Hi All,<P>First off to say that I think this site is great. I've been having troubles with my marriage ... I came to the point where I was about to give up and pick up my address book to find someone in my past to have sex with. Just because I knew it would break the bond with my wife that I feel is so strong. While I had this train of thought I stubled across this site, and what I read changed my mind, even though I still wanted to give up.<P>I started writing my story, but it got too long. Basically my wife split up with me 6 months ago and went travelling around the world. She is now back and is seeing OM. She tells me she loves me, but can't go back to 'the way things were before'. She seems happy to be everything to me, but she can't be intimate with me. She cooks me dinner, she talks to me, but she still sees someone else. I told her that if she only wants to come back to me for the money that I will set her up in a house on her own, but that's not what she wants. I guess I offer her some security in some strange way. When I push have pushed her for a decision in the past, she just says 'you haven't changed, but I have'.<P>She tells me the OM just makes her happy ... makes her laugh without trying. She stays with me most of the week, but visits him occasionally during the week. This used to drive me crazy, I felt so cheated and used.<P>She is seeing a counsellor, because all of this started when her grandmother died. My wife then got an internal infection which probably will make her effectively sterile. After both these things happened, she gave up on everything in her life. Even contemplated suicide.<P>I had reached a point where I had given up, but this site gave me the inspiration to keep on going. I tried putting Plan A into place. I stopped getting defensive and angry when she spoke about OM, and I tried to listen intently when we spoke to each other. Had I been failing to do this before? I think I have. When I became more open, and didn't get disgruntled at her going to see OM, she gave me a hug before she left one night!!! I couldn't beleive it! Since I put Plan A into place, I decided I could change my outlook. Rather than been grumpy when she was around, knowing she would phone OM, or go and see him, I was happy. I told myself this is someone who makes you happy, forget everything else and concentrate on the fact that she is here with you now. This worked and she seemed happy to be around me. The tough thing is, it feels like i'm starting from scratch each time she goes to see the OM. It's almost like she feels guilty about being away and withdraws from me when she returns. I also tried to be happy when she was away with OM, when she phoned I was happy ... I make the most of the time I have apart from her, rather than in the past being short and non-interested in her conversation, when she phones whilst with OM.<P>I asked my wife if she wanted to divorce, and she said only if you do? (This was before Plan A was in place) Sometimes I create my own problems asking questions like this. I just get so frustrated though, it feels like she's sending me mixed signals and it confuses me like mad. Why did she come home to me? Why does she cook for me, when I can and have been cooking for myself? Why does she tell me she'll make up for all the money of mine she's spent in the past? Why? Why? Why?<P>I ask for your prayers, and advice. I am a God fearing man, and I try to carry Christs name with pride. I'm only 24 and easily swayed, but I try to pray regularly and set a good example to those around me. I love my wife so much, and I am a faithful husband. I only wish she could see what it means to have someone this faithful. It takes a lot to choose this path, the other route is so much easier!!!!<P>Plec.

<BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><B>ABOUT YOUR POST</B>: Your situation is not hopeless... read about Plan A and live it, breathe it!!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

ple....<P>Welcome. I can certainly identify with your situation as my W still depends on me for certain things, but refuses to end her A. I'm moving out in a short while but am still going to try to Plan A, then Plan B if necessary.<P>Do read as much as you can on the site as it really is good stuff. If you can pick up a copy of Surviving an Affair, I think you'd appreciate it as well.<P>All of this stuff... Plan A, Plan B, Love Busters, Emotional Needs... it sometimes sounds like a big hokey system that someone's tried to invent and market. I'm the world's biggest skeptic when it comes to stuff like this... I have so many times turned a judgemental eye towards books like the Harleys' and stuff like Peck's The Road Less Traveled.<P>But I can tell you... it's information that you know already to be true inside. They've just repackaged it and laid it out for you to make sense with. It's sort of like the diet/exercise books and videos... Every year, someone comes out with a new "breakthrough" concept or method. No, it's not. I'm following a "new" regimen now, and you know what it boils down to? Eat well and exercise. You already know this stuff. Sometimes it just takes a fresh perspective.<P>You've got a lot to work with, believe it or not. Plan A and Plan B can help you TREMENDOUSLY. I don't mean help just your situation with your W, I mean also help YOU.<P>I like blending the ideas of Plan A and B with Eastern zen ideals... You just sort of have to accept it all, rise above it, and you will be enlightened. Be prepared to come back down though. Every day for me is a challenge to remember my plan and purpose, and to get back up there.<P>Take a look at Redon's perspective on Plan A... it's really inspiring. Here it is:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010345.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010345.html</A> <P>Stick around and ask questions... We can help ya do it...<P>Take care,<BR>zen

zen,<P>Thanks for your words of advice, I really appreciate it!<P>Plec.