GRRRRR. She just woke up and had to run to her office, back in 45 min, for legit reason. Took cell phone. Will probably call OM, though. Can I ask if she did call him? GRRRR. And it's raining...<P>Earlier, I said I wanted a hug. She resisted, saying she didn't want me to get hopes up. I said it's just a hug. She so, ok, a little friendship hug. I said, how about just a "hug?" She kind of laughed and said I'm just a mean woman, aren't I?<P>I want to ask her:<P>Are you still physically attracted to me?<P>Are you physically attracted to him more?<P>Is there any part of you that wants to be romantic with me?<P>Can I "date" you again?<P>From her behavior, the answers would be no, yes, no, don't get your hopes up.<P>Is this normal WS behavior? GRRRRR!<P>(not feeling so) zen<P>

zen:<P>It is normal fog behavior. Grrr, indeed.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

It has been my observation that the more needy you are the more unattractive you become. Right now it seems that you will do anything to keep her and she knows you will always have you to be a fallback. Would you be attracted to someone who was begging you for a hug? Make your spouse respect you.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by zen:<BR><B><BR>Earlier, I said I wanted a hug. She resisted, saying she didn't want me to get hopes up. I said it's just a hug. She so, ok, a little friendship hug. I said, how about just a "hug?" She kind of laughed and said I'm just a mean woman, aren't I? </B><P>hard not to ask..but best to wait until it happens naturally .<P><B> I want to ask her:<P>Are you still physically attracted to me?<P>Are you physically attracted to him more?<P>Is there any part of you that wants to be romantic with me?<P>Can I "date" you again?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>NO. NO. NO. She can't give you the answers you want...and you won't like the answer she gives...Ya can't make her 'respect' you, but you can give her the space and let her come to you...<P>Someone pointed me to the "Three States of Mind in Marriage" <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3600_state.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3600_state.html</A> ...might be good reading for you Zen.<P>Cali<P><p>[This message has been edited by JustPlainCali (edited July 04, 2001).]

RE: Are you still physically attracted to me? Are you physically attracted to him more? <BR>Don’t ask this one because <BR>Is there any part of you that wants to be romantic with me? <BR>Can I "date" you again? <BR>From her behavior, the answers would be no, yes, no, don't get your hopes up.<BR>Don’t ask her these things. Like you said, you already know that answers. And they will change every time you ask. <P>As for dating her again? Don’t ask her “Can I "date" you again?” That is a very broad based yes not question. But do ask her out if you wish. Something like: “Would you like to go for a walk?” “How about we got grab a cup of coffee?”, “Want to come to the book store with me?” These are single instances that are non-threatening. Asking her out to dinner, dance, etc. might be a little much right now, too much pressure. <P>This way if she says no, it is to only that one “date”. If she says no to your “Can I "date" you again?” you can never ask her out again without showing disrespect for her stated preference. It’s a love buster set up.<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

zen,<P>I am the king of affection beggars. Please, zen, take it from someone who has followed that road to the bitter end, it does nothing but make you <I>less</I> attractive to your spouse. Those questions are massive love busters, and they make you seem weak in your wife's eyes.<P>I know, in a healthy relationship we should be able to ask such things without fear, but our relationships are not healthy.<P>Gawd, I know it makes you want to scream. Scream, don't ask those questions. Make her do a little wondering for a change. By the way, as long as you keep that up, you will be the fall back position for her, is that what you want to be?<P>People tried to tell me this. I didn't listen. Please be smarter than me.<P>Ish<P>[This message has been edited by Ishmael (edited July 04, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Ishmael (edited July 04, 2001).]

zen - please follow the advice you've already received. Come to us with your anger and frustration.<P>Try this: On the heels of your needy questions, be totally different. Try being cool and casual and ask NO similar questions. This will rattle the moose brain worms a little. Don't expect changes in her behavior - no one thing you do can accomplish this - but in the long term, these things can add up.<P>WAT

I REALLY need to read this board before I act. Thanks for the input that I should have read first.<P>I think I'm back to stable Plan A ground after my LB...<P>WAT & Ish... I basically didn't read this thread in time... see my post below about how I majorly LB'ed. <P>Taking coffee to her now...<P>zen