I've been lurking on this site for a long time, but have never thought to post until now. Tonight, I am frustrated, annoyed and angry, among other emotions.<P>A history. My husband got into his latest affair about a year ago. I called him on it after a few months, cause I had enough information to do that. He denied it, but we have been supposedly trying to work things out. The problem is because of jobs, he has been living in different cities for almost a year and a half now. <P>The affair was with someone at his old employer. He lost that job because of low sales. He went into depression at that point and remains that way. His new job is even further away (at least on the last one we saw eachother every weekend). Now, because of finances we see eachother maybe every two weeks.<P>He claims he is no longer in the relationship, but because of the distance, I cannot believe him. He is a 90 minute drive from her, and 4 hours from me. And he doesn't mind driving.<P>Has anyone tried to repair a relationship in this situation? I try to believe him, but then I can't reach him on his cell phone. Of course, he could be anywhere with that phone and I would never know.<P>He claims he still loves me, want to keep the marriage together. Because he is unsure of the new job, we haven't considered selling our house and me moving where he is. Also, it was my job, very stable, that kept us afloat while he looked for new work. And, I love my job and don't want to give it up. His depression, sometimes uncontrollable, is bad but he will not seek help. <P>There are times when I have my bad days. Tried to take too many pills a while back and realized I had gone off the deep end. And, pulled myself back together. He always has excuses though on why he remains unavailable. (Sleeping, working in an area where he has no signal, fishing with the guys). His previous lies make it hard for me to believe him but I cannot track him down because of the distance.<P>I have the OW email and her phone number, but have never called because I'm afraid I would loose it or find out he is there.<P>I am lost -- My friends and family know what I am going through, and think I should get on with my life. <P>But, I love him and know that when we are together we are good. I just don't know how to cope with our particular problem when I don't see a change in the living situation coming any time soon.<P>Thanks for your help

Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><B>ABOUT YOUR POST</B>: This may sound harsh, don't mean it to:<B> DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR FAMILY</B> WHO TELL YOU TO MOVE ON UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO MOVE ON... I suspect you don't, or you wouldn't be here.<P>This is a place of miracles, honestly. Read about Plan A and begin it!!<P>~Sheryl<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited July 08, 2001).]

I thought I had read all this, and how does one go about Plan A when my wayward spouse isn't living with me? Hard to believe him (and he says he is having no contact) when he is 4 hours away. That is my problem -- the trust is gone and I don't know how to turn it on with us living in seperate cities.<P>Yes, I don't want to give up -- and that is why I am here. Just looking for help.

Is there any way you could move closer to him? I know you love your job but that is a big distance to deal with. Or would he move back to you?<P>I am in plan A and my H lives with OW. I do get to see him sometimes when he drops over to our house. I send him letters though, that's one thing you can do.Phone calls would be another.I suppose you could mail him packages and gifts, as well.Make those days you spend with him memorable, in a good way.