I had a long talk with WS tonite. About the A, she was the one who brought it up. What revelation!!! It was much longer then she initially admitted. Thought it began early this year, but actually started much more like between summer and fall last year. Moreover, WS and OM had broke up once b4 X'mas and got back together early this year prior to my knowledge of the A. I guess I dont really have a question, since I dont know what to think of the situtation. So any insight is appreciated. Thanx in advance.

While you may not be happy with the content of her conversation, the fact that she told you of her own accord it a very good thing.<P>Make it safe for her to open up to you. If she knows that you will not use the information to punish her, this may be a good step towards the road of recovery. Ask her questions but keep it calm. I found that the truth is easier to handle then any deception. Even when the truth was hurtful.<P>This type of sharing could open the door for the two of you to become much closer.<P>Good Luck<BR>Z<P><BR>

Does it matter how long the A lasted?<BR>A betrayal is a betrayal, but I can understand your feelings. I'm afraid to ask my WH when his A started because I know when I think it started but what if it turns out it was for years?(he's known her for years) I really don't know.

MAEZY<P>In my way of thinking, it's easier to know the truth then to constantly speculate.<P>But that's me.<P>Z

zorweb<P>You are right. I'm telling my WH I only want truth and honesty between us. I guess that means facing whatever he may say.

MAEZY,<P>Yes it does mean facing anything he says. So do be ready for that. STL and I arrived at sort of an agreement that he would tell the truth and I would not love bust. If I something he told me hurt me, he helped me through it. Sometimes he held me when I cried, some times he just listened to me express my hurt and anger. I hope you have that type of support from your husband now. <P>Being radically honest has help us so much. I have all my quesitons answered and we are able to move on.<P>I hope you too can find some peace in all of this craziness.<P>Z

Humper,<P>Yes it is good she is discussing it. Make sure you don’t blow up (at least in front of her ). You want her to be able to open up with you. Getting mad at stuff she tells you will only cause her to close down. It’s okay to be hurt and upset with what she does tell you, it is how you react to it.<P>This is one of the problems for the BS when reconciliation occurs.<P>In discussing the affair, which the WS should be totally willing & honest about, the BS needs to make sure of WHAT they are asking and also of WHAT they want to know, ie. details.<P>Personally, I think time frame, when & where are a few things we may need to know, but details?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Thanx for the wise words, everyone.<P>Interesting enough, the conversation did not bother me too much. I have pretty much accepted the fact and what bothers me the most is that she can keep things away from me for so long. The only thing I am worrying about now is the fact that WS and OM has broken up and got back together...<P>I have also ask about her thought on the no-contact letter to OM, and I sensed that she is still not quite ready to write it. Guess I 'll just have to wait, time is on my side now