i seem to have offended a few people in the recovery board and i have decided that i do not belong in here. I was told that i need to have more time to have an opinion and i think that is wrong. I made amends withthe one i offended and thought all was good, but i guess it was not enough. I have so many really harsh things to b deal wiht in my real life, feeling like i am not worthy in here is to much for me to handle. So i am off the boards, you all didnot pay that much attention to me anyway. I wish you all the best in your marriages, and i am sorry. My H is far away and now i have to leave the only sanity i had.<BR> Jo i will email you andlet you know whats going on. I am just so sad right now i dont know what to do.<BR> stl, stay strong with Z and thanks for your support<BR> Wat keep beaming them all to the mother ship!<BR> and the few others take care. Bye <BR>Maine

Well, my theory is that you can't please everyone all the time. If you offended a few people than so be it. You made your ammends, right. Don't start feeling down on yourself, it is the worst possible thing to do. Stay here and let people have a chance to say things that might help. Don't give up, ever!!

mainemade,<P>You are misinterpreting what was posted on your thread to K. It was meant in good humor and in good spirit and I hope that you reconsider your choice. You were not told you have to have more experience here to post, but it was suggested that with experience here you would see some things differently.<P>I apologize if you felt I was on your case. I was not then nor is it now my intention to offend you or make you feel that you are not welcome here. You most certainly are.<P>So please reconsider and come post here.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

maine:<P>I thought we had straightened everything out. By no means should you leave if you find this site helpful and supportive. I truly don't think that there was any intention to gang up on you---so I hope you'll stay. If you need a break---perhaps come back and visit in a bit.<P>God bless you. You're in a tough stage of recovery right now, and I feel for your fight.

I have not read whatever happened on the recovery board, nor do I intend to... it's irrelevant. I am sorry that you have been hurt by some posts on MB.<P>Please do not leave entirely. Although it is a fairly tight knit support group, it is so in the fact that we have all experienced the same painful events in our marriages (at whatever end of the scale).<P>Personally, I have very much enjoyed reading your posts (you are after all, my fellow MB Duranie!! ). Take some time away if you need it. I can relate to this board causing more stress than good sometimes (and it tends to come out in my posts). But that's what this is all about. A safe place to vent. However, if you no longer feel safe, then I can understand your want to leave (but I still wish you'd stay).<P>Take care of yourself!<P>Karen<BR>

Wait a minute, Maine - You're not going anywhere. I'll just have you beamed back. Besides, being from up there with the mooses and skeeters make you our MBW expert - we need you. So keep yer britches on.<P>WAT

maine, hope you take this in the helpful spirit I intend (although it may not feel like it). You been straight with comments to me, so I will return the favor. Your post feels like posturing, woe is me, I am no good, pity party, etc. etc. If this carries on into other aspects of your life, it will cause you problems in yourself. It sounds like a victim mentality and that is not healthy. People respond to everything about us, and people who feel as you posted generate usually not good interactions. Personally it feels manipulative (and of course it is). If you really didn't want to post, you would just stop, not engage in woe is me, I am so sad, you didn't like me anyways (so I will take my toys and go home) stuff. Doesn't mean you aren't sad and unhappy, that is unfortuneate lot of most who attend this site. And it is appropriate and good that people support and hear each others angst. But this post is not about that, and may be revealing about how you conduct your life.<P>For the record, long before my current difficulties with my wife, one of our on-going dysfunctional behaviours is her feeling sorry for herself, and me trying to make it better. Heck she is so good at it, one of the reasons I married her was to make it all better. Of course it really is about controlling the people around you, and making em feel sorry for you is so much more acceptable than coercing them with anger (look at JL's post...) But the outcome is the same, eventually they come to resent you, and I do resent this in my wife. Think about it, and if the shoe fits, maybe this has been of some use. If not my apologies for being insensitive.

