Formerly posted under "Now that he's gone, what next?". New issues have arrised. H was seen with OW by his mom and step-dad over July 4th. H now living with his uncle for 2 weeks. H states that is his hiding place. How could his step-dad bring his mother to his place unannounced. Since no one but his uncle new about his going ons with OW. The thing that really urks me is that OW was with my H and she had two of her three kids there (one is 7yrs and the other 3years), she has no respect and no shame. Damn, that makes me mad, and the fact that it is my H she is with. She is doing the family thing that WE usually did together, makes me sick. Now that his mom saw him, he begs her not to tell me, H does not want to be mad at his mom, she is his mom and dad, {H dad past away 5 1/2 years ago}. H told his mom if I found out that he knew it was from her, and that he did not want to be mad at his mom, he has already lost his sister in this ordeal, his mom and sister have told him that they will not accept this OW, and H said they should not judge her. His mom did not tell me this part last night, about seeing OW there, she hesitated. She told me about the rest of their converation, as far as, he does not want to be married now or ever again, he wants the single party life. Women, booze and drugs. When asked if serious about OW he says no, that he has two others, this one as well as others are just passer-bys, supposedly confronted main OW and told her, he will never marry her, never serious relationship, just using her for pleasure and companionship if she is the chosen one for the day. She said that was FINE. I have since this AM gone to attorney general's office to apply for child support, have talked with some agency about child care expenses being paid if qualified. Now, i am ready for DIVORCE. H mom told him to leave me alone, quit fooling with my feelings, to stop giving me signs of hope, which I thought and felt I wanted. H mom told him to just leave me alone and divorce me, H said will leave her alone, but H will not divorce me, H will not make the first move, I need to do it first, and H will sign papers. I feel this is the right move, my emotions are getting me know where, besides sick to my stomach and crying every single night, wondering how to fix this mess that doesn't want to get fixed by H, and in reality should not get fixed to this extent. I am so tired of feeling like this and just want out. I feel I need to move on with my life, see what it has in store for me and my children. There is someone better out there for me, isn't there!? Someone that I don't have to look at every day and wonder, how long is it going to take you to cheat on me again. I WANT OUT, I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE, THE HURT, THE PAIN, IT IS TO UNBEARABLE, SO SICKENING..........

I pray you feel the warmth of my hug as I extend my arms. I feel your pain and I can understand. You will survive. You will be happy again. Take care of yourself. My prayers are with you.<BR>JuJu

H is still in denial as well as OW, I have confronted OWH with the fact that his W, OW, was with my H on July 4th night. Of course I have proof from H mom, OW has denied the tale. Now OWH has confronted his W and she has since denied, OW confronted my WH that her H new about it because I new about it, well, now H is mad at his Mom because he knows she told me, and he cannot believe that his own mom sold him out, and said he does not want to deal with anyone anymore, any of his family at least, because he is tired of hearing everyone's bullsh$#. So he said he is going to get lost for 2 weeks. no contact with no one at all, his cell phone, as of yesterday, has been disconnected. Only persons in contact with him are OW, his uncle and his partying friends. I guess not even his daughter will get a hold of him. He want her this Saturday and Sunday, is it a good idea to let her go with him, i hate the though that it is a possibility that he will have OW around my daughter. I can't stand that idea. Do you think he would disrespect our daughter in that manner? Should I let her go?<p>[This message has been edited by stranger under same roof (edited July 06, 2001).]

SUSR:<P>When my exW was doing the party scene, I made sure that any contact with the children was done in a controlled environment and under supervision. She resented it, and I had it enforced via the courts. Jurisdictions vary widely however, so check with your attorney.<P>Perhaps your MIL's place? You didn't state the age of your D ... but children have feelings in this regard as well.<P>As for the course you take ... that is a tough choice; for not only is the OW (or OWs) involved, but there is a whole lifestyle change, one that includes alcohol. While in this type of fog, there will be no progress.<P>Family members enabling him will only prolong the fog. Take what steps you deem appropriate. Perhaps fully implementing Plan B in conjunction with a separation agreement specifying that D is not to be exposed to a member of the opposite sex in an inappropriate manner. A lawyer will help you with the precise wording.<P>Plan B gives you room to still recover your marriage and work on YOU. Plan D is final. Your call.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

D is 6 years, going on 7 next month. The thing is that H does not ask me if D can go with him, he uses D to ask me, or relays the message with his mom. MIL has been used as a drop of place in the past, during our 2nd separation. Booze and drugs are always around where he stays, and even usually goes. There might be one or two places he can go without there being booze, but usually he makes it a point to buy some along the way. I just found out that H has contacted D at babysitters house. Wants to know if D wants to go with him out of town for the weekend. Of course she wants to go, she misses her daddy, but H has yet to ask me if it is okay. Should it bother me that he doesn't ask, should I go with a third-party thing, where someone else asks for him, like his mom or even his daughter. But what I am doubtful about is that now that he is mad at everyone in his family, he stated that he is going to get lost for two weeks, what if he takes our D and does not come back with her for two weeks, and I will be expecting her back on Sunday, that is scary! Am I correct to assume that that is a possibility! So then what should I do, let her go or not, I can't trust him. But I also know I cannot keep him from his daughter. Court orders are great, but in the meantime, what to do! Should I wait on visitation stuff until I do get a child support order, which can take up to 30 - 40 days after they receive the application, which will be next week. How is it possible to have the no contact thing when children are involved? I assume to just use MIL's place and phone for that stuff? Can't quite understand plan B, when it seems almost, that I have to talk to him or have someone talk to him?

I had a friend that had full custody of the children. When he went to the states to visit and leave the boys with their mother for two weeks he was in for a surprise. On the last day that they were to spend there the biological mother ran off with the boys, ages 6 & 9. So be weary about letting them go and to where & with who around. Take good care of my niece. I would not trust him; however, if he will meet with D at MIL's house sober and clean I would allow it. But, do not let him take her for the weekend since you know, just as well as I, that he will be drinking and having fun and leave D on the side. He can't go very far with out a drink and you know that and so does MIL. One day visits at MIL's ok. Weekends or sleep overs NO WAY!!! Do not let him play with your feelings. Draw a circle on a peice of paper and that is Mama, draw more little circles inside and those are the children that Mama gaurds and protects. No room for a triangle (H). Sorry. Yes, there is someone else out there for you, just be patient and Mr. Right will come along. If you go out looking right away you just may get stuck with another one just like H. Time is needed to rebuild your innerself that has been badly bruised before you start looking again. Take a trip, go to Europe.