Originally posted in Emotional Needs<P>I have finally decided to ask my wife what she wants to do when she gets back from her trip to Chicago. When we last talked I told her that I would forgvie her for having a PA with the OM at her work place. But the time has come for her to decide if she wants to work on our marriage and its problems or stay with OM. I told her before that she would have to stop seeing the OM. The problem was that they work at the same place and she is his boss. I told her that either she quit her job, fire him, or move him to a different shift. If she can't or won't do any of the above then I am going to file for a divorce under the adultry condition. I can forgive her for her past PA with OM but I will not forgive her again if she continues the PA with him. I know that it probably seems harsh but I need to do something to let her know that I am tired of playing games with her. If she is not serious about us working things out then she will have to live with her decision.

OAS,<P>Sounds like you are ready to jumpt into the d/d side. A bit of background maybe? There are a few in your case (co-worker A). A bit harder and even dangerous with a superior vs ee situation. <P>Are you familar with plan A or Plan B concepts? You sound sure of your direction, maybe we could help. <P>L. <BR>

I understand that I probably should not put a time limit or give some type of ultimatum. I have been on Plan A since she left. Before she left she had said that it would be wrong of her to get involved with somebody else while she was on her own and thinking about what she wanted. She set the initial ground rules. Now she is having a PA with the OM. All her friends support what she is doing so she does not see anything wrong with it. I will only let myself be taken advantage of for only so long. I have some other concerns that I have to deal with now also. My father may be dying if the heart surgery that he needs does not go well. I have been having chest pains also. My new cardiologist is still waiting for the xrays from my old doctor so that he and his team can decide on the next course of action. The last cardiologist told me that I have a genetic defect in my heart where several of the arteries do not go to the right areas of the heart. My insurance does come into effect until August 1. So, I may also be facing some surgery sometime soon also. I have recently started a new job and while in training if you miss too many days then they said that that individual will be let go. So I have quite a few things going on in my life right now besides my wife. I still love her very much and she is at the top of my list. That is why I have put some extra pressure on her to decide what it is she wants to do. Many of you may think that this makes it look like I do not want to try and save my marriage but that is far from the truth. I would give up anything to bring her back to me. But like I said the final decision is hers alone.

Oh, OAS,<P>I am sorry for your health problems. You do have a multitude of issues. Is this the best way to help eleviate your stress? Then you must do it. However, I would like to recommend a session with Steve or Jennifer. They can make it so that you feel less stress and yet make an impact. <P>Your health is important. Respect for you is a requirement. I understand. More support is coming. <P>L.

OAS,<P>Sounds like its plan B time rather than D/D?<BR>But again I am new here.<P>First and foremost, take care of yourself.<BR>You cannot give and take care of others around, unless you have taken care of yourself.