i just wanted to know your take on kids on depression pills. i have 4 children, my 2 oldest children are in counsiling and one is getting ready to start and the other is just a baby. my 6yr o9ld is having a much harder time w this then the others. it's a long story to tell with everything that he is doing, wetting and booping his paints, angry outburts towards me, tried to hit me the other day, talking about runaway like his daddy, i don't love him, ect. his therapist said that he told her that he misses his daddy and wants him to come back home, that he misses him and that he is also scared to tell him things, afraid of getting him angry. she told me that he is going down hill with h comimg in an out of his life and suggest he not see him at all and wants to put him on paxil. i'm just concern and my son is not like that all the time, half the time and the other time he is always up on me, wants to sleep w me and i can't go in the bathroom w/o all of them following me. she said it will help with his separting anxity when it comes time for school. he is already not wanting to go. any feedback?

hb:<P>That would be up to your doctor. If it is needed, it is needed. Glad you are thinking of them, children's needs are so often ignored in the midst of an affair.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

i'm just so worried about them, i can't even understand the whole thing so i can image what they are going through. i have just heard alot of things with kids and meds, just wanted to be sure that i am doing the right thing. i know that if i tell h he will have a total ---- fit. thanks

hb:<P>Hey, if it is what the doctor prescribes, not much he can say, right?<P>My son is on medication for ADD, as am I: I think the medication helps with depression, too, as my youngest daughter is more moody and depressed than he is (although it lessens everyday).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

<BR>Be very careful about the message you send your child about the "reasons" for the medication. Personally, I work with children and I do not believe an antidepressant medication is good for them. Of course that's my opinion. I also work with children who are ADD and in that situation I say absolutely yes, why, because the medication is helping correct a chemical imbalance in the brain. The difference in these children's academic achievement is amazing. <P>Again, it's my opinion, but I would be very leery of anti-depressants for the reasons you listed in your post. Children are very resiliant, right now they need to know that you are going to be there for them. <P>Whatever your decision I hope all works well for you and your children.<P>K9

I would get a second, a third, and a fourth opinion before even considering putting a child on antidepressants. Find out how much research there is on the long term effects of antidepressants on children. If your son is suffering from situational depression, I think it is very very wrong to subject him to the known and unknown risks of powerful medication.<P>After a friend of mine's husband committed suicide, her child began having difficulty in first grade. The school wanted to put him on ritalin, because he had difficulty concentrating - duh. She refused and ended up taking him out of that school the next year, and by then he was doing much better.<P>Not everything can be fixed by drugs.

my son is also adhd, and is on meds for that, wouldn't the medications interact w/ eachother? he woke me up at 3 this morning, he was just sitting there, he's been up since,don't know what to do anymore. h doens't really want to know what is going on, when i do tell him something regarding kids he turns it on me. me and my son talke last week about how he was feeling and he told me that daddy didn't say anything to them, he just ranaway. which is true all of this has been left up to me. anyone have any suggestions? do you think the therapist was right about them not having any contact with h?

hrtbroken<P>RE: “he told me that daddy didn't say anything to them, he just ranaway.”<P>Kids are much more perceptive then we give the credit for. He gets it at a very fundamental level. Good for your son.<P>As for the medications, you might want to pick up the book “Healing ADD” by Dr. Amen. Dr. Amen’s web site is, <A HREF="http://www.brainplace.com." TARGET=_blank>www.brainplace.com.</A> It’s a fascinating site. The book is available through most of the major bookstore chains and Amazon.com. He had done a lot of work on ADD, depression and many other “emotional” problems. The book is fascinating in that he uses brain scans to help diagnose ADD, depression, bi-polar disorders, etc. They can actually be seen in the scans of brain activity. <P>Many times more then one medication is used to treat ADD. So there is experience in using these medications together.<P>Real depression is a chemical imbalance of the brain. I will not just go away on it’s own. Children suffer from depression just as adults do. I’ve seen what happens to children whose depression is not treated. They need help just like an adult does.<P>If the counselor is suggesting that you minimize your child’s exposure to his father then I’d take the advice. I don’t believe a counselor would say this lightly. Most realize that both parents are important to a child’s well being. So there must be extenuating circumstances for this suggestion to be made. You son may very well need a holiday from the roller coaster his father is on.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

thanks for all the replies, our children are the most important to us all. i want to make sure that i am doing the right thing. my friend suggested that i tell the kids that their dad is away on business and that would be easier for them to deal with. h will probably blow a fit, he blew up when i told him about the meds for adhd and everything relating to that, so this latest he will most likely blame me when in reality he brought this all on, he hasn't even spoke to the kids since last wednesday, no wonder my kids are having a hard time. again thanks for the replies, oh one more thing, my son was brought in to the thereapist today cause of his episode this morning and that he is saying that bugs are all over him, i don't know if this is an attention getter or what. i give them all my attention but i think he wants it to be just me and him, it's hard, then he also needs and wants that male figure which i can't supplied. but thanks again.<BR>darleen

