I just got served, She signed on 4/9, I don't know what took so long, I guess she wasn't sure.<P>So much for Plan A.<P>

Sorry JK. Hopefully things will get better and she'll change her mind.<P><BR>Dino

JK:<P>Have Plan B ready? Implementing forthwith might be a good counter-measure. It generally takes a divorce time to get underway; in the interim, you can give her a dose of Plan D with Plan B. The difference, of course, is that you can go on from Plan B.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

JK,<P>I'm so sorry to hear that she has done this. I can't say I know what it is like, because mine didn't file yet, and can't till Nov. 1.<P>However, please don't say so much for Plan A. Your Plan A should continue as it has been, regardless of this event. There are many people on the forum, some that are recovered, that were served D papers, only to have them eventually retracted. So, this doesn't mean the end. Your wife is acting out of fogginess, and this can change.<P>My personal advice to you is to continue Plan A, but do it for a shorter time than I did, and then move to Plan B. This is a case where a dose of reality needs to be injected before it goes too far. I think that is your best shot. Hard to pick a timeframe, but a two month Plan A and then no contact Plan B would be wise. Just my opinion.<P>Your wife has demonstrated much confusion since you joined here, and there is no way that she is operating with a clear mind....NO WAY. So you still have to operate like the rest of us, with your advanced knowledge of what is going on in her mind. You know more than she does about her mind.<P>Let us know how you are doing, because I'm sure this isn't a great day for you, but we're here and as you know, we want to help.

JK<P>I have heard that sometimes D papers are done as a reaction or to invoke one, as well. Sounds like since 4/9, there has been some thought and/or planning. She may still be unsure, and can rescind at any time prior to final date. Keep doing Plan A, or as STL said, may be time for Plan B, a stronger measure, indeed. <P>SIDE BAR...<BR>Rick, how is your Plan B going. I have been gone and havent seen a post from you? How was the 4th and child exchange?<P>Trueheart

JK:<P>We are here for you. April 9? Hmmm. Can you reconstruct what's happened since then? Where you were then and why it might have progressed to having her serve the papers now?<P>Here's where the tough get going, my friend. Whether you choose to do a short Plan A or go right to Plan B, you've got to look inward, find the strength, and find some love in your heart for her. Don't give in to the temptation to turn bitter... you'll pay later if you do.<P>I think you have to do a minimal Plan A, just to exit on a positive note. It really works. Then once you've laid that foundation so that she can feel like she can still be safe with you, Plan B her, but in the nicest way possible. Amd Plan B yourself. Remember, Plan B is a win-win.<P>You know where we are...<BR>-zen

So sorry to hear this JK, but just keep in mind...it's not over 'till the fat lady sings. Can't give you any advice on what to do next, but the others have done a good job.<P>Hang in there, <BR>hugs, Paint.

Thanks all,<P>Here's my plan, <P>I have Steve H Tuesday AM, I will not speak to ther until then.<P>I was planning on calling her after that to see if she would consider a $75.00 Divorce. other wise it will cost thousands. <P>This will buy time, I have 20 business to respond. In my state their is a clause in marriage dissolution where byt eh court has to determine if the marriage is irretrievably broken. Espically with young children, then the court mandiates 3 months of counseling. I will argue that the marriage is not irretrievably broken and discuss the merits of MB.<P>All of my friends think I'm better off with out her, and I should get on with my life. But I know she need me and needs help. <P>I beginning to think they are right.<P>JK<P>

JK,<P>It is often the case that friends/family think we should dump our WS and move on. It isn't that simple. It isn't the best thing for the kids. Understanding the psychology of affairs (as per what we learn here) is important. It enables us to see our WS differently than the average person.<P>If it weren't for MB and the knowledge of affairs, I'm sure many of us would have written our WS off long ago. But we know that they are like alcoholics, and you can't reason with a drunk.<P>I'd not mention the $75 option. It isn't really what you want anyway, is it? Steve will help you alot.<P>There are just too many cases of people filing, then withdrawing. Much the same as people coming back after a Plan B. The shock and reality are too much.<P>I like this statement "But I know she need me and needs help". Yes, you know that she needs you. She doesn't know it. Do you want to give up or be there for her? There are so many cases of recovered couples here on MB, where the WS says "thank goodness you stood strong and believed in our marriage". I want to be one of those, and I hope you do too. It may not happen for me, but I'm willing to give it a shot. It may or may not happen for you, but only you can make sure that it "might" happen.<P>Good luck JK. I know this is a very difficult time, and it is hard to make decisions. Hang in there.<P>

Rick 37<P>Good advice, I will wait until Tuesday to speak to her.<P>I will tell you, getting served (at work), the feeling is the same feeling of ice runnig through your veins ones has on D -day. It passed quickly, and I felt a sence of releif. Like I can now get on with my life, this is not what I want but it is what it is. <P>Meanwhile, I'll get some excerise this weekend, I have a party to go to tomorrow. then Sunday I have some light plans, I was gonna work on Plan A but now I'll wait for Steve as he may advise me to go to plan B<P>I'll be on and off the board all weekend.<P>Thanks again, <P>JK

JK,<P>Just one thought before I go to bed, in case you have any contact with your W before your call with Steve. I believe he'll tell you to Plan A awhile longer. But we'll wait and see.<P>However, in any conversation that might occur with her, Plan A and avoid LBs. Don't be in Plan B mode until Plan B starts.<P>Enjoy the party tomorrow....you probably need it.

JK - wise to hold everything until you talk to Steve.<P>One thought - an immediate entry into Plan B will be seen by her as retaliation. Talk about this with Steve.<P>We're with you.<P>WAT