H who lives with girlfriend for 7 months is treating me like ______! Why! He will not talk to me and rarely sees his kids. OW is the greatest and he loves her I need to get on with my life. When do they come out of fog? I've been in plan B NO CONTACT. What else can I do???

Forgive me for not knowing your story, but one thing JUMPS out at me:<P>If you are in Plan B, he **would not** be talking to you. That is part of Plan B -- which YOU initiated. Is that so?<P>If it is so, why did you move to Plan B? How long did you try Plan A?<P>I am so sorry for your pain... and I'd love to try to help you sort this out...

I tried plan A for about 1 month. I was really nice and sent cards and letters. He will have nothing to do with me. He doesn't know the plans. I doing this by myself. I have not spoken to him in 3 weeks. He changed his e-mail so I no longer have contact that way. He will not help with the bills and just is in his own world with ow. I just don't know what to do? I must be a fool to even want him back.

I need help to understand what is H thinking. Why is he so mean to me. What have I done so bad?

You are not a fool to want him back.<P>Listen, this is not something you can do by yourself without really living and breathing the concepts. You need some help... so... first off, please read this welcome letter...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Pay strict attention to the Plan A and Plan B areas... and look at the counsel link too!<P>Your H doesn't know anything about the concepts... that's okay! In fact, it's almost better if he doesn't... sometimes spouses feel manipulated by Plan A. You were not in Plan A long enough, in my opinion.<P>You need to begin again, and you need a PLAN!!<P>Spend this evening reading the links above, the red words with the underlining... <P>I am very sorry he isn't supporting you, and is in a great big fog with his OW. I know it's so painful... <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited July 09, 2001).]

I need a lot of help. When do they see the light? Plan A and B are great but both people need to be willing to work on the marriage. H does not want to work on marriage at all. Do I give up? What do I do?

I agree that both people will need to work on the marriage to keep it good once the true rebuilding begins... but you can work alone (and many have) on Plan A. Heck, even on Plan B, you are alone. That's the thing... no contact with the WS.<P>Yes, you need help... and here's how to get it. READ ALL THOSE CONCEPTS, but especially about Plan A. Keep posting and asking questions. I bet you can't afford the counseling right now (since he isn't paying you)... and that's okay... we (on this site) can help you. But first, you must do some work. You must read and begin to LIVE the concepts.<P>Do you two have children?

Yes, I two. S is 15 and D is 12. I've lost 30 lbs and can't even think some days. My kids are great. I just don't see the point in life sometimes..

You're children need you, right?<P>Even if your marriage does not work out (and I'm hoping that you can work it out) your children need their mother.<P>The weight loss -- we call it the "Infidelity Diet" around here. All too common...<P>Tonight you can be sad... but in the morning, I want you to READ everything I've given you and begin to think about a Plan... it will keep you busy, and hopefully give you a kind of hope and peace... will you do that?

Thanks. I read all the time. I'm a teacher so I have the summer off. THank God for that. I know my children need me. I have good days and bad days. I was thin to begin with so know I look like hell. Does ws ever realize what they have done? When?

You may never get the answers to your questions... because of course, yes, sometimes the WS does understand... and sometimes, they never do. <P>There are stories on this site of marriages that have been restored, and unfortunately stories of marriages (including my past marriage) where marriages were not restored. Some have worked the concepts, gotten the counseling, and prayed their hearts out for two years...<P>I will say, once more (a little tiny bit of tough love for you) that you need a PLAN. Quit focusing on the questions, and just begin to work on your marriage, okay??<P>A few questions: <P>He moved out seven months ago, and you did Plan A beginning in month five of his being gone? <P>Has he filed for divorce?<P>Has he seen the children?<BR>

Gabby,<P>Nyneve is giving you very good guidance here. I know it hurts terribly but there is a way out of the pain. No one can tell you when your H’s fog is going to lift. But there are definite things you can do to improve yourself and to build your strength. It is a win/win situation. If and when your husband does return to you, you will be prepared with the knowledge and tools to repair your marriage. And if he does not return you will be a better person, well beyond this pain and ready to move on to your new life. It puts you back in control of your life.<P>So will you do what Nyneve has suggested? Then we can all help you though this.<P>By the way, it sounds like you may be very depressed. You may also want to make an appointment with you doctor to be evaluated for depression. <P>{{{{{{hug}}}}}}<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Thanks for advice. Yes, I have seen a Dr. I know that I'm depressed. I will read again the plans. I thought I understood them. I guess I don't. H said he filed two weeks ago. I have not been served. He saw the children three weeks ago. He took them to the lake. He has very little contact with them. He was a wonderful father. He has changed so much I don't even know him. The kids don't understand his behavior either.