This is the last week I'll be home with my W and stepdaughter before we separate.<P>The "ticking clock" is making it really hard for me to concentrate on Plan A'ing my best.<P>I have an appointment with Steve on Thursday morning, so maybe he can make any last-minute adjustments that are necessary...<P>It's so difficult to Plan A when the WS is in the fog, going back and forth, etc. I e-mailed her a web site to look at just for fun. She didn't e-mail back.<P>I called her to say hi and make supper plans. I was met with things like "Don't pressure me" and "I'm really not well right now" (emotionally). I said "No pressure" as cheerfully as I could, then we hung up. I mean, I wasn't asking for a date here. I was trying to figure out how we were going to have dinner tonight... I guess it won't be together. I'm going to pick up carryout from the place I suggested and we'll wait until 7:30. Give her the option...<P>I sense problems with OM, guilt, some torn feelings, LOTS of frustration with my very existence. How do you fix the latter? Wait it out, I think...<P>Gotta transcend the situation... Gotta somehow let her feel I love her without the burden that seems to carry...<P>The fog... I despise it.<P>Hope everyone's Plans are going well,<BR>zen

Hi zen<P>Your wife knows that you love her. You really need to give her the space that she requires. I think you should stop pursuing her. The more you pursue, the faster she will run and all the time trying how to figure out how to get away from you. She has asked you not to pressure her. Please try to respect her wishes and give her what she is asking.<P>I really know that it isn't easy, but, it is necessary if you want to maintain your friendship at this time.

OK, doing it.<P>We talked a bit when she came home and says she is going through hell. I said I loved her unconditionally right now, but that I was in no way endorsing the A or condoning it. I managed to say that it was hurting me that the A was continuing, without it being a LB. Then I said she could always talk to me, no matter what. She said she knew all of this.<P>She said it was going to kill our step-daughter for us to separate but that it was something she had to do.<P>She said she had no idea how she was going to survive financially on her own but she had to do it and go through it.<P>I said I would still be there for her during the sep (alarms started going off in my head) and I said I would not turn my back on her if she needed help financially. (She has taken on most of the debts by choice.)<P>She said she was going to rely on me to help with her daughter (my step-daughter), to take care of her and continue to nurture her and be there for her.<P>Am I getting used? If it's in a Plan A way, then, good. But am I just literally getting used? Will I be babysitting for her after we separate so that she can go spend time with the OM?<P>Confused. Think I may leave it like this rather than try to talk more tonight... Might be seen as major LB...<P>Thanks so much,<BR>zen

Zen, <BR>Dont worry if you are getting used for the moment.<BR>Think if you want to spend time with step-D in the first place. If you do, then nobody is getting used.

Exactly, Humper.<P>Thanks for that.<P>I will never not be there for that sweet girl.<P>-zen