My WH dropped by out of his busy little life this morning,stayed afew minutes and left to go to work at his always busy business. Never has time for anything else. He lives with his OW and I'm in plan A. I am on the verge of plan B.<BR>Right now I feel so angry at him but I don't want to blow the last few times with him before I go to plan B.<P>He says he is going to try to come out this afternoon to see me again. I give it a 50% chance of happening.<BR>If I leave and am not here when he comes, then I think that would be an LB. If I stay and wait for him and am still feeling as angry as I am right now, it will be hard to do a proper plan A.<P><BR>Should I work on the plan B letter and leave it for him on his return?<BR>I don't even have it ready.<P>Any ideas???

Maezy:<P>A couple of weeks ago, WS dropped by to see me on a Saturday morning...which is quite unusual...since he like your WS is so busy with his other life. He stayed about 30 minutes and then he left. I was nice but not excited about it.<P>Well, later on that weekend I found out he had separated from OW and had ended up at his sister's house for the weekend. Of course he went back to OW, but the point is that we never know (being out of the loop) what exactly is going on with WS...so I would say that our job is to be there and be accepting no matter what...Plan A as long as we can.<P>Keep this in mind if he does stop by....you never know.<P>Faye

Maezy:<P>Ditto Buffy.<P>Without a looking glass into the fog, to truly implement Plan A, you must deal with it effective whenever you can. You are not in Plan B yet, so do not be thinking ahead. Implement Plan A while you are still in Plan A. Do Plan B when it is Plan B time.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Thankyou for your responces.<P>It is now 1 oclock here. If he does come it will be soon. I wonder if that's always when he decides to call me or come over,when he's having problems with his OW.<P>Do you ever feel like he's trying to find the courage to tell you something but always backs down?<P>Did you ever feel this way STL?

Maezy,<BR>I agree with the rest, keep up the plan A, be there for him as the loving accepting wife that he knows. OW is proably LB about now and you need to be the safe and sane one.<P>My H looked at me that way too. Once I even said what??? But he finally spit it out that he wanted to come home.<P>I will let you in on a secret. I am sure that he asked to come home because I set a date for myself to go to plan B. I wrote the letter, was giving plan A my last ditch effort, was going to plan B in 2 weeks, and he asked. I am convinced it is because I was really ready to let go and let what happened happen.<BR>Lora

Hey Maezy:<P>Did he show up? Speaking of the look...I think that WS wanted to say something like that when he was there on Saturday...Oh, well, in his own time, huh.<P><BR>Faye

I'm also interested in knowing if he showed up.<P>Regarding working on the Plan B letter. Yes work on the letter, but don't do it and leave it for him on the same day. Take your time, work on it, finalize it based on feedback from your friends here, and when you are ready, you can give it to him....if it comes to that.<P>If you are thinking about it, it is good to just have one. Writing it helps you.<P>You'll just know when and if you are ready to move to Plan B.

I completed another plan B letter today. This one feels "right". The other one I did somehow wasn't "right".<BR>I'll read it again tommorrow and see if it looks as good.<BR>I have set a tentative date for July 15. The only thing that will change this date is if there is some obvious progress between now and then.<BR>BTW, he did not show up. Surprise, surprise!<P>9 days and counting! I better make them good!

Buffy- Just curious, how long has your WH been gone?

My WS has never kept his word about showing up. I used to sit and wait all weekend - just in case he might come by. I truly believed he saw my waiting as pathetic although it might be different for others. When he left this time (Wed), he said he would think and be back to tell me his decision in a few days. I have basically stayed away since then. I know that I will eventually have to face him, but he can wonder what I'm up to for a change. I guess my best advice is to be available some of the time, and during those visits, keep doing Plan A. The other times, take care of yourself. And I'm glad to hear you've set a time limit for Plan A. I waited two years for him, and I regret not taking action earlier. If I had known the MB principles before, I would have gone to Plan B long ago and started things moving in some direction!<P>Good luck!<P>

MAEZY - it must be the full moon that's causing all this Plan B action - myself included.<P>Just wanted to commend you on your logic to make the last of your Plan A efforts pristine. I believe the we need to strive for the biggest "delta" (engineer talk) from the WS's standpoint during the switch to Plan B.<P>Remember, Plan B is more about OUR freedom than about it's potential effect on the WS.<P>Post your draft letter if you want the collective wisdom of the forum. There are lots of good minds here. Steve H. told me that the folks on the forum are an invaluable resource for Plan B letter recommendations.<P>WAT