Well, WS W is back at the house now for about 2 weeks BUT... Will not say it is for "Us", it is that she realized how much she missed the kids and that they still need her (they are both teenagers). She recently went out of town for a couple days (not with any M whatsoever). The day she returned we were to go out to dinner upon her return. Saw her at intersection to go to restraunt (she did not see me she says) though coming from totally wrong direction. I asked where she was coming from and she said took a friend who went with them on out of town trip to a friends house instead of hers. At dinner says she is not hungry as they stopped for pizza on the way home. BUT.... I have since found out she went to a pizza at a place a man (not the original OM) has. I asked where they stopped for pizza and she said a gas station. Should I confront with this info? I do know for a fact the truth though am concerned confronting would be a major LB.. <sigh> If nothing there with this other M then why did she lie? Why eat prior to our going to dinner?

perhaps you can sit on it and gather some info. I'd say you need to keep a pretty good eye on what ever she is doing? take it from the WS that she is up to something. you have already asked her about it and she gave you false info. My question to you is...is she back in your bed? and how long will or what will it take to take her back out? I dont think for any person it is healthy to be a door mat at the WS continues to do the same things that broke you up in the first place.<P>mercy

ne:<P>Trying to apply logic to the actions and statements of WS is an exercise in futility (it will bruise both your brain and heart). They are totally in a fog of self-justification and deceit; within that fog, they have entered an alternate reality.<P>Work on the principles here. We are here to help you part the fog; deal with the fog; and overcome the fog.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mercy:<BR><B>perhaps you can sit on it and gather some info. I'd say you need to keep a pretty good eye on what ever she is doing?<P>NE: Will do and am! I do know that he one day left 4 v-mail messages for her... :P<P> take it from the WS that she is up to something. you have already asked her about it and she gave you false info. My question to you is...is she back in your bed? <P>NE: Yes, for about 2 weeks. And that I can tell no contact with the original (if this one is the 2nd) OM in that time frame except once when he called her and she told me about.<P>and how long will or what will it take to take her back out?<P>NE: Sorry, do not understand your question...<P> I dont think for any person it is healthy to be a door mat at the WS continues to do the same things that broke you up in the first place.<P>mercy</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>So... Do I confront WS about this or not????<P>

ne:<P>"Confront" is the wrong word here. If you wish to bring it up, bring it up along more generic lines:<P><WS>, I am trying to improve myself, to be the husband you want and deserve. In order to reach that point, one of the things I have to resolve is the issue of total honesty in a relationship. Can you help me with that?<P>Directing your concerns to the "I" and not to the "you" is less threatening; deflects the feeling in your WS that it is a personal attack on her integrity, etc. Also, in this type of approach you have made an appeal for her help. Approaching any confrontation in this manner is less likely to result in a LB.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR><B>ne:<P>"Confront" is the wrong word here. If you wish to bring it up, bring it up along more generic lines:<P><WS>, I am trying to improve myself, to be the husband you want and deserve. In order to reach that point, one of the things I have to resolve is the issue of total honesty in a relationship. Can you help me with that?<P>Directing your concerns to the "I" and not to the "you" is less threatening; deflects the feeling in your WS that it is a personal attack on her integrity, etc. Also, in this type of approach you have made an appeal for her help. Approaching any confrontation in this manner is less likely to result in a LB.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>MUCH BETTER! So the question remains, should I then ask her???

ne:<P>That is up to you. It is an opening you can explore ... but, if so, do it very, very delicately. No fingerpointing and make it as generic as possible, as per above.<P>The only other choice, really, is to let it pass for the moment and pursue it through your general Plan A.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL