Okay, this will probably be really long-winded. Also, the things I write will mostly be my feelings and what I think, not necessarily facts.<P>This is the reply my H sent when I told him I'd agree to meet him, but if his intention was to cause me more pain or hurt me then to cancel.<P>______________<P>No, I don't want to go over there to hurt you or to fight. We just need to talk about some things. <P>I wanted to take the kids out to friendlies, then I don't know where else. I will have to have them back by 5:00, because I have plans for Saturday night. <P>I will be very dirty and smelly by the time I get to your house, don't mind it. I would have worked for 27 hours straight by that time.<BR>---------------<P>I feel like such a fu**ing fool. All of a sudden now his "important" and "urgent" talk is "we need to talk about some things". And fu**ing Saturday night is our 10-year anniversary of our first date. It may sound stupid, but we celebrate it every year. And he's going to fuc*ing go out with OW, the fu**ing bit**. (I don't really know what he's doing, but one would ASSUME that was it).<P>He fu**ing won, again. I'm such a moron. I hate these dam* games. I hate them so much. My H doesn't respect me AT ALL. He shows me no respect and just keeps twisting that knife. <P>I feel like I have no power, no control over my life. Everything I do is wrong. I try so hard, but I fu** up everytime.<P>I hate my life. I hate being a single mom raising 3 kids. I hate that my house is filthy again after the kids ravaged it this weekend. I hate that I can't do anything right. I hate that my fu**ing husband is in love with some fu**ing bit** that I absolutely hate and want to put in the hospital.<P>Tonight, I tried to do nice stuff with the kids and I had NO fun. All they did was aggravate me. I managed not to yell and to be nice, but I just wanted to scream. I did good, but why the he** does my H have to put me through this?????<P>I don't understand why he wants to cause me so much pain and anguish. What does he gain out of it? He knows what I want, he knows how I feel, he knows how to hurt me and how to push my buttons. AND he just keeps doing it, over and over again. Why??? Does he really hate me that much? Why does he want to see me SO bad? What the he** is so important? <P>UGH! I feel so much anger and so much sadness right now. I feel so low, so used, so taken advantage of. My H has no regard for me, he's only thinking of himself. Him, him,him. I hate it. Why the he** do I even want him back? Why should I bother? He causes me so much heartache and sleepless nights.<P>There's nothing I can do. Nothing. I am powerless.<P>Thanks everyone for your help in my other thread. I tried to post a reply but my PC crashed. It meant alot. I will re-read it tomorrow before we meet.<P>I know, I follow up one mistake with another, but I must do it. I prayed the other night for God to help me and although I can't really explain it in detail right now, I believe it is God's will for us to meet tomorrow. As much as it may hurt me, I do believe this. Too many coincidences/weird things.<P>Thanks again all my friends for your support. Keep praying for me. LOL.<BR>HbH

Girl...<P>Take control. It is a woman's perogative to change her mind. Change your mind. It just takes a decision...<P>I'm with you on the single mom with 3 kids thing...IT SUCKS ROCKS!<P>My house is also a pig stye...the health inspectors wouldn't condemn it, but House Beautiful it is not!<P>I am so glad you vented here...put kiddies to bed...draw a hot or cool bath...whichever helps you, light a bunch of candles and RELAX. <P>Think...then if you want to change your mind DO IT. You email him that YOU WILL NOT SEE HIM UNLESS HE IS SERIOUS ABOUT YOU AND FAMILY AND WANTS TO COMMIT TO YOU. Otherwise, there is no point in meeting to talk about stuff.<P>DON'T YOU DARE LET HIM PUSH YOUR BUTTONS. You have the power to 'change your tapes!'<P>Come'on girl, have strength...we're here for you...if I could come over and help I would . Do you have anyone you can call? ASK FOR HELP if you do...I HATE asking for help, but that is one thing this experience has taught me...to reach out. <P>Hugs and Prayers,<P>Cali

I am sorry Hurt By Hubby. I support you in your gut feeling to go see him tomorrow. Maybe it will open some doors for you. <P>Maybe he needs to feel heard. I don't know. Anyway, I will be praying for you. I hope you are able to have some much needed fun soon! You deserve it.

I agree with Cali. Take that bath, light those candles<P>and if tomorrow you don't want to meet with him then don't do it.<P>You say you feel you "need" to meet with him but in the same breath you are saying the opposite. You also "know" you will walk away from the meeting even more unhappy.<P>I give you the power-to do whatever you want to do-whatever you feel you "need" to do! But I take away the power to do what your H "wants" you to do <P>Hang in there-and be glad you have those precious little monsters As much trouble as kids can be at times what in the world would we do without them?<P>Hugs and hope<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."<p>[This message has been edited by heartache (edited July 08, 2001).]

HBH...aren't you supposed to be in Plan B? Plan B means no contact. Have you canceled tomorrow's appt with him, or are you going to still meet with him.<P>You can have control over the situation by not letting him manipulate you. That is why Plan B means No Contact unless he is willing to end his affair & work towards marital recovery.<P>In Plan B, he won't have any influence on you, he can't confuse you any longer because there will be no contact. You can just move forward and begin healing, regardless if he comes back to you or not.<P>Please take care of yourself. If you are in Plan B, regardless of how difficult it is, you must stay in it, or you could possibly lose yourself in all of this, and also lose the remaining love that you have for your spouse.<P>Plan B is for you so that you can move forward and heal.

HbyH..<P>I gotta agree...cancel the meeting if youre not ready for it. If you agree to go through with it, you must be prepared for what you are going to hear, and have a Plan HbH of your own! Have a response and by all means, take control!!<P>Take that bath...light those candles!! We will be here for you!!<P>Trueheart

HbH,<P>Sorry for his poor response and you are suppose to take him as is dirty and all? Very disrespectful indeed. <P>Ok, my H would probably call this an LB but now you know your H's agenda, reply with you answers on the e-mail. "If this is all yyou wnat to talk about, here is the answer......" <P>Then there is no reason for the meeting right? Cancel if you want and can. Give him his answers. Let him find another place to take a bath. Working 27 hours straight, well that would have my sympathy. For any person. No different. <P>Oh my dear, he is hurting you and deliberately at that. Does he know or care or is he capable of caring? Probably not. So don't take it too personally, remember the moose worm brain thing. Aliens taking over their minds. <P>You have the right to be upset, but being upset with an illogical person is a waste of time. Now as for your children. You will need to vent here so you will not feel it when you are with your children. <P>I know the feeling, I get a bit snippy with mine when he whines. As far as the house cleaning thing. Remember a house is a home. A home is where the heart is. <P>What do they put on those sticky notes: A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind? Well my house and desk show I am very healthy <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

HbH,<P>Go ahead and get angry, real angry. Then focus that anger into the emotional energy that will allow you to not fall into his traps again.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare