After 5 months I figured I was fully recovered. My wife (WS) and I (BS)were doing very well each day. Then yesterday my wife said she didn't think that I should have talked to a lady at her school. Well then I pointed out , probably a love buster, that I meant nothing by it and would not do what my wife did five months ago. My wife was very sorry for what she did before. But last night she said she did nothing wrong. She said she was angry at me for some valid reason (in her mind), the situation was set up by the other guy and so she is blameless. Well I was a bit surpised. I said definitely this kind of thing is wrong because she could have gotten pregnant (it was unprotected sex but she said she quickly washed), she could have gotten AIDS (said there is no AIDS where she is from) and she could have had a divorce (said there was another man waiting to marry her if that happened). Reminds me of the HUMBLEFISH postings. Some people just don't see a problem with all this. But my wife said if I did this, she would divorce me. She said when she did it she was physically separated from me for many months by a long distance. She said now we are not so it is not the same thing. I told her if you are married then no matter what you don't do this kind of thing. She said I don't understand her. I guess I don't. But usually in a day or two we are very fine again and happy. It just seems occasionally these backwards steps occur.

Hi Rodger,<P>I would say that 5 months is an extremely short period of time to think that you are recovered. And judging by your post, I would say that you are not. Recovery should probably take years, and a 'full recovery', in my opinion, is questionable. Former alcoholics often call themselves, 'recovering alcoholics' many, many years after their last drink because they know that they could slide down that slope again someday and that they have to work at it constantly to prevent it. Healing after an A, and getting past it is a process that takes a very long time. All the issues that lead to it must be dealt with, and because you can't change the past, it will always be there as a reminder as to what can happen.<P>It seems as though your WS hasn't taken responsibility for her part in the A, and this is a dangerous thing. This is a mandatory component of a successful recovery. And also, because you made your comment to her about you not doing what she did five months ago, it sounds like you can't discuss her complaint without 'throwing her A back in her face', and this too is something that you must overcome in order to get on that road to recovery.<P>I see your situation as an invitation to a second A until you work past these problems. Particularly reading the comment about another man waiting to marry her if she divorced you! That should be a very big cause for concern.<P>There are no quick fixes here. Expect this to take a very long time, and do what you can to settle these issues before they come around and bite you again. They can't be ignored by either one of you.<P>All the best,