Nellie is right -- get a boatload of opinions. <P>By the way, itching skin (or the feeling that things are crawling on you) can be a sign of ADHD as well. ADHD is so vast~~ did you know it can include seizures and tics? Do your research, and make an informed decision! <P>Depression can be "in there" too... and the drugs used to treat it (as with ADHD) can be severe.<P>Also, in my opinion, lying to your children is wrong. The delivery changes depending on the age of the child, but it's always the best course of action to be as truthful as possible.<P>

I would first follow the therapists advise about not allowing dad to pop in and out of your child's life whenever he pleases.That is very unfair and confusing to your child. Your child's need for stability should outweigh any need you have to continue interacting with your H in their presense. If you must see him do it away from your kids. That is something you can control and do to help your child achieve some sense of stability in his life. If things didn't get better after six months of stability then I would get second and third opinions before starting meds but obviously there is something you can do here to minimize the upheaval in your child's life without giving him medication. Do it!

I don't remember the details, but I do remember reading somewhere that the medications for ADHD and depression can have negative interactions. <P>I would have a complete neurological eval done before even considering adding any more drugs to his regimen. <P>And I agree - lying to your children is wrong.

<B>my friend suggested that i tell the kids that their dad is away on business and that would be easier for them to deal with.</B><BR>Unless he is away on business, DO NOT TELL THEM THAT!<P>You need to be honest with them. They are messed up enough because of what is going on, lying to them will only cause more problems when they find out you did lie to them.<P>I would not put them on any depression medication until they are at least 16. Please get a 2nd & 3rd opinion.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Nellie, Chris and I are all telling you the same thing... <P>I respectfully disagree with Chris on one thing -- about being 16 first -- that depends on the level of depression. My son tried to hang himself when he was eight (he'd been sexually abused by a family friend) and NEEDED the meds along with therapy.<P>Only a professional (or several, remember we all said to get many opinions) can determine the best course of action.

my son has also said he wanted to kill himself, took a knife out one time, then took shoe strings around his neck, and he is 6. they have not seen me and h together unless he was picking them up, for the last 4 months anyway. she was meaning the contact he has with them. not calling for days, he didn't call for 2 months one time, i just don't understand some people. he always put me an the kids first and we were all he ever talked about.i just don't understand it all. i'm trying everything i know how and it doesn't seem to help. he is up right now, won't leave my side. i'm afraid i will have a breakdown with all of this and my health hasn't been good. had heart surgery in march which took a toll on the kids. they think that i will leave them too. so much to handle and cope with. thanks again

Oh! You have so much on your plate right now, don't you? I'm so sorry for your pain!!<P>Is there anyone who can help you? I mean with housework, cooking, anything like that? <P>Also, a mental-health professional, or even a pediatrician can question your son to see if he is in danger of hurting himself (which **may** mean a trip to the mental health ward, which is so scary, but necessary, because you **can't** be there every second)... <P>I am so, so sorry to hear of your pain...

no i really have no one to help me. we loss our home cause of all of this and the house we were staying in, i got sick and went into the hospital and got evicted, h wasn't paying cs and really never does, which happen backed in march. me and the 4 kids are living with a friend in a one bedroom, talk about alot of bad luck. i can't seem to get out of it, something always happens. i'm suppose to watch stress, i'm still on blood thinners so that i won't have another stroke, but that is all i have is stess. hard to deal with all of this, and i am only 31. i'm just tired. thanks again

I don't know if you are spiritual at all, and hopefully I won't add another painful incident for you: but I have just prayed for you -- for your health, for your son, for your housing situation and for your H to come out of the fog and be the man he was meant to be.<P>May God richly bless you and keep you!!

thank you very much, i try to believe but sometimes with all the stuff that is going it's hard. i do know that there is a lesson i'm suppose to learn, but when i think i master it i'm pushed back down. i'm trying not to loose faith, but it is hard. like my son says, are we done having bad luck. i'm just ready for my kids to be kids again and feel happiness again. i want to see the light at the end of the tunnel and for it to stay. thank you again.

<B>about being 16 first</B><BR>That was just guesstimate/general rule.<P>There are times when it may be necessary (as in your case Sheryl), but if they need meds, they better be in therapy/counseling too (my opinion.)<P>The best thing you can do for them is to be a strong parental figure for them & show them all the love you can.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>