Hi All,and HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!!!!<P>I have been struggling with several issues daily, which seem to impede rational thought on wanting to reconcile.<P>Again, she says the OM is history, (for now).<P>1 I can't imagine being intimate with her again, espically shnce she had unprotected sex with him, (espically oral). This is a real problem, as I get discouraged thinking long term. <P>2 I have devised an elaborate plan, in my mind, to protect me from the authorities, and send him to the ER, leaving him maimed for life so he has the fond memories of pursuing anothers mans wife. (this is very bothersome to me as I am trying to "forgive those who trespass upon us".<P>Note: I grew up an inner city kid, in a large east coast city, and have many Italian friends. Know what i mean? Actually have some family who joined thier team.<P>These thoughts bother me, keep me up at night.<P>I have never physically hurt anyone outside a sporting event (Ice Hockey). In fact I am some what a passiveist.<P>These thoughts push me away from working on this marraige, I think I should just get on with my life. Plus I havn't had sex since since January.<P>Does it simply mean I have more work to do on me or are these thought normal.<P>JK<P><BR>

JK - when you're done with him can you take care of mine? <P>Seriously, I think these reactions - vengence - are normal to a point. The fact that you're telling us about your thoughts means, to me, that you know you're not serious.<P>You aren't, are you?<P>Don't you need to change the air in your tires today?<P>WAT

WAT,<P>I don't know how serious I am, my plan calls for execution 24-36 months from now, when she is far removed from anyone he knows. So I guess we will see, but god help him if I run into him out in a bar.<P>I did'nt understand your question, air in my tires?<P>JK<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JK:<BR><B>Hi All,and HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!!!!<P>I have been struggling with several issues daily, which seem to impede rational thought on wanting to reconcile.<P>Again, she says the OM is history, (for now).<P>1 I can't imagine being intimate with her again, espically shnce she had unprotected sex with him, (espically oral). This is a real problem, as I get discouraged thinking long term. <P>2 I have devised an elaborate plan, in my mind, to protect me from the authorities, and send him to the ER, leaving him maimed for life so he has the fond memories of pursuing anothers mans wife. (this is very bothersome to me as I am trying to "forgive those who trespass upon us".<P>Note: I grew up an inner city kid, in a large east coast city, and have many Italian friends. Know what i mean? Actually have some family who joined thier team.<P>These thoughts bother me, keep me up at night.<P>I have never physically hurt anyone outside a sporting event (Ice Hockey). In fact I am some what a passiveist.<P>These thoughts push me away from working on this marraige, I think I should just get on with my life. Plus I havn't had sex since since January.<P>Does it simply mean I have more work to do on me or are these thought normal.<P>JK<P><BR> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

JK - an unsuccessful attempt to distract you.<P>OK, you've got me worried. Keep talking.<P>WAT

These feelings are normal...Regaining of trust happens slowly. Only you can decide if it is what you want...<P>Your mind tells your body what to do...think of these negative emotions as 'red' light indicators. If the red light stays on too long, your engine will burn out...<P>Get to the bottom of your feelings...as you do some of this anger will burn out...use a journal to write them down.<P>1. instead of emoting--showing raw emotion, describe what your feeling in calm, clear language...use I language...<P>2. playing the blame game doesn't help...I've been there, done that...it only causes more pain.<P>3. Don't deflect what's happening inside you onto others, figure out your part in all this, accept it, be responsible for it...you can't do this for others, but if you do it for yourself...eventually it makes it 'easier' for them to accept their part...<P>Your mind is a powerful tool. You can make these emotions productive or unproductive. Only you can decide what you want the end result to be. <P>Cali

JK,<P>OK, on the vengeance thing. I've done the same thing. Even turned it into a short story... I have to drive by his house a couple of times a week and sometimes I think, "Hey, sucker, you don't know it, but you are only breathing right now because I choose to let you HAAAAAHAAAA"<P>For a while these thoughts gave me some satisfaction, and I still indulge in them occasionally, but more often now, I go by his house and I pray for him. At first, those prayers had about as much sincerity as our former president denying his relationship with "that woman." But gradually it got better.<P>I'm just saying that you will heal more yourself if you let these thoughts go. And if you are not sure if you are serious or not, get rid of them NOW!!!<P>If you believe in forgiving those who trespass, then maybe you believe that Someone Else will take care of him at some point?<P>And I'm with you on the intimacy thing too. Although I haven't had sex since last June! I finally decided, I'd cross that bridge when/if it comes.<P>I hope this helps,<P>Ish

JK,<P>You've got me worried on this 24 to 36 month plan.<P>I hope you aren't serious. We all develop a distaste for the OP, but it isn't worth our time to seek vengeance. What goes around comes around. Take the moral high ground and you'll be the one coming out ahead.<P>Talk to us some more.

WAT, I can't keep talking now, I have the kiddos, plase see my more recent post, I will come back to my plan later, I think if I journal it and emote it will help...?<P>JK<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by worthatry:<BR><B>JK - an unsuccessful attempt to distract you.<P>OK, you've got me worried. Keep talking.<P>WAT</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>