This is such a great site. I've learned so much. I'm sorry for all the pain all of you are dealing with daily. My children ages 12 and 15 are really hurt by what there father has done. I don't want to bash him and tell them that he loves them very much and is just going through a phase. What else can I tell them. Dad lives with girlfriend and rarely sees them. We are still married.

gabby2,<P>I think that what you have said is about all you can say. Answer any questions they have directly but in a manner consistent with their age. You may want to get them into counseling for a divorce support group for kids. This helps a lot.<P>My stepchildren's (D-11 and S-13) mother walked out on them about 4 years ago when she left them and their father for the OM. They are still hurting over this. We had a long talk a couple of months ago. They thought that their mother left because they had been so "bad". I explained them that it had nothing to do with them. I had to do with their mother. Told them that their mother was seeking something but she did not know what it was. It's like when a person is hungry for something but they don't know what it is. So they start eating everything in sight. The different is that their mother’s hunger was felt in her heart and in her soul. She needed something, was not happy, but has not been able to find the right thing to “fill her up”. This helped them see that it was not their fault and to help them understand her a little more. They now know that she loves them in her own way. It may not be the way they want, but it is all she is capable of. <P><BR>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Gabby, <P>Ditto what Zor said. All you can do everyday is tell them how much you both love them, and that none of this is their fault. Somehow you have to hope he sees how important his kids are, and if nothing else, keeps in contact with them and reassures them of the same thing! You are doing the right thing by not Dad-bashing. They would only end up resenting you for that. Keep the faith!!<P>Trueheart

Thanks! I've told them that their dad loves them very much. I have also told them that their dad will come to his senses and come around soon.