zen - sorry I missed your bumps. Got the hint from your other post.<P>Avoiding LBs IS a big component of Plan A, but certainly not the only one and not the biggest one, IMO. The MB literature uses the analogy of a love bank and the ability for spouses to make either deposits or withdrawals to maintain the bank solvent. An LB is a withdrawal.<P>Here's my understanding of what Plan A is supposed to do without using the MB terminology. Others may have a different spin. Keep in mind that 12 months of it for me has not brought my wife back (but that's not it's only goal).<P>The premise of Plan A is that there is little, if anything, a BS can do to directly end an affair AND the BS contributed to the problems that created the environment for the affair to occur. Thus, the things you CAN do are both passive and active. <P>1. You can wait it out for it to die a natural death.<P>2. While waiting, you can reduce the attractiveness of it by increasing the attractiveness of yourself, i.e., correct your problems that contributed to the favorable conditions for the affair to occur.<P>Affairs are very, very likely to end and the professionals say that most WSs at least consider returning to the BS.<P>Plan A prepares you for this likelihood by motivating you to do a self-critical evaluation of your prior marriage performance, hopefully with input by the WS as to what they thought your problems were. Then you fix these problems and demonstrate the improvements to the WS. You end up being a better spouse - prepared for when the affair crashes.<P>This is an incremental process that takes time and requires a certain amount of interaction with the WS for the BS to demonstrate the changes. All the while, the BS must provide a comfortable surrounding for the WS to enter. This is where LB'ing comes in. <P>An LB causes your spouse to react defensively, in turn causing him/her to downplay whatever good things in the BS they might have witnessed. So, you can't provide a comfortable place if the WS is expecting to be put on the defensive, and thus, you can't demonstrate your positive changes. LB's close the window of opportunity.<P>Predominently, LB's are those words and actions that represent TO THE WS, disrespectful judgements, accusations, angry outbursts, and any other general behavior that makes them mad. Many, if not most, affair motivated LB's are accurate, true and justified from the BS's perspective. The question you have to ask yourself is, do you wanna be right, or do you wanna be married?<P>Additionally, LBs may have been one of your pre-existing problems that you need to fix. So, by not LB'ing, you're both demonstrating an improvement and providing a safe place for your spouse to see other improvements.<P>So, to answer you question, yes, Plan A requires action on your part to remove all your WSs excuses (within your control) for continuing the affair AND it requires inaction (in the form of avoiding LBs) to prevent creation of a hostile environment that would prevent your spouse from observing your improvements.<P>Even if you and your spouse don't reconcile, a sincere Plan A will cerate a better you for all your future interpersonal relationships.<P>WAT
