Today was wife pickup the kids day at my place. Got three messages while she was on the way. "I'm putting the seat in now at my place", then "I'm at such and such street", then "I'm coming around the turn".<P>The first message started out like this:<P>"Hi, I know it is over, but anyway, I'm putting the seat in now at my place...."<P>What is the "know it is over"....trying to twist the blame onto me? Or just pushing a button to evoke a response? I know I should not care, but you know how it is.<P>This was the kicker that almost knocked me down.<P>My 3 year old daughter. I always strapped her in Moms car. I hugged them both and kissed them, and sent them through the door to meet Mommy. My 3 year old came back, and said:<P>"Aawwww, Daddddddyyyyyyyy, noooooooooo, I want you to put me in like you always do."....I said "no honey, Mommy is going to do it today". Couple more "Ahhhhh, Daddyyyyyyy", but then she left. I felt like Frosty the snowman in the hot sun.<P>Did I do OK? It felt terrible, but had to be done, right?<P>Thanks for reading. Had to vent a bit to those that understand.<P>Tonight will be interesting. I call her place to say goodnight. I bet she'll use this opportunity to answer and say something. Hope not.

Hi Rick - I think the "know it is over" jab is just that - a jab. But I know how these things race through our minds.<P>Her calling you at every step in the process is more telling, I think. This makes no sense at all unless she was just trying to time her arrival perfectly - even with that, there's no reason for more than one call.<P>Patience, time, consistency - I think it's equally valid in Plan B.<P>Keep up the good work.<P>WAT

Morning Rick!!<P>I think WAT is right in that the comment by her was a shot to hurt you...and to elicit some type of response! I think the fact that she kept calling you in order to inform you of her whereabouts is a bit strange, though.<P>In the case of your daughter, I don't feel that you need to break that routine for her sake and yours. If that is how you and your daughter like to say goodbye, that is ok. Just dont use is as a way to break Plan B, or let her goad you into a conversation! WS can be very manipulative when we wanna be... . But you know your situation better than I do, and if your daughter let her mom put her in the car and there was no outburst or tears, then I would say you did what was best! Have a great day and keept the faith!<P>Happy 4th of July...enjoy it as best you can!<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart

Rick,<P>I think that had your W been born in a different time or place she would have been great in the KGB mind control division, or as a Grand Inquisitor. She was really trying to push your buttons and she couldn't let go, hence the 3 calls. You did great! I'm sure she was hoping that you'd come out to the car and say something like, "What do you mean, it's over?"<P>Anyway, hang in there. You did very well, and I think your daughter will be just fine with a hug and a kiss at the door. I can't see any way for you to strap her in without being rude to your W.<P>Take care,<P>Ish

I agree with Ishy, I'm sure your daughter will be alright, Rick. A big hug and kiss at the door should be okay for now. I feel that your wife may try to strike up convo w/you if you go out and strap your daughter in, and the convo may end up bad.<P>The "since it's over" comment I believe was to prompt you for a repsonse of some sort, that, and to get you thinking that she thinks it's over, hence she would expect you to respond back. The FAT lady has yet to sing, and even then we've seen it sometimes isn't over.<P>You're doing a great job, Rick (aka melty snowman). <P>Best,<BR>Jo

Wow Rick - you are amazing! <BR>She really is trying every button possible isn't she?<BR>The comment just shows she hates not being in control.<P>Hang in there!

Rick:<P>Your Plan B is working. Lots of positive signs there. Just take the "know that it's over" (and other similiar expressions in the future) for what they are: an attempt to break down the Plan B wall.<P>To paraphrase the old theatre saying, "It ain't over 'til the fat judge signs."<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Frosty,<P>Sounds good to me. She has to deal with a screaming child now; your turn's over. Your daughter will NOT suffer any permanent emotional damage because Daddy doesn't strap her in Mommy's car any more. Was your wife running late, hence the neurotic phone calls? I know I've done that before, because my stbx is terminally impatient and tends to get hostile if inconvenienced. As to the dig, hmmm...my immediate impression was one of an awkward faux pas almost. If she was rushing around like a banshee, some neurons might have disconnected, sending thoughts elsewhere (I do this). Or, maybe she was rationalizing her delay to you, as if when you were together, it was more acceptable to be late? Just stabbing in the dark here. Initial impressions. Keep on keepin' on, Rick!<P>Nell <P>------------------<BR>One faces the future with one's past.<BR>--Pearl S. Buck

Good input, Nell.<P>BTW: I love your signature line. Hits home for me

Thanks everyone,<P>My wife is a habitual "quick caller". Always coming up with a reason to call someone just for something quick. Does that to her boss at work. Instead of saving issues and calling with three, she makes three calls in 30 minutes as she thinks of them.<P>So, she's trying to continue where we left off by calling alot. This is one of the things I'm hoping she'll miss in Plan B, is that opportunity to use me as one of her support persons, who she can call just to "tell something".<P>Thanks again.

Rick, <P>Being a bit lazy today. My work computer is down so I have to take the day off!!! What a concept, actually enjoy a holiday. <P>I think you are doing fine. We will keep providing you with that 'kick in the pants' support as long as you want it. <P>As much as it hurt, your W needed to see that. Dad does have a loving relationship with your children. You are not easily forgotten just because they are with mom. And breaking routines are not something children really like. Hm...... that could be in your favor. You are in plan b but your kids may be in plan A. Double whammy to your W. <P>When she calls to keep testing you and you handle them in a civil but firm tone, it sends a message. Evnentually when you get to that day, that she will be able to deal with you in a respectful manner, you can ask all your questions as to why she carried on this way. It looks like you have her wondering about you a lot. That is good. Stimulate those grey cells so that she is thinking about you more than the OM. Hm...... that is one of the benefits of plan B. <P>Have a good one. <BR>L.<P><BR>