My W is going out of town this weekend, probably with OM. We are going to be separated in a few weeks so that she can have some time to work on herself and try to fix her life. I've already LB'ed all over the place how this seems to be just a way to get more time with the OM, but she says she says no.<P>Anyway, I suggested that she read M. Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled." I read it recently and it seems to have good info for her just about life in general, plus a great section on how love is a verb, not a feeling.<P>Well, she took it with her this weekend! She told me she was going to, in fact, sort of like, "Look, I'm doing what you wanted me to do..."<P>The idea of her reading that and having potential "enlightening moments" while with OM is making my stomach do the macarena. I'm envisioning her reading it and thinking, "Wow... So that's how it's supposed to be..." then looking over at him and applying all of its logic/lessons (incorrectly) to her relationship with HIM.<P>Is this dumb?<P>Thanks,<BR>zen

No not dumb. But in the end, she may take some good things from the book and eventually do the right thing. Remember that time and statistics are on your side.<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Zen,<P>First, her "finding herself" is a classic WS BS line. See post form last week RE classic WS lines.<P>She cannot possibly find herself while with another person.<P>Second, DO NOT try and educate her even if it is with non MB reading, it perceived as condesending.<P>We are all tempted to educate, it is a big LB, Sorry, I don't make these rules I just try and live by them.<P>JK<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by zen:<BR><B>My W is going out of town this weekend, probably with OM. We are going to be separated in a few weeks so that she can have some time to work on herself and try to fix her life. I've already LB'ed all over the place how this seems to be just a way to get more time with the OM, but she says she says no.<P>Anyway, I suggested that she read M. Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled." I read it recently and it seems to have good info for her just about life in general, plus a great section on how love is a verb, not a feeling.<P>Well, she took it with her this weekend! She told me she was going to, in fact, sort of like, "Look, I'm doing what you wanted me to do..."<P>The idea of her reading that and having potential "enlightening moments" while with OM is making my stomach do the macarena. I'm envisioning her reading it and thinking, "Wow... So that's how it's supposed to be..." then looking over at him and applying all of its logic/lessons (incorrectly) to her relationship with HIM.<P>Is this dumb?<P>Thanks,<BR>zen</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

zen:<P>Hopefully she will read it and the dim glow of thought will push back the fog. As pointed out above, however, the danger is that the message will be diffused, as light in the fog is wont to do, while she is with the OM.<P>Prayers and thoughts with you,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL

ditto JK<P>She's blowing you smoke. You know she's going just to be with OM. Agreeing to read the book is just another lie. Even if she did read it, she could turn it upside down and into a confirmation of what she's doing.<P>I got my wife to read "His Needs/Her Needs". What did it do for her? She said it verified her feelings that she wasn't "in love" with me any more and, presumabaly, gave her lots of ways to ensure she doesn't fall out of love with OM.<P>You cannot do anything to separate the infidels. To hasten the end of the affair, don't interfere with it.<P>WAT

Zen,<P>JK, STL, WAT have some very good points.<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Thanks guys...<P>JK, I don't think I LB'ed in giving her the book. She had bought it to read in '92 I think and never did. Her XH suggested that she read it (probably in a LB'ing way) when they were separating in '97. Now I've read it (I used to think it was just a bunch of claptrap) and I really appreciated it. I told her it was good, and she pestered me for a while to give it back to her (it was in my car), so I did.<P>Yeah, the fog just creeps in everywhere. I've tried to tell her the only way she'll really be able to accomplish her goals of self-change are through being by herself during the sep, not with OM, and she says she realizes this, but... The fog is really messing with her... Like this weekend... a friend of mine says he talked to her and she said she was going out of town "for me." (meaning, herself) So it's irrelevant that it's with the OM, is that it? He's just driving the car, that's all?<P>Thanks again,<BR>zen

Hey WAT, did you ever read my reply to you from a few days ago? Here it is:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010307-2.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010307-2.html</A> <P>Wanted to clarify...<P>thanks and take care!<BR>zen

zen:<P>You could entitle the movie <I>Driving Miss Crazy</I> <smile>.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Agree with everyone above, can't even really comment since OM told me to go out and buy that book while we were "involved" ... ugh