What a week!!<BR>Thursday I got the letter that said H wanted to leave Sept 1/01. It said he was greatful for all I had done but he didn't love me and couldn't. We talked a little after and I told him I would be there and the ground rules and that I loved him. OW phoned and yelled at me. I told her not to call here anymore. She was not happy. H was not happy either.<P>Friday, H called me at work and said he had booked a councelling appointment for Monday. I said "Does that mean you want to work it out?" He said "Just to talk".<P>Today I explained I had arranged finances for him to move out and explained it all and how it would work with the kids. He said that he couldn't get what he wanted in life if he left that I was the one who could make it happen (meaning financially). He admitted to the EA and to wanting a PA with OW. He admitted that it was an affair and that they had agreed to no contact and that she was thinking of quiting (they work together). He said he wanted to try and that he was being selfish. He even looked throught the SAA book with me. He said he was sorry and hugged me.<P>Now I am very scarred. I love him and want this. If I let myself trust him I feel like I will just be torn down again. My heart broke this morning when he said all those things and for the first time in over a year I feel like he was really telling me the truth. He even admitted to being depressed but said that he will not take medication. We are going to councelling and he is not moving out for today.<P>Should I leave him alone for a while or what?? I feel like I really need time to heal for a bit. I am numb. I thought having this happen would make me very happy but it did not. It made me very scarred and worried. I have not gotten angry once or LB at all. This is huge. I really wanted to hit him when he told me he wanted a PA but then didn't. I thanked him for telling me instead. Maybe I will wait until next time to hit him!! LOL.<P>I think I am OK but could really use good words.<P>Thanks<P>Cleo<P><BR>

Cleo, <P>My original search on your user name was wrong and I thought this was your first time to GQII. I will do more research so I can be of better assistance. <P>We would like to help. There are a lot of Canadian supporters out here. <P>L.<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited July 08, 2001).]

Hi Cleo,<P>I did my search and homework. Yes this old mind recalls your post. You must excuse my slowness a lot has been happening. Right now though you need support that is what we are all here for. <P>Your H has given you a date. These are his children. Is he prepared to take them with him? If yes, you are the mom in their life and he is prepared to deal with breaking them away from you? <P>Legally you may have no choice but those little ones can certainly voice their opinions. How old are they? The fact that you already had an incident with 1 child will weigh heavily on the court if they find out. <P>Now what is in your favor? Your H relies on you for major family items/issues. Yet he wants freedom. At what price? So did my H. Then he found out that freedom out there with the OW was not as pretty as they had painted it to be. They made their own messes and now could not blame it on anyone but themselves. That is what living out of our home did for H. <P>You feel you are in plan A? Sounds more like you are in plan B. Your H is not speaking to you. Is he speaking to the boys? How are the children reacting to the way he has been treating you? <P>My son saw H throw me across the room twice at the beginning. My H was not a violent man but you see what the A does to their morals? So you think anyone in their right mind would encourage someone to have an A knowing what it does to the rest of the family? NOPE only stupid OPs would encourage or condone such actions. Oh yes H did apologize but nonetheless it happened and history can not be erased. <P>So the fact that your H is in such heavy withdrawals may be a sign of something more than what he is saying. At this time, read up on plan B in SAA and his needs/her needs. If you can do a phone counseling session with Steve Harley or Jennifer (even if it is by yourself), try it. They can help you do a plan B letter. <P>I don't want to push you to plan B but your H is relying on you to keep up the family and let him leave. My H wanted to wait and leave when it was convenient for him and OW, I said NOPE, he needed to leave because that was what he was going to do, he needed to do it NOW. So Ow blames me for kicking him out when in reality I just helped him out sooner so that it would not be convenient for him. I don't need to make life convenient for the A. <P>If your H does not speak with you, can you e-mail him? When tension was high, I foudn it easier to e-mail H then he could not blame me for what I sounded like, just what I said. <P>Keep posting here and take care.<P>L.<BR>

Thank you for you input. I think I agree. We have a councelling appointment today. It will be the first one we have had together since all of this started. It is the first one he has agreed to and he made the appointment.<P>Today, I am not ready to ask him to leave. I want to hear what he has to say at the councellor. Every ounce of me tells me that he is still lying so that probably means that he is.<P>It was a very stressful weekend for me. Even after he told me he wanted to stay and that he would have no contact with OW I think that made it worse. Part of me wants to believe him but the rest of me knows that he won't be able to have no contact. He works with her. I will say that this is the first time ever that he has admitted that it was an affair and appologised. I showed him the no contact letter in SAA but that seemed to make him really angry. I didn't ask him to write one I just showed it to him. I left it alone after that.<P>Oh well. I am still going to the bank and I will still make sure that all is ready for Plan B. I really don't want to do this to the kids.<P>Cleo