I guess things can always be worse, but here is the story of my not-so-fun fourth of July. My brother-in-law is a professional athlete that plays for a team in another city. Last night his team played the team where WH and I live. I sat with his wife (sister-in-law) and daughters and the rest of sister-in-laws family and WH and OW sat on the other side of the stadium with some friends of WH. <P>Would you believe that within 5 minutes of being in the stadium I spotted them on the other side of the stadium. Now this is no small stadium (seats over 80,000). That just goes to show you that lasik eye surgery is not always a good thing. <P>Well, throughout the entire game I sat there and found myself looking over in that direction. After the game I met my brother-in-law and told him good-bye (the team left early this morning to go home) and left with some friends of mine that went to the game with me. My sister-in-law and their daughters are staying for a few days longer (they are from here). I called her this morning to see what they were doing and found out that after I left last night, WH, OW and some other friends met with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and went out. <P>My sister-in-law said that she did not want to talk about it because she did not want to be in the middle. I guess they are no longer on my side and will be ok with him and OW. It is a really hard thing for me to accept since my brother-in-law and I were friends before my H and I started dating. <P>With WH introducing her to everyone I feel like he is saying it is over 100 percent with us. It would be so hard to face all of those people again as a couple now that they all know about her and have met her. Do any of these WH's friends have the morals to know what he is doing is wrong and if they do where is the backbone to tell him?<P>I feel like I have lost him for good now that he is introducing her to everyone and going on with their life together. What now?

im sorry <P>i dont know your story, but, to read what you have written? it seems he is trying to say bye? i dont know <P>god bless,<BR>mercy

((((SinkingFast))))<P>I'm sure his family and friends do have morals, but may not be willing to say anything as it goes against his current thinking.<P>This was the case with me, and some of my friends and family. They didn't say much to go against what I was doing. I guess they figured I would cut them out of my life if they pissed me off. Or they just plain felt it was too awkward to say anything.<P>It’s a difficult situation I imagine for a lot of people. Some friends of mine we’re pretty torn on how to deal with what I was doing to Knewjie. So rather then say anything, they said nothing much really.<P>Hang in there SF.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

Sinking:<P>Family, as a rule, do not like getting stuck in the middle; and they tend to emote before intellectualizing. The combintation of the two makes for situations like the one you describe.<P>Your WS and OW are still deep within the fog. And will justify this "going public" as an expression of their "true, undying love ... (fill in with additional WS/OW befogged expressions as listed elsewhere)."<P>The high road is often the loneliest one. Work on implementing the MB principles. Begin an effective Plan A. If you can afford to do so, set up a phone call with Steve or Jenn Harley. They are excellent <I>coaches</I> and will help you implement a gameplan suited to your situation.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Thanks for the responses. I have been talking with Steve H. since three weeks after D-Day. I was in Plan A for two months before H openly decided to be with the OW. While he says he has and will always love me, she accepts him for who he is and he does not want to be married. <P>After this decision, Steve H. helped me with the decision to move to Plan B due to H's attitude and choice. Steve was afraid that I was being emotionally destroyed quickly and that I would not maintain enough love for H to rebuild after the end of the A if I did not cease contact.<P>I have been in Plan B for seven weeks. I just looked at a calendar and I can not believe it has been that long. Two weeks after moving to plan B, H called (against the plan B guidelines) and stated that he was filing for D. That has been 4 1/2 weeks and so far I have not seen anything. <P>Missouri is a no fault state and he can easily file without a lawyer (OW did). I figured OW would have completed the papers for him and I would have gotten them to sign. From what I understand I will have to sign before he files the papers since he is not using a lawyer.<P>So I wait for them to come and I try not to think about what they are doing and who he introducing her to next and how his friends may like her more than me. I was always the responsible one and some people just don't like that type of person. I always got along with his friends, it was just that I do not drink and at the end of the night I could still stand. For some they think that takes the fun out of a party. <P>I try to remember that the fog is very thick and that if enough sun shines through the fog will lift, but I don't feel very sunny these days. I am working on myself full force and I have accomplished wonders. I have lost over sixty pounds, I am working out, have a new hair style and have gotten tan.<P>I figure at the end of the mess, either H will look at me and wonder what he was ever thinking or the singles game will be all that much more interesting. I am not letting go yet, but I am not letting this get me down. <P>Thanks for listening to me rant. I WILL SURVIVE!!! We all will. <P>

Sinking:<P>I think you should change your MB name. Far from sinking, you are elevating yourself to new levels. Plan B is working for you. Whether it will work for your WS remains to be seen.<P>Keep up the good work.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

SinkingFast;<BR>Sorry to hear about your 4th. I know it hurts to think your in-laws are 'betraying you'. My in-laws knew about the A. The OW was at my sister-in-laws home every day-across the St. from her parents. She rented the house they owned--next door to them--about 3 months after D-Day. She still lives there and is very active in my in-laws life. I chose not to be. <P>Know that my relationship with my H is ours not theirs. The GREAT things that are happening between us now are not because of them; but then, nor were the bad things their fault. Do your best to never say anything bad about your H to his family and friends. This only makes you look bad.<P>Our friends blamed me equally in the callapse of our marriage. I know they couldn't understand until they were in my place. <P>I know this doesn't help with you now, but in the end you will see how important it is to keep all that happens between you and your H, BETWEEN the TWO OF YOU. <P>My H would tell his friends and family I was crazy. They beleived him because of MY behavior. <BR>Example: I was in plan B when I wanted to celebrate my birthday with some close friends and family at MY HOME. My H was to pickup the kids and take them for the weekend. He stayed for several hours, which didn't matter to me, but it made my guests uncomfortorable. He asked me about the people he didn't know. I answered all his questions and I was never rude to him nor did I say anything bad about him to our friends. They saw his manipulation, and his controling behavior. He left at about 10:30 and no one said a word to me about him being there. I later found out he left because one of OUR best friends asked him to leave before the OW drove by or paged him again. This was the first time they saw him in action. They had always seen me act like a mad woman, screaming at the top of my lungs and saying very nasty things about him. <P>I respect my friends and family and they respect me for the adult decisions I have had to make.<BR>Keep that in mind and remember they love you too. It is difficult for them as well. They can't make him change any more than you can. It does get better. My H and I now laugh about that night.<BR>My prayers are with you,<BR>JuJu

Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement. I think I will change my name soon. I feel stronger every day. Responses like these are why this site is so great. <P>We are all great and deserve the best. That is what I wish for all of us.

WOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY STORY. D-DAY AND SEPERATION 6 MONTHS AGO. WH HAD OUR 2 SONS MEET OP ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO. THEN HE BRINGS OP TO 2 DIFFERENT FAMILY PARTIES IN ONE WEEK, AND HER 3 YEAR OLD SON TO THE FAMILY 4TH OF JULY PARTY.(MY SONS WERE THERE TOO). NOW THIS WEEKEND WS OP AND HER SON ARE AWAY CAMPING.