OK....My wife had an affair "fling" as the councilor calls it; it lasted for a month. We both work in the same hospital as the OM. She does not work with him everyday, but has to attend meetings with him and occasionally will have to talk to him. There is the chance she will have to do research with him and even go out of town for meetings. Of course she says it is over, but I think he still makes passes at her. I find it hard to accept them even bieng in the same room. She does not want to be transferred out of his department because she does not want to confront her boss. Is it acceptable to ask her not to work with him?? It is a good job, but it is hard. Can I heal thinking he still looks at her..There have already been too many lies. Can I believe her when she says she is not interested in him anymore?

toto,<BR>It is very hard if the ws and op are in regular contact. There have been a few here that have continued to work with the op and have been successful in rebuilding their marriages.<P>I am not one of them. My x was/is a nurse and om was a respiratory therapist. She worked afternoons and he worked nights at our small local hospital. I guess they spent alot of down time together and the affair grew from that. She would come home and call him at work late at night while I was sleeping.<P>I asked her to quit job too and she wouldn't. I'm no longer sure she ever stopped seeing him during our various reconciliation attempts.<P>I really believe in the no contact rule, the ws truly has to be interested in making the marriage work to be able to see the op in my opinion.

I would say from everything I know that it will eventually lead to problems. There is no way I would want my wife to do this if she had an affair with this guy. She should move on to other work now, she owes it to you so you can regain her trust. Otherwise you will wonder each day about her. What a marriage to have.

I wrote this on another thread, and it sure fits here too:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I've told this story before... but it always bears repeating on these types of threads...<P>I worked with the OM. I ended the affair. I worked with him for 18 months after the affair was over. I filed for divorce (my then-H and I could not get things right). I met someone<BR>else. I quit my job and moved to be with my new H.<P>Here's what the OM said to me on the day I left: "I love you, I always loved you, I will always love you."<P>Nice, eh? <P>My then-H said he wanted me to continue working because we needed the money. In this case, I should have NOT done what he said, and I should have quit. It's like pouring<BR>salt into a wound every day that you go to work. Or in your case, it's salt in your wound when your W goes to work.<P>The affair cannot end properly (see how I had tried, and how the OM never stopped "loving" me)... and I'll let you in on a little secret: I liked hearing him say those words. How screwed up is that?<P>Now, nearly a year later, I look back at that whole time I was there, and realize what a STUPID, STUPID mistake it was to try and stay there to work... <P>I hope you can convince your wife to quit.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It sure fits your situation as well, doesn't it???<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Thank You, deep down I believe what everyone is saying. I am trying to see it from her point of view. I do not want her to quit, but she can ask to be moved. Eventhough she says she has no feelings for him, I can not continue knowing that he might give her a suggestive look, or compliment her. I have a hard enough time working here and seeing him in the hall. How do I express my concerns without making demands, and having her resent me more?