In April I found a cell phone bill that fell out of my husbands portfolio when I lifted it to dust our dresser which had been mailed to my husband care of a post office box in another city. This was before I found out he had had an affair with woman #2. The calls on the bill were to a woman my husband swears is just a freind, woman #1. The calls were made every other morning to woman #1's voice mail, home, and place of employment. I later found out the other numbers on the bill belonged to the woman he had had an affair with. For starters I never knew he had a cell phone or a seperate amiling address via a post office box, he kept it secret. I was incedibly concerned that my husband may be having an affair with woman #1 so I called sprint for copies of the March bill. My husband insisted he hadn't called her since february, the calls were work related and such. I had to know if he was telling me the truth and the march bill would help do that, verify his story he hadn't had contact with her since February or he did and lied again. This was still a bit before I learned he had an affair with woman #2. When I hadn't received the duplicate Spring bill for March by May 30, 2001 my husband said he called Sprint himself to find out where it was and he was told it had been sent to another city with the same name as ours in a different state. I called sprint, their records showed it had been sent to my city not the other one my husband claimed they had. 2 Weeks ago I again contacted Sprint requesting copies of the March bill which I should have received 5 days agao. Am I nuts or is he intercepting the mail snatching the invoices out before I can get the mail? He's done that before to me, and if he is intercepting them I can only believe the worst. I havn't confronted him about not receiving the second request for March's phone bill, I did call this womans voice mail, home ansering machine and plain pager leaving messages for her to please call me, I was polite explaining there were some questions I had that maybe she could help me answer. The woman never called me and my husband says she has called his voice mail reporting she was receiving hang up calls and was it me making them. I guess if there is no other relationship other than freindship why wouldn't she call me back? Do I confront my husband again about the missing March invoices Sprint shows to have sent me twice now? Di I call this other woman at her place of work and ask the questions?

Wow, if I didn't know better I would say that your H was having an A with the same OW my H was. Except that we are in CA. <P>My H had sprint and setup a PO box for his Sprint bill to go there. OW made sure he had a PO Box (she had several of them herself (about 3 or 4 within the last 10 years), secret voicemail #, separate cell phone #, many e-mail addresses, etc. Oh yes, she accused me of calling her home and hanging up on her. I did not do that but H believed her (at first). She even accused me of sending her death threats but would not produce the evidence. When she responded with a threatening e-mail, I forwarded it to hot mail and they shut 2 of her accounts down. Once for the threat and the other for obscene writing & picture. She is nasty (literally). <P>So you are right to question this so called 'friendship'. The d/d night I discovered OW's voice message that ended in "I love you". on H's cell phone he said she was a 'friend' then said she was a 'good friend'. I said any 'good friend' of H's or mine would never tell my H "I love you". So that is when it began for me. Your H needs to know that you are not stupid. If this is such a friend, then you need to meet his 'friend'. Call his bluff. Don't let him play you for a fool. <P>I told H, someone needed to be having a good time during this A because I sure wasn't. He said neither was he. Then I said that OW must be having a good time, because some sure should otherwise why all the suffering? Scarcastic? Yes. LB? No. <P>I too called Sprint for back statements, it cost $50.00 and I charged it to H's account. H intercepted that statement but I found it later in his truck. H's sprint bills were over $2000.00. He still owes. He and OW used to talk for hours. 3 -4 hours at a time. H used to fall asleep with her jabbering on and on. Her nick name is Pysco Babble. A name she rightly earned. <P>Then H was worried that I would call her from the phone numbers on his sprint bill. I said not to worry, I already had her phone number, I just wanted to see how many times he called her. Hm...... made him wonder again why. I just let him wonder. <P>Can't help them while they are in the fog. Until they take steps to come out, you gotta just protect yourself and watch. Sometimes gathering proof is good but can be dangerous and hurtful. <P><BR>Just added: Can you access his account on-line? <P>Don't call OW. Why should she help you? You are her #1 enemy. Instead be calm and cool. <P>Take Care, <BR>L.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited July 08, 2001).]

I tried to access his account on line but he has a security code/block out so I can't get in. He is more than just freinds with her isn't he?

cloudseeker<P>Do you have the same post somewhere else tonight? I thought I answered it but do not see my response here now. Either my computer messed up or I’m losing my mind. Hope it’s the former.<P>Anyway……<P>Rend a mailbox, call Sprint and change the billing address to your mail box and then ask for the statements again. Once you get the statements, and then change the billing address back to what it was originally. Is this sneaky?? Yes but it works.<P>As for his sprint security code, if I understand what you are saying, it’s the last four digits of his social security number. <P>Z<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

cloudseeker - I'm sorry to predict that he's in deep. You can do all kinds of snooping to further confirm it, but he'll just deny, deny, deny.<P>Sure, call the OW and find out first, before she hangs up on you, if she knows your H is married. It's likely he's lying to her, too.<P>Then get smart about all the MB principles and get started salvaging your marriage.<P>WAT

cloudseeker<P>Once again WAT is right. <P>The thing about snooping is to collect enough information to prove to yourself that you are not nuts, that you are not imagining things. It can also help prove disprove, in some cases, the theory that the WS is still involved.<P>You have already sent the bill, it shows that your husband as making the calls. That many calls to a woman is inappropriate for any married man. It sounds to me like you need to have a copy of that bill so that you have tangible proof for yourself. Proof that you are not the insane one.<P>Does your H use a computer to communicate? If so put tracking software on it (www.iopus.com). <P>But you will also want to be careful of how much snooping you do. It can become obsessive and you can find information that is too intimate and therefore too hurtful. You only need to know that he is still involved in an affair and that your husband is lying about it.<P>Now that you know that, decide what you will do about it? Taking care of yourself, your children (if you have any) and your marriage must be your primary focus.<P>Please understand that I am not implying here that you are over doing the snooping. It’s just a general warning based on my experience. <P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

cs:<P>"Snooping" is merely validation of radical honesty. In the case of a BS, such as you, it is a marital right to know about things that are having an impact on your marriage.<P>I concur with WAT, et al., your H is probably in deep, for the behavior pattern is a common one.<P>Also to follow up on WAT: Read the material on this site, and Dr. Harley's <I>Surviving an Affair</I> and <I>His Needs, Her Needs</I> if you haven't already.<P>Then start Plan A-ing your butt off!<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL