I'm relatively new to MB, but I think I've got a pretty good handle on things.<P>To all BS's out there, keep working on yourselves because you have no control of what your WS's will do. Try to remember that no matter what happens, you have to be happy with you. I know that in the end I'll be able to sleep at night because I've done everything I can. My W will have to face our D and wonder if she did. I'd rather be in my shoes than her's. <P>For those of you that don't know my story, I think it's very likely that I'll get divorced, but I'll be ok. I'm prepared to let my W go, I'm just waiting for her to file. I've dealt with the problems in our marriage and in me, and I'll be so much better in my next relationship. I will have no guilt and no second guessing. <P>If you do all that you can, you'll have no regrets. All I can add is love your children more than you ever have, because they are the real victims and deserve so much better. My daughter is everything to me, and I will endure any amount of pain and suffering if there is the smallest chance of keeping her family togehter. Her life will never be the same if I give up, so I won't. If my W chooses to give up, that's her cross to bear. <P>Sorry for preaching. What do I know about anything anyway?<P>sad dad<BR><p>[This message has been edited by sad dad (edited July 04, 2001).]

Dear Saddad,<P>You are not preaching. You are reaching the acceptance stage. Much quicker than most. <P>If your W is seeking the D, understand until you actually get the paperwork in your hand it is talk. In many cases it stays in that state. Over in the d/d site there are several fathers dealing with the same issues. I am amazed at their ability to handle their families and themselves. they have proved to be of great encouragement to me. <P>One of those dads is someone who goes by the user of 'fatherof1husbandof0. He posted the 5 stages of grieving and I have used it for me and shared it more times than I can remember. <P>Hang tuff there dad. You have a lot of support. You should proud of the progress you have made. <P>L.<BR>

sad dad<P>Just wanted to let you know that you're 'right on'!<P>If we have to move on through D we'll be better people for it and in our next relationship, if we want one. I can't imagine being Ded and always wondering...maybe if I had tried to rebuild. It seems that so many people give up on their Ms so easily. No wonder there's such a high D rate.