Diva).<P>You will come out of shock...how? Read. Focus on YOU. Quit focusing on WS and OP.<P>I have been reading "Power of a Praying Wife." I believe I have seen the answers to several of my prayers this week. <P>You can do this. Vent here. Read posts. Answer posts.<P>One of the things that has stood out to me the most, in several books, is that by focusing on you, on changing you, on moving forward without WS, it seems to draw them to you.<P>If you don't want D, withdraw papers. Say you made decision in haste and want more time to think and figure things out. Don't give away too much (one of my mistakes ).<P>StillinShock, may you become Stronger .<P>JustPlainCali