jI was just talking to my oldest daughter. She said that when H was flying with her to DC he tried to justify his affair. He said he wanted his girlfriend to fly into DC and meet my D. <P>How could he possibly do something like that. Is he crazy? If he brings that bimbo anywhere near my family--I will take him to court and it won't be pretty. I am really upset. How dare he? Has he completely lost his mind. <P>I am really upset. Now I am afraid of what he will do when I am gone to Europe. He wouldn't dare bring her to our home would he? I am sick about this. <P>

MNM:<P>Sorry your post got shoved down and it took a while to find it.<P>You properly vent your feelings here. That is very good. But do not pursue it.<P>With my then-18 yo daughter, I gave her love and expressed my concern for her mother. Beyond that, I did not force her to take sides. She was old enough to see her mother's behavior for what it was. The two of them are still not talking much.<P>Affairs and divorce are tragic things. The impact goes far beyond the BS/WS/OP when children are involved.<P>Now <smile> take a deep breath and recite: I will not LB, I will not LB, I will not LB.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

I knew I should have checked this before now.....am afraid I already LB'D majorly... Oh well. This one really hit me in the stomach. How could he do that? Does he have no concern for me and the kids. How selfish is that? Or is he just trying to justify again? <P>I wrote and told him to never try that again. I don't want her near my kids or even talked about with my kids. Do you know my daughter said he went into sexual details and how we are totally incompatible and this lady fulfills his "genetic needs"....yeah right. Who is he trying to convince....himself. Obviously, he has found what he has been looking for the last ten years or so. Maybe they are more compatible....I see our future falling apart as the days go by. I don't have much hope left. <BR> I was really angry tonight. I should always check here before I respond....am afraid my emotions get the most of me.<BR> He is still determined to come when I am in Europe. I tried to prepare my mother for that tonight. She arrived this afternoon and has gotten so frail. She had to use a wheelchair at the airport. I wish he wouldn't put her in the middle of that emotional mess. I know I am going to worry on the trip. I still haven't even packed yet. One more day before we leave. Does this nightmare ever end? Am I "stupid" to even try with this relationship anymore? He has gone beyond hurting me this time...how could we possibly repair the damage he has done? I don't know if I can do it again. I am not sure if he wants to anyway---sounds like he really wants out this time. Thanks for the post---like I said, I wish I had checked first---it is hard for me to keep my emotions under wrap anymore...Major LB tonight. Oh well

<<I wrote and told him to never try that again. I don't want her near my kids or even talked about with my kids. Do you know my daughter said he went into sexual details and how we are totally incompatible and this lady fulfills his "genetic needs"....yeah right.>><P>This guy needed an LB in the chops big-time. Glad you were the right woman to do it, too. This speech is completely out of line and blatantly harmful to the minds of children. No, you set your limits, girl. I don't care what plan you're in. You watch what you do to the cubs or mama bear will rip your head off with one paw tied behind her back! <P>Now, the sleepover thing. *sigh* I think it might be out of your control there. Sorry. I tried to put a stipulation in my marital agreement about sleepovers with unmarried girlfriends, and I got vetoed. Rats. Put a plastic slip cover over your matress (ut-oh, a bad little voice said itching powder, hehehehe...kidding ) and boil the sheets when you get home. Have a good time. I know you deserve the trip.<P>Nell <P>------------------<BR>One faces the future with one's past.<BR>--Pearl S. Buck

Well, he wrote back again. Said he wouldn't comment on my last e-mail...<P>He is coming the night of the 10th to be with the kids at their activities and to work on the house. Keeps trying to make me feel like the bad person here. Oh...the nerve.<P>He said he wants to take the kids out on the boat again...alone. Guess he was reassuring me he won't bring her here.<P>My mom is putting pressure on me to end this mess quickly. She thinks I am crazy for putting up with this again--especially these last few months. She keeps telling me "I told you to end this years ago. I can't believe you grovel in front of him". I don't think I have been groveling---but I do feel like sometimes I am loosing my self respect. Why have I put up with this crap for so long? Is it worth it--I am starting to wonder. Have to run and get going on things for this trip. I will check in with you all later. <BR> I will keep all of you in my thought and prayers these next two weeks...take good care of each other.

MNM:<P>When you reach that "feel like I am groveling" point AND you feel the love for your H slipping away like sand in an hourglass, it is then you must begin thinking of Plan B.<P>Not only is Plan B the last ditch stand in the marital recovery process; it is the process by which you build yourself up. Your children and YOU need that.<P>Perhaps you can use your trip to think about Plan A/Plan B.<P>Prayers and thoughts with you and your family,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL