I calmed down from my discoveries earlier on today. I decided to take the advice to tell H, but not until another time when I am certain that we are BOTH adhering to the rule of honesty.<P>I gave the 2 yr old to my dad for a few hours, then packed up the twins and walked up to H's work for the end of his shift (it's only a 15 to 20 minute walk from home). He knew I was coming... he actually requested it. He asked me to bring him a coffee (Tim Horton's of course! LOL) on the way, and I did that too.<P>He did the close of the store (a U-Haul centre actually), and we went for a short drive. We talked about what we would do tonight. My first suggestion was to get things ready around the house for moving the rest of his things here starting tomorrow. But he was too tired for that. He suggested we rent a movie, and watch it together, while snuggling on the couch.<P>Oh how I adored the idea!! Physically, things have been pretty distant between us in the past 2 weeks since I found out that he was still having the odd contact with OW#1, and we found out I was pregnant again. It was going to be a nice relaxing evening.<P>We arrived home, and I lit the bbq to make a quick dinner for us. As it was heating up, H got a phone call from his boss. They are friends outside of work, so they talk regularly after hours. He invited H to come over to his place for the evening... and H agreed.<P>Needless to say, I was hurt. I did my best to avoid LBing, but I did tell him quite to the point, that I felt as though I've been pushed from being his number 1 tonight, down to his #2. Which, in essence, I have. I told him that I was not happy about him going over there, and had been really looking forward to spending some one on one time together tonight. I also reminded him, that we had agreed that he and his boss would be getting together fairly regularly, but on paydays or the night after. I could handle that. It was a reasonable request.<P>Well, payday isn't until next Friday. Although I shared my feelings with my H (and I wasn't mean or spiteful either.. just truthful, and showed my disappointment in my tone.. no anger), he still went out.<P>Oh, he claims he won't be very long tonight.. but to me, that's not the point. He only just left around 30 minutes ago (it's 9:50pm my time), and the last time they went out together for a 'short' time, H didn't come home until after 2a.m.<P>Part of me wants to call him, let's say, at 11:30pm or so to see if he'll be coming home soon.... and the other part of me wants to just do my usual evening chores and then just head straight to bed. I'd love to just wait up for him as well... but to me, that would only show that I approve of his actions tonight... which I do not!<P>I believe I did my best this evening by telling him how I felt, and sharing with him some of my needs. I couldn't have been more to the point. For a change (from the past), I didn't dance around the issue... and yet he still went out. It's not that I am begrudging him having a good time with his buddy... but I need to have a good time too (and for me, that means spending time alone with my H).<P>So... I'm just feeling a little bit down tonight. I thought it best to post my feelings on here, so that they don't build up throughout the rest of the night and be directed towards H in an unMBlike manner.<P>Thanks for listening.. well, reading. <P>Karen<BR>

Dear Karen,<P>Ok, I should be cleaning my house (it is 7pm here and H is at work - I worked this morning and was totally exhausted). But I want to help you through this. You are pregnant. H should be there for you especially when he said he would be. So he is easily manipulated by others (including another man - his biss). Hmmmm..... remember this when he uses the 'you are controlling me' excuse. <P>For tonight, I want to send the LB Fairie over and bop some sense back to your H. Can I?!?!? If not, second resort, pamper yourself. Are the babies ready to go down for the night? I know you are at an unconfortable stage (I was sick all day and totally exhausted between 3pm - 8pm every night. Then caught my 2nd wind and would stay up way to late. <P>You have the right to be upset. When you H comes home, if he feels guilty, don't apologize or make him feel better, he needs to feel his guilt for abandoning you. Do I sound harsh? Yes, because he did a bad bad thing. ..... <P>Watch a good movie, relax in bed (if possible - lots of pillows), whatever makes you comfortable and able to relax. <P>Keep posting, I will check back. <P>L.<BR>

Thanks for the quick reply Orchid.. You're AWESOME!!! Have you been told that lately?? If not, then allow me;<P>ORCHID IS AWESOME!!!!<BR>(I'd put it in bold, but I don't know how..hehehe).<P>All the kids are already sleeping for the night (well, the twins will wake up in another 3 or 4 hours.. we haven't quite managed to have a regular sleep through the night all the time mode..sigh!).<P>I've been really lucky in the pregnancy so far. I'm only at about 5 or 6 weeks, but still... in my previous pregnancies, I had awful nausea (especially after brushing my teeth)... but none of those usual signs are here (yet?). I'm actually feeling too tired to pamper myself tonight. This lack of sleep has been catching up to me bigtime these past few weeks (I've had no more than 6 hours of straight uninterrupted sleep since Andrew passed away last September 11th).<P>Although I like the idea of H getting a good bop on his noggin' for his bad action tonight.. I would be far more grateful for a visit from Mr.Sandman to the twins... a dose that would keep 'em sleeping through the night for a couple of days in a row (BOTH of them), would be perfect! grin<P>I do hope H feels guilty when he comes home tonight. Oh the LB's that are running through my head!!! I could even go so far as to lock him out for the night (we haven't made a copy of the key for the bolt lock for him yet... I had the locks changed in February.. the same night I kicked him out). Oh.. the thought seems so perfectly unMBlike... so I won't do it (resisting temptation can be hard, eh? LOL). I wouldn't do it anyways. It goes against my goal here.<P>Well, for now, I think I'll just do some laundry (never ending in a house with 3 kids 2 and under...lol), some dishes, and see if I can get my living room looking like one again (as opposed to the toy tornado site it appears as now). I'll keep the pc on... and keep on checking on here. It helps me to answer others posts in my down times. It really puts things into perspective for me.<P>Karen<BR>

You sound to me like an extremly strong woman. You handled yourself so calmly, if it was me I would not have been so nice although I understand it's against MB principals but I think all that would have went out the door right behind him.<BR>Be proud of yourself for all that you're doing. Pregnant and little ones at home and let down by your H and you didn't scream and yell! A pat on the back!

Karen,<P>I have only 1 6 year old and really have no excuse compared to you for not keeping up with my housework. I really have to start vacuuming soon. Good thing we are too poor to have a big house!!! LOL..<P>Nah, not awesome just able to share a caring word now and then. You have been there for me and I really appreciate it. Isn't that what friends are for? <P>Get some rest mom. I know you need it. Me too! I personally don't think you will be kicked off this board for locking your H out. Why would he tell us?!?!? LOL!!<BR>But I know about that temptation. <P>You know these WS's should be glad we can vent here. Just think how much more dangerous their world or this world would be if we didn't have a place to vent? Hm.....?<P>L.<BR>

shedawg: Thanks for your vote of confidence in handling myself well... but believe me, this is a VERY new found level for me. I've done a darn good job at LBing... and anyone who has followed my posts back in May would know. (I got hold of the various phone numbers to different women my H was either dating or in the works of getting to that point, and called them all up to tell them they should get themselves checked for STD's.. b/c I had some abnormal results, and H is the only one I've been with in 6 yrs. That same night ended with me calling the cops on him... oops! I didn't post about that before.. it was over something stupid really.. he took my copy of the minivan key, and I wanted it back. He wouldn't give it back unless I gave him the list of phone numbers. I called the cops on him, they got me the key, in return for the numbers, and then asked if I had another copy..which I did.. and they smiled at me!! I was being coaxed into LBing by the Police Dept!!!) Anyways.. my point is, although it was nice to allow other BS's on here to live vicariously through my MAJOR LBing... my time in that area is done now. I've paid the price.. but it did feel REALLY good at the time! <P>Orchid: You are so right!! The methods I've learned in coping with my anger and frustrations are thanks to this wonderful board. At first I would do the LBing, and THEN write about it. Not anymore (well, I try not to anyways) Ah... if only they knew what scoundrels they are in the MB world! LOL.<P>Karen<BR>

shedawg: I should add, that the reason my LB was so stupid on wanting my copy of the minivan key, is because, I DON"T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!!!! I guess us BS's are in a fog of our own at times. <P>Karen

topie25!!<P>Good for you keeping your cool. Way to go! I would sleep on the sofa tonight and let a little bit of guilt get him, if he wakes you and ask if you were waiting up for him say "no not really, just thought we could watch that movie that you promised earlier" I don't think that that would be an LB. But would let him know of your disappointment. Does he get up with the twins for you or is that all on you? How old are the twins?<P>Please remember that you are pregnant and that you must take care of yourself and the new life within.<P>God' blessings to you tonight, I am here for awhile as I just go to work. Dawn

Oh Topie, I feel for you, I really do! I agree that you should stop clearing those toys away NOW and go do something nice for yourself - eat ice-cream in the bath, then paint your toe-nails while you can still reach them LOL! <P>I've been a 'bad Mom' today....I treated myself to a magazine, started reading it earlier on - kept on reading it - and have just realised I 'forgot' to put my 5-year old to bed and the reason she's so quiet is that she's fallen asleep on the floor under the coffee table.... LOL! I now have to lug her up the stairs and put her to bed properly <P>One day I'll get myself organised!!!!<P>hugs, Paint.

