Help! H after 17.5 yrs of marriage and two children left 7 months ago and moved in with girlfriend. I have not spoke to him in weeks. He will not talk to me and is angry at me. He never sees his children ages 12 and 15. Says he loves ow and not me. Wants a divorce. H will not help with any of bills or child support. We have house payments and etc. I'm new to this site and need some advice. I don't know what he is doing. He cahanged his e-mail and will not return my phone calls. He is so mean and has really changed. Had affair with the ow for a year. We talked about divorce before but never did anything about it. I've looked at myself and what I did to cause our problems. I'm working on myself and helping my children. What to do??????

gabby2<P>We are here to help you. I know the pain you're in. My H left to live with his OW 4.5 months ago and is still gone also.<P>Are you in plan A? Have you read about plan A and B? You need to decide a course of action for yourself.Do you have an address that you can contact him at?

Maezy----- Yes, I have his address. I don't want to go over ther because that is ticke him off. He wants out and does not care who he hurts. He blames everything on me. He feels the children will fine and wants them to spend time with ow because he loves her...

Sorry about spelling. I really know how to spell I just have a hard time typing fast. Does your H feel bad about what he has done? Do you have children? Help! Will H ever come home?

gabby2<BR>Are you in plan A? No, I don't recommend you go there but maybe you could send him a "thinking of you" kind of card??<BR>Something that says you're understanding and there for him if he needs you? Would this feel right?

I have sent him many cards. He changed his e-mail so now I can't send him anything. If I send it to his house I'm afraid ow will get it first. She does not like and trashes me all the time.

No my H does not seem to feel bad about what he has done but they rarely do, as long as they are involved with the OW because they are so deep in the fog. I can't promise you that your WH will come home but I do know that these affairs rarely last long term. <P>We have 3 children. Our youngest is 20.<P>Work on plan A and don't do any love-busting to create some good thoughts for you WH about you.

What do your children think about the situation? How do they deal with this? How do they about their dad?

gabby<P>Another thing that I will remind you, as I always need to remind myself, WORK ON YOURSELF.<P>I have lost 35 lbs. since my H left. I have a new part-time job, I'm exercising and looking at going back to school.<BR>Are you able to do things for yourself?

Gabby,<P>On this web site we usually advise a new comer to read all of the material on the web site and the books “Surviving An Affair” and “His Needs, Her Needs”. This will give you a road map of how to recover your marriage. <P>One of the first things a person does is what we call Plan A. This is usually done while the wayward spouse (WS) is living at home. If Plan A does not work then they go on to Plan B. (Search this web site for the material on Plan A and Plan B)<P>I almost think that at this point you might want to consider going to Plan B. Basically there is no contact with your spouse during this time. In addition, your H has some financial responsibility that he is not living up to. I am not an expert on this but my gut feeling is that you can Plan B and file for either a separation or divorce so that you can get some custodial income arrangement and some child support in place. The child support is really your children’s money. Your husband has a responsibility to help raise your children and the state will enforce that. I believe that you can do this if in your Plan B letter you explain that you are filing for separation/divorce because you and the children are in need of financial and legal protection. But that if he wants to work on the marriage and agrees to end all contact with the other woman (OW) then he only need tell you and you will put the separation/divorce on hold. You may want to see an attorney to find out what your rights are in this.<P>Just my 2 cents.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Gabby, <P>This post is going to sound a bit wayward, but I think you have two issues here. On one hand, you need to do the rules of engagement as specified in the reading of the Harleys as far as Surviving an Affair, Plan A and Plan B, but the second part of the equation, is more along the lines of survival. It may cross the bounds of LBing(LoveBusting), but if he has moved out and you need help with bills and child support, please consult a lawyer versed in family law, and get help immediately! You can get an order for emergency support from the court inside of 24 hours that will force him to help financially while you two sort out this mess. He may say he wants to end things, but I have a feeling the anger is coming from OW keeping him in the fog and directing him right now. The Plan A and Plan B rules will help you with the marriage part of things, but in the meantime, you need and deserve the protection of making him live up to his responsibilities. <P>I hope this makes sense and doesn't cut you off from applying the MB principles. I am not telling to LB, but to protect yourself while you attempt to do put into practice what you learn here.<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart

My D is supporting me in my plan A. She is trying to be as nice as ever to her dad. I have taken the time to explain to her that he is in a crisis situation and needs our love right now.<P>My oldest S took off to another part of the country very soon after he found out and has only spoken to H 2 times by phone since.<P>My youngest son is out of the country serving as a missionary. He doesn't know about it yet and I'm hoping things will be better before he's back.<P>

Thanks. I have read entire site on MB. I have also started to fill out divorce papers. I can't get any help until I file. H said he filed two ago. I have'nt been served. He is really in the fog.....

gabby<BR>I wouldn't file for D yet but some kind of separation agreement may be necessary for you financially.

Why? I can't get any help until someone files/ I went to court and that is what they told me. He is getting away with murder. He is making money and spending it on her and with her. Why? When do they see the light?

I just thought that you could get financial support through a separation agreement but I guess this is not the case.<P>Do what you need to do but be sure you know this is your last resort! We at MB's are trying to preserve marriages.<P>