Well yesterday my WS was gone all day. Children 1st day at camp, not around, came home from camp not there. Did finally come home at 6:30pm. The kids and I were out having dinner, leaves again and finally comes home at 10:30 pm says hello to us then goes to bed. This morning 4th of July leaves at 8am for the gym, can't give that gym up for a minute, we just went to breakfast by ourselves. What I did notice is the speedometer on the Benz was set to O miles this morning. Tuesday must have been a big mileage day for her. Got to love her.<BR> I was heart broken at first now I'm just angry and finding plan A to be somewhat uncomfortable for me. I am having trouble being near her. The children & I took her for a late launch today yet she wasn't with really with us nor would she even walk with us. And here I am trying to turn it around, this is real difficult. I have this feeling the D papers will be coming soon, maybe not a moment to soon!<BR>Her stepmother told me that she is repeating the same behavior as her ex husband had 22 years ago when he left them after numerous affairs and to much liquor. History repeats itself; the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? She told me to keep the house and keep the children. I’m glad that she sees things as they are and realizes the children come first.<BR>The end result is that I'm having trouble being near her. I'm thinking she might be better off with the OM. That will flame out at some point. She walks around very depressed. I'm starting to feel sorry for her. Go figure. I just gave her a hug and told her to hang in there, then walked away with a smile on my face. I'm drained and angry. Have a great 4Th of July. <BR>BTW my dad was a 1st Lieutenant and a veteran of the Normandy invasion. He was very special and I miss him. I think of him and all the men and women today that fought so bravely for our freedom.<BR>

Adamsol,<P>I know this is hard for you. But you seem to be doing the right things. What else can you do. I think that plan B might work very well for you if she leaves. <P>From all I hear it is very hard to Plan A when the WS is at home and still having an affair. I don't know how you did it for one day. <P>Hang in there.<P>SeenTheLight has a remembrance thread going. I’m surprise that almost no one has added to it. Why don’t you add the bit about your dad to it. I mentioned my dad in the thread.<P>Z<BR>

Adamsol, <P>I am sorry for your hardship. Anger is a familar emotion felt by many who suffer through the A. Ws and BS alike deal with this hurtful emotion. Our children feel it also. <P>I often post this thread to help WS's understand the 5 stages of grieving. <P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html</A> <P>This is for you. You are the one hurting right now and your children will feel this right along with you. It is important that you are able keep your mind clear and your heart calm. Your family needs you and your W will eventually need someone to be there for her when she hits bottom. <P>I will not mislead you and say everything will be better. It will be a long hard road. Along the way you can learn how to better yourself and hopefully your wife can be helped also. <P>L.<BR>

Well we had a talk. It seems that she is so very angry with me for working so many hours, She felt very alone and I made her hard and bitter. She feels like a caged animal. I gave her a housekeeper and all the time in the world. I tried to hold her and I tried to tell her that I'm sorry. She doesn’t love me any longer and the sooner we get the divorce the better. The OM has nothing to do with this, "sure". Met him a month ago and found her attorney gave her a cell phone and calls her all day. But he's not involved, anyone want to buy the Brooklyn Bridge. How do you do a plan A when there is an EA/PA going on? Impossible.

Adamsol,<P>That was one of the reasons H gave. Me working too many hours. Well, that was not the main reason but one of them. The one he choose to use since it pointed blame to me. <P>Don't take it personally. If they have not yet, the real issues have yet to surface. Be patient. <P>Can you plan A with an EA/PA? It is possible. However, if your love needs to be protected, you may need to consider plan B However, I strongly recommend that you speak to Steve or Jennifer first. Also read up on plan A/b in the Surviving an Affair book and his needs/her needs.<P>L.<BR>

Orchid. Thank you for the advice. I do need to protect my self and children. My wife is in way over her head. Since meeting this OM she has changed so much its unbelievable. I just don’t want to go though this whole process of divorce and custody. The only way I see my marriage coming together is if the OM is out of the picture. I’m sleeping with the enemy and its just real strange. Plan B means that she is out of the house and she refuses to leave. It would be best if she did, two A and an indifference to being a mother along with a drinking problem makes her just imposable to deal with. Maybe I really don’t love her; I just might be use to her. In any event this is coming to a head and soon.<BR>BTW I read a post that you had a loss , I m sorry to hear it , please keep your chin up.<BR>