I have posted only a few times before so I am still new here. I guess I am looking for support as to what to do. I My wife is still talking on the phone with OM she calls just a friend who used to work with her but is no longer at her work. I have done some snooping and found his numbers on her pager and on the redial on her cell phone. Since he left her work approx. a month ago, she apparently talks on the phone with him. My wife and I are having difficulty in our marriage and this is complicating our reconciliation. This past Monday she seemed to be in a fairly good mood, but Tuesday she was really down. I asked her if anything was wrong and she said yes but she would take care of it. she has been really down since. This morning(thursday)I looked on the cell phone and she had called OM's cell phone # probably yesterday. Apparently from what I have gathered, she doesn't call him until after he pages her so I don't think she initiated the call. Anyway, she has been somewhat critical of me more so than usual and I don't know if this has anything to do with it. Is she going through withdrawal? She wore her diamond engagement along with an anniversary band that I had given her yesterday so I don't know what to think. I feel that I am second guessing and trying to figure out what she is thinking. Is this normal?

Golfer,<P>My wife is still talking on the phone with OM she calls just a friend who used to work with her but is no longer at her work. I have done some snooping and found his numbers on her pager and on the redial on her cell phone. <P>I did the same thing. My wife left her cell phone at the house one night. She said it was because the battery was dead. I left it alone for a while and then I got curious. I turned it on, and low and behold the battery had half a charge left. She called and said that she was going over to a girl friends house. I said sure. I forgot to ask for the girl’s number in case I needed to get a hold of her. So, I looked on the cell phone. The phone book use to have all of my numbers as well as my family numbers in it. Well, there were only five. <P>1. OM<BR>2. Home<BR>3. Her mother’s cell<BR>4. Her dad’s cell<BR>5. Her parent’s house<P>I called the OM’s number. She came home and asked me why I called the OM’s house and gave me the exact time of the call. <P>Have you told her that you know that she is still talking to him?<P>If you haven’t ask her. Then I would approach her and ask her why she is still talking to him.<P>Is this normal?<P>Yes it is normal. I felt the same way.<P>Indy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by INDY_357 (edited July 05, 2001).]

Thanks for the reply Indy. So how are you coping? In the past whenever I approached the topic of OM, she got very defensive and kept saying they were just friends. I have stopped asking her but I think she knows that I know. She and I are similar in the repect that we shy away from conflict and just don't say anything and maybe the problem will pass. This has been a problem that probably has affected our relationship throughout the years. We have just started counseling and hope this can be openly discussed. I have been telling her I love her and trying to show her that I am attempting to change, but she is very unresponsive.

golfer,<P>Be very careful, first of all. Sounds like you've done pretty well so far, but just hold everything.<P>If you haven't already, take a look at the MB concepts or better yet, get a hold of the some of the books. Soak them up. Do the concepts sound good to you? Do you think your W would be open to them? It will be your choice to decide whether or not to bring them to her...<P>I think good marriage therapy based on the MB principles will help. What ever you do, don't exhibit any kind of anger, suspicion, or even upset about the cell phone thing. Be cool and honest and forthright... Let her know you care and want to help fix things. Be confident in yourself and your intentions.<P>Best of luck to you,<BR>zen

Thanks for the advice zen. I am trying not to act suspicious or do anything that may turn her further away than she already is. I just don't want her to think that I am condoning her actions by not saying anything. I have heard that these phone affairs will not last but I am praying to God that he will change her heart and to change me so that I can be a better husband.

Golfer, <P> I didn't handle it very well. My wife said the same things. The night I looked on her cell phone she didn't come home until 11:30 am. She tried to play it off by saying that she fell asleep over at her friends house, but then how would she know that I called the OM's house? As soon as she got home she got cleaned up and had to go to the OM's house to see if he was alright. She didn't come home until 2:30 am. I know that it is hard not to talk about. <P> Read everything that you can on this site. I wish that I had found this site back in Jan. Apply the principles the best you can. If you need to vent about the OM continue to come here to do it. We are all here for you.<P>Indy