Good Morning Everyone...<P>I just read a "Plan B letter on its way" by WAT, and every post talked about plans with their kids for the weekend. I admire all of you for spending quality time with your children while you have to go through this pain. I also understand how important it is to save the marriage when children are involved. However, I am struggling with my situation. My H and I do not have kids together. (I say together because H has been having an affair for at least two years, so who knows? He may have a child.) Anyway, I really want children, and I feel time ticking away as I "wait" for my H to figure out his life. My friends say there is someone out there who will love and respect me as I deserve. That I will be able to have a family with someone more stable. I am so angry that OW has children from previous marriage, and H has told me we are not ready. I wonder if he takes on the roll of dad over there. H still hasn't admitted to A, and I'm sitting here making up all sorts of scenarios.<P>Please help with my perspective.

We have no children either yet we are still trying to make things work. It just shows that it is not just he children you are saving the marriage for. Any way it would be a very bad idea to save a marriage just for the kids. <P>One of the reasons my W had the EMA was that she thought I didn;t want children. She had no reason to, we just never talked about it because we have to first reach a certain income level where it is responsible to have kids. I have seen two couples break up because the woman wanted children right now and the man didn't - or actually, these women had not made it sufficiently clear how important it was to them. Paradoxically, they will all now have to wait even longer for children. My W because I do not want any untill our marriage is completely restored. Those other women because they will have to find another man first and build a life with them. <P>Your position is the other way round, but still similar: whether you work on your marriage or leave, you will be no where nearer having children. You would have to find a guy you can love and trust enough. You should just decide whether there is enough between you to keep things going, and, even though they are not born yet, keep ythe kids out of it!<P>

everron: Don't give up. Stick with it. You know who for? For you.<P>grrrrrr - Did you read my response to your question in that other thread?<P>zen

Everron:<P>It boils down to this: do you want to preserve your marriage? (From your post, I assume the answer is yes.)<P>Children in the equation create an additional level of complexity in the relationship. Additional possibilities of lovebusters, additional individuals who are hurt by the affair. But, essentially, marital recovery is between the two adults.<P>So, the fact that there are no children involved does not mean that MB won't work for you. The principles, children or not, are the same.<P>I would like to welcome you to MB, but regret the circumstances.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL