My wife (BS) and I have been speaking on the phone a lot the past few nights. Her mood swings are so off the board, I never know just exactly what to expect each time we talk. Sometimes she misses the old days and is sad, some days she is so full of piss and vinegar. <BR>Last night we got into a discussion, she started getting irate about. I calmly tried to keep from LB'ing. Then she started going off about how she never did anything wrong in our marriage. That she was always giving, never taking. I simply said, "it takes two people, and though I am not condoning what I did, we both have a lot of work to do". She then wanted me to tell her just what she didn't provide for me. So I told her a few things. She blurted out that I am helping her make her decision very easy for her, Divorce.<BR>Am I love busting when she asks me those quesions, or is she so angry still, that nothing I say can do any good?<BR>Someone please help me with this confusion!!<BR>

I understand the confusion. And, I can guarantee that there will be a lot more to come.<P>When I was seperated from my H, I had to stop discussing OR with him. It ALWAYS lead to an arguement. I had to more or less stop thinking of him as my H and start thinking of him as an aquantance, only. It helped. I think that it kind of brought us back to square one of a new relationship.

I can tell you it is pretty hard on the BS what the WS did. It takes a lot to get over something like that. Your wife is acting pretty normal under the circumstances. I think you should put up with it and not have any blame on her. It doesn't always take two. Many people just have affairs and then they try to find some excuses in the relationship to jsutify the affair. My wife told me everything was my fault and she did nothing wrong. But everyone is imperfect yet not all people have affairs when they are angry at their partner. So I would avoid blaming your wife for anything because it doesn't help. Why do you think she gets angry with your words? You have to watch very carefully what you say.

I hear ya on the mood swings. Comes with the territory.<P>I've personally tried to avoid bringing up stuff from the past that I felt was a problem. I'm limiting it to reminding how the continuing A hurts me, and that I want it to end, but in a non-LB'ing way...<P>Plan A is such a delicate balance between doormat and independent. It really is sort of like wooing someone... you want to impress them with yourself and offer to do things for them, but you don't want to appear weak or undesirable.<P>In short, it's hard.<P>-zen

There is definately a fine line between being pathetic and penitant.<BR>Sometimes I don't even know how to talk to her. I have so radically changed my way of thinking that nothing that comes out of my mouth that sounds much like me. She says I sound like a script. All I can seem to talk about is what God has done for me and how I believe he can change things around in our marriage for the better. I don't really think that is what she wants to hear though. This beginning phase is most painful. She says things that I know she is saying to discourage me from trying, but I wonder why she does this. Is she testing me? Does she just want to see how bad I really want it?<BR>

That is exactly what she is doing. I haven't read your story other than this post, but I reacted very similar to her when my H was remorseful. He left the marriage bed so easily that even as much as it would hurt I wanted to know how much he would take before doing it again. Kindof like self-preservation. Or like 'how comitted are you?','do you really mean it this time?'.

I am so very committed that I am willing to do anything! I know how I have hurt her, I just want to show her how things have changed for me. I love her with all of my heart, I know things can work, but convincing her or even trying is something that just isn't in the books right now. Everything I say is interpreted the wrong way...She continually talks as if divorce is the only answer, I can't figure out whether she's just trying to push and see how much I will take or if right now this is truly her only answer. No matter what, I am going to stick with her, even if she divorces me, but I am hoping that she sees that is not the only option. This is a severe anger phase that she's going through I know, I wonder how long it lasts or if she ever gets out of it.<BR>