Topie,<P>To one down girl from another, here's an old one - hang in there. You are one strong girl. Your H really should have stayed with you - don't understand this one. I'd have to go back in archives to read your story.<P>We have alot of pain don't we. When I saw your topic I wanted to give you some strength - I see you've had some of the best kind though. I could not have done better. Maybe the couch would be comfortable so he could wake you up, you could say you were waiting for him to come home. Take care of yourself and that baby. hugs, aftershock

Well, here's the update:<P>At 12:50a.m, H still wasn't home. I decided to call him on his cellphone... and much to my dismay, he didn't answer it! That really ticked me off, and I have to admit that I didn't leave a very nice message. It went something like, "Am I to assume that you are not coming home tonight? I am still very hurt that you went out with Archie tonight. The fact that you are not answering your phone makes me wonder what the hell you're up to. I am going to bed, but am still only locking the bottom lock. Good night.". Okay, so by typing it out it doesn't sound too too bad... but my tones told a different story.<P>I decided to try and get some sleep, but being wired, I figured I had better read. So I finally pulled out my borrowed copy of SAA, and starting reading (from the no contact and withdrawal points). That was a bad move on my part. It got me more riled up. But I eventually put it down and was asleep by 1:30am. <P>At 1:50am, I awoke to H returning home (mum's ears I guess...grin). I called upstairs to him that I was downstairs (our bedroom is set up in the basement). I tried to get back to sleep, but could not (with pregnancy comes pee breaks all the time.. sigh!). So I went upstairs to use the facilities (lol), but didn't say a word to H. I explained later to him that I didn't know how to start without it being an angry outburst.<P>H joined me downstairs within a minute or two, and while he ate his snack, I continued to think of the best way I could phrase my opening sentence. I didn't do very well (tone wise again), and asked him if he got my message.<P>He had.. and went into his 'reason' being b/c he left the phone in the car, yada yada yada. Fine. I can accept that. But the mum in me had to retort that him doing that concerns me, b/c 'what if' I had tried to get in touch with him in regard to the kids?. I left that at that.<P>I went on to remind him how hurt I was, and reiterated what I had told him before he left for the evening. I asked him if there was anything else I could have said that would have been more clear to him. I also asked that if the fact that I did NOT rant and rave was why it didn't sink in with him.<P>I did get an apology out of him (without having to ask for one... big change!!). He said, "I am sorry. I didn't realize tonight meant so much to you".<P>We were up talking until 3:30am. H is sound asleep now (and my how he snores!! I HATE that!!). I am wired yet again... my 20 minute 'powernap' did wonders I guess!<P>It is now 4:50am my time. And to my surprise, the twins haven't woken up yet! WOW!! Mr.Sandman DID come after all! <P>We talked about some other issues as well (I'm on my way to post that in a different thread I started this afternoon called, "Oh my! I snooped again!".)<P>daybreak: I am the only one who gets up with the twins (they'll be 5 months old on July 17th). H will prop their bottles if he happens to be upstairs and awake and I'm in bed, but aside from that, it's pretty much only me. I would love a break sometime, and have mentioned it to H. However, the way I focus on things are: H works sometimes 6 days a week, that's his job. I'm a stay at home mum, that's my job. I don't really mind getting up with them, but a break every other weekend would be nice (gotta talk to H about that one).<P>Karen<BR>

KAREN you are my hero!!!!!!!!!!! you are incredibly strong in body and mind to handle what you have to emotionally, and new baby, and 3 already. I have 3 of my own and that drives me to exhastion almost daily. I do not know you and have not posted to you yet, but i really felt the need to tell you that you seem a AMAZING, and i am proud of the way you handled that.<BR>KEEP SMILING!!!<BR>MAINE<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

mainemade: <<<blush>>> Thanks for the vote of confidence. I ought to bookmark this page and read through it the next time I'm feeling down.<P>Karen