I am wondering how long it took to be with another person that you like before an affair happened. If you were working with someone everyday that you kind of thought was a good person then how long did it take to develop certain feelings for them? Perhaps you thought there were no feelings developing but you knew the person for a couple of days/weeks/months/years and then got together one night and then an uncontrollable urge happened which led to a sexual encounter. I am looking for what warning signs there could be of a potential affair? Do some affairs happen just after meeting some cute person a few times? Are other because of working with someone day in and day out? Is anyone capable of having an affair if thge circumstances are right? So the question is what is the average length of time working worth someone or being with someone other than your spouse before feelings developed that led to the affair? Maybe an answer like the following would be useful. A time and short summary.<P>Rodger:<BR>1 month:<BR>In my case my wife was working with someone for about a month. He was cute, well spoken and offered to help her. She was grateful. He set a trap to go drinking with her. She couldn't refuse because he helped her and then the affair. He said he loved her. She said she didn't love him.<BR>

The person I became involved with is a co-worker. We worked together for 8 years prior to the affair. He is extremely good looking, several years older than myself, a wonderful conversationalist, and what I thought, a good Christian man. I always felt "safe" with him. Once we started working more closely on joint projects - innocent flirting took place. I now know that he was meeting emotional needs for me. I personally feel that he knew it from day one.<BR>It only took a matter of months for us to be involved in a full blown physical affair. Thank goodness, we are no longer involved. I still harbor anger with myself and at him for what we did. We are still at the same place of employment but try not to have any work related involvement and definetly don't communicate outside of work.

Rodger,<BR>The OM in my instance was someone I met online. We chatted for many month. It started out very innocent and with causal conversation. He was retired and had way too much time on his hands while his W worked. I wasn't working at the time and had all day long to chat. So we would spend hours upon hours talking about everything. He seem to know all the right questions to ask and was very good at listening. During that time I got a job where I worked 4 days a week and had three days off. On my days off, we would chat. I didn't even realize he was meeting my ENs until much later. I even shared all that was happening with my H, who said he was glad I found someone to talk to.<BR>I took that to mean he didn't care, so I continued. I wonder now if my H had told me he was uncomfortable with me chatting for hours to another man, if I would have stopped before it ever got started. But that is beside the facts now. Anyways, it was about a month after we meet in person, that we became intimately involved. The OM just seem to fit everything I was looking for while now I know that he was meeting all my EN's in ways that my H should have been, but I didn't know how to explain to my H what I needed. <BR>So in answer to your question, it was about 4 months from meeting until it became a PA.

In the case of my H it was a chance meeting with the friend of a friend who made it obvious that she liked him and 2 visits later ..... well the fate was sealed, there was never any love from him to her just sex that s it<BR>Jen<BR>His first one 2 years back was work related he spoke with her most days (business related) and they agreed to meet and supose it was green lights there too ... also no love but that one he at least liked go figure !<BR>Jen

In my case the attraction was instananeous. I would consider if Love At First Site if she hadn't been married. (WHOOPS) However, if my MW's needs had been met prior to meeting me, she'd never of even considered. That I am sure of. I never set a trap or attempted to take advantage. In fact, she intiated. I was foolish, decided to "not think" and obliged her.<P>It took approxmiately 1 week for the A to start. Though if time had provided, I'm sure it would have been the same day.<P>Djinn (OM)

For me it was a year. I met him and on a few occassions talked to him when I was under a lot of stress. I don't know what happened for the A., I ended it the same day it started. I don't think mine is typical??

ohhhhh boy.....lets see.....(think think)<P>i didnt even know i was unhappily married until it up ans smacked me in the face. I mean i knew things were not the best....but heck i was such a big ol' romantic that i thot it was just ME.<P>i met OM in 1989 when he was my husbands best friend in college(oops) i never thot about him again until I was working at a local convience store and he asked me if i was H wife....and well...we all became friends. OM wife, OM, me and my H. we knew each other about 10 months as friends.<P>(this is going to choke you all) <P>one day OM called the house and invited us out for a drink at the local small bar and we went. I noticed some long looks and as the nighta nd alcoholo progressed, winks...and then we all went back to our house.<P>some small time petting happened out of sight of H and the OM W.<P>from then i realized how unhappy i was. we began to have some hang up calls, unaccounted for time away from home, money unaccounted for.<P>footy under the table during card games (we were sick individuals) in hindsight, my H says he could see it coming a mile away with the looks and the nervousness of being in each others company.<P>one of the ending fiascos was...OM Wife went to wrok and became their babysitter. next thing waaas OM changed shifts and it went from tehre.<P>good luck,<BR>mercy

My marriage had been in trouble for years due to the physical and emotional withdrawal of my husband. He was out of town on a six month training stint. I met OM during the 4th month and didn't see him again until 5 weeks later, but thought about him the whole time. When I did see him the second time, which was planned because I kindof knew where he would be, I was on a mission to see where it would go and I was ready for anything. So I had 5 weeks to spin different scenario's in my head, but no real time of getting to know him before hand. I guess everyone's different.

I think it took two months for the A to start with MM. We worked together and I thought he was attractive and flirted with him and he flirted back. For some reason, he was NOT wearing a wedding ring when we first met. But then one day we were in a fitting room ( a bunch of us employees just sitting around chatting) and someone had tried on a dress that didn't fit quite right and gave it to the fitting room attendant. He went over and looked at it and said, "my wife would look really good in this" I said, "you're married?" he said yeah and I thought he was telling me that to say that the flirting needed to chill because nothing would happen---he's married so I chilled and didn't think about him in that aspect anymore. That was the frist two weeks of meeting. i noticed he would still be watching me or he'd strike up conversations at work but I thought it was no different than any other coworker. About a month and a half he started asking if we could go out JUST AS FRIENDS and I said that should be ok and about 2 weeks after that he asked me to meet him at the parking lot of the store we worked at follow him home. We sat in the living room and watched tv and just talked about nothing ( I had NO intensions of having sex with him) and then he asked me how I felt about oral sex. I thought he was asking me if I DID oral sex and I said, "NO that's something I would do with my HUSBAND when i get married, but not just anybody" He said, " No I meant how would you feel if I did it to you?" That caught me off guard because no one had ever just volunteered to do that and that was all he said he wanted to do so I was weak and said ok. Well, after about 20 minutes of that i made him stop and asked him if he had any type of protection, he asked if i was sure, I said yeah, and it just went from there for three years off and on.