Hi,<P>I know I'm not supposed to think about this, I know I shouldn't make it my focus, and I'm not really .... but can you guys please remind the several "reasons" why an A does not last. I have all the books, read all the literature, just would like to see my post fill up with threads why most "A" DO NOT LAST.<P>Can you help me??? <P>------------------<BR>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"

Reason number one. It's a fantasy. Reality eventually sinks in, and that is the cause of the death of the A.<P>I can't think of any more right now... but that pretty much covers all of it, doesn't it? <P>Karen<BR>

A do not last because they are built from a lie, and for the most part when offerd the choice the WP stays with the marriage. You cannot in most cases build anything standing from deciet. But for those cases that it does not end it is not longer an A it is the way your life was fated to turn. Jo there is a person out there deserving of you and all the greatness you have and show. I love you honey!!! <BR>Maine<BR>When the blind see for the first time ever, the world is fresh and new and perfect, but in time they see they world is JUST like the world was before sight. <P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

They don't last because they're built on shifting sand - lies and deception - nothing can take root.<P>WAT

Thanks Topie and Maine!<P>Hey Maine, I'm not waiting for my XH to return to me, I simply want to see that everything that I have read and learned, knowing the illictness of their A and the abusive nature of OW, they will crash and burn. Even if they marry. <P>I just wanted to hear from others on the "whys", of a relationship spawned thru an A will fail.<P>Thank you Maine for your vote of confidence in me. <P>Love,<BR>Jo<P>Nudge to the TOP.<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 07, 2001).]

Thank you WAT .. you ROCK!

The A doesn't last because it starts with a 'bad seed'. The see may germinate (ea) and even blossom for a while (pa - soulmate, life long partner, etc.) and in some cases bear fruit (OC). But in reality the chances of survival are bad since it is based on a sick start. Time will show all and it tells no lies. The turn of events may actually result in the breakup of a family or restoration of a marriage but it will cause a change since change is inevitable.<P>It is not the OC's fault but may be what the OC is forced to carry for the rest of it's life. Others have to live with the knowledge and those directly involved have the live with the consquences. So regardless of where each A ends up, the start (the seed) is already bad. For those who believe the Bible, it is already a comdemed relationship that does not have God's blessings. Try as they may you can not clean a permanently stained relationship. It will never come close to the clean, approved and scriptural relationship as sanctioned by God who is the one who instituted the marriage relatioship. <P>Even though some have replaced the emotional marriage to their spouse with another and claim that their marriage is 'just on paper', have to admit there is a marriage. Something those in the A can never fully have. Oh yes there are those OP's (mostly psyco OW's) who claim that an A is actually better than a marriage - quote from Pysco Babble), but those are just words and even my H said that was nonsense. But you gotta give them credit for trying. <P>A's and those in A's are wanna be's. Pretending, playing house with the real things and still playing not living reality. Yes, they deal with bills, resposibilities etc of some stuff in life but basically they are void of really living since the fantasy world never can be reality. No more than a cartoon can come to life. They would like it to but it just can not. <P>L.<BR>

Hi Res,<P>I posted my theory on this a few days ago, perhaps you'd like to read it? <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009801.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009801.html</A> <P>I got a lot of positive feedback! :><P>All the best,

Double yet gentle nudge back to the TOP.

Love the link, Redon! Thanks! That really helps clear the... uh.. fog? uh... helps clarify things for me. <P>------------------<BR>Faith1

R:<P>Do we attach ourselves to phantoms in a fog; or the diva dancing in daylight?<P>When the fog fades, so does the phantom. What remains? The diva that was always there to be seen.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Resilient...<P>Anything built on lies is a lie. There is no sound foundation, no solid base, no chance for real growth! The passion felt in the beginning is a false sense of security, another lie...to oneself! Statistics dont lie...they usually don't work out!!<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart