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How do you get your WS back into bed with you. I mean that literally. My WS has come home and we are at a comfort level. We do not talk about the A and haven't for a couple of months. Counseling is out of the question ( she won't go). She seems to be trying to return to the marriage and I don't believe any contact is occurring, but she still does not sleep in the same bed as me. Last weekend was nice. We went to her brothers for a family get together and that evening I gave her a massage. But what I don't know how to do is get her back to sleeping with me, both literally and figuratively, I believe part of the problem is an aversion to my actions, which I understand and am working on to correct. any suggestions?<P>------------------<BR>Mark H
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Does she know you would like her back in the same room as you? When is the last time you told her? Has it been in a way that would make her realize that you do not want her there for sex? (if she thinks that is what you want, that may be keeping her away... even if that is one of your motives).<P>If she is ready to fulfil some of your EN's, then tell her that that is something that would deposit HUGE bundles of love units into your love bank... but don't insist on sex as being part of it. Do I assume that those are some of the actions she is averting from?<P>Karen<BR>
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The last time I told her was about two weeks ago. I said I would like to hold you in my arms while you fall asleep.<BR>It has only been since the beginning of April since things have started to turn around. Is it too soon to expect anything more ? Your assumption is probably correct. I did make her feel like she was disappointing me when she wasn't in the mood. I didn't mean it that way, but I now see how she felt that way. The massage was only to relax her and I did not intend it to lead anywhere else.
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Joined: Jun 2001
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Mark,<BR> I know im my situation my H (ws) and i we intimate the night of D day, I needed it to be that way. That night he held me and we talked for hours, I cried he held me, i shaked fromthe pain, he held me. WE did not have sex. The next day he told me he wanted to, but he was waiting for me to make the first move. He was scared that i would take it the wrong way and a few other things. Has she told you WHY she does not want to sleep in the same room? For me , I had to sort of PROVE that i could still excite him, It sounds really silly, but it helped us and me to KNOW that that part of us, still worked, it would have scared me to death if i did not!! <BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"
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Mark H,<P>Where is SF on your W's list of EN's. Where is Affection? As a wife whose H's top need is SF, it was easy to get him in bed with me. All it took was the right lingiere(SP?) ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif) . But women are different. As Harley says in HN/HN if a woman's affection needs are met, it will lead to wanting sex. Be affectionate and romantic. Women love romance. The massage was a good start. How about dinner out, or a weekend away. Remember when you were dating. Just take it slow and keep at it. <P>Good Luck, R3<P>
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I know there is no set timetable for this kind of thing, but I just want to know if I am approaching this in the right manner. We have gone out to dinner, but her work schedule has been pretty hectic so in lieu of going out , we have ordered in on Saturdays. When she came home from work one Saturday a couple of weeks ago, I had a candlelit bath and a glass of wine waiting for her. She seemed to enjoy it. I do not know where it is on her EN's, because we haven't progressed to that yet, but I suspect it's not that high ( although if that's the case why did she have the PA ? Maybe it's just not that high when it comes with me. Just venting.) I am at a loss for where to go from here and if I am just wasting both of our time. I just want some idea if she is recommitting to our marriage.
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Mark H,<P>I don't think the reason your W had an A was for the sex. It had to be for emotional reasons. So don't beat yourself up about the Sexual Fullfillment aspect.<P>Just keep on being romantic. Who knows how long it will take. I know it is hard to keep on with Plan A, I am there myself. But stick to it. Be strong.<P>R3
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