Maine please do not go. I know it is hard to just get through the day, You seem to always have a happy edge to you, so i hope you reconsider.<BR> To all of you but sad lonely, you are all very supportive. Why is it sad you decided to be so harsh? I do not understand that. She is a person that is recovering her marriage, and does not need you to assume things about her personality or the manner in which she lives. I have been reading your posts all over the place too, and find it amazing that one as smart as you thinks he can figure out all of our intentions in what we post, but seemingly, is in the dark about how to fix his own life. Maine needs support, kindness, and a place to feel safe. I for one hope she does come <BR>back, but after reading your post, if she is feeling ganged up on you did and are not helping. There is a time and a place for blunt honesty, let the hurt one get their bearing back first.<BR>Jes

Say WHAT? Please reconsider......for your own good as well as the good of your friends here at MB. I find your postings enlightening and straight from the heart. Hell, your opinion is just THAT......and opinions are like @$$holes, we all have one. And if folks don't agree at least they can respect the post(s) and agree to disagree. People can deal with it or go the alternate route. You've hung in there under far worse conditions, I'm sure. <P>In a nutshell.......don't sweat the small stuff, sweetie <P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Hi Maine,<P>I wrote on the recovery thread also...<P>Listen, I've been flamed up one side and down the other at times...<P>I have been asked to leave a thread and never return... and I won't tell you what I was saying first or you'd really feel sorry for me (I was being nice)... K said, on the other thread, he's pounded me good a couple of times (and apologized) over the years (I've been here two years - had a diff name before)... and bottom line, this is the written word, and you can't see our faces... so it may not be as dire, insulting, or mean as you think, if at all.<P>Please reconsider.<P>

Maine,Maine,Maine,<P>The tension here is high. We are all under a bunch of stress. I urge you to please stay. We all benefit from positive and negative comments because of the reason they are sent. With the idea to help us or humor us. <P>If there has been some bad feelings in the past, it is always good to bring it up and out in the open. Isn't that what we wished we could do with our Ws's? This forum makes us practice plan A on each other. Plan B is not good to pratice here because it inhibits our growth as supporters. Just like plan B does not work well in real recovery situations. <P>Please Maine, please stay. Not a whine just a plea. You are a valuable member of this support group. You know what I have been going through lately, please stay and help me. <P>Thanks,<BR>L.<BR>

Maine,<P>Where are you and how are you?<P>L.

Orchid,<P>Really, I wish she would come back. I'm concerned about her. She's had a couple of bad days.<P>Yo Maine, please post here if you are around.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

YEAH! DON'T LEAVE!!!!!!!!!

Maine, are you still out there. If you are I/we are here to listen to you and support you. Do not listen to the ramblings of Sad. Focus on the friends you have in here. I hope you come back, or that you have someone to talk to. Are you ok?<BR>Jes

Mainemade,<P>Still waiting for you. Please respond.<P>Mahalo,<BR>L.<BR>

Maine...<P>Being a formah Mainah, I have to say that I never found anything you said to be offensive or less than heartfelt. Since none of us is an expert, you take the things that are said the apply to you and use them, and the others you read and do what you will with them. There are some that will get upset from time to time because they don't like what you say, whether it is the truth, reminds them of something bad in their lives, or whatever other reasons. But for you to say that *none of you really ever paid attention to me* is false...you can't possibly know how you have affected someone elses life, simply because they don't respond to you in writing. Your advice, as simple as it may be, may brighten someones day, or stimulate a positive conversation at home with a spouse. I don't get that many people that respond to me directly either, but I know that many people here read and read, and I know that somewhere, just like in teaching, if I affect one person that day or week, it was worth me taking the time to respond. I implore you.....Please come back. If as you say, we are your one sane place, your haven for venting...then we deserve you as much as you deserve us. Come on home!<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!*<P>Trueheart

Hi you guys ...<P>I'll talk to Maine and see if I can get her to return. She's having a really hard time right now. I think she may have made this decison in an emotionally charged moment.<P>I'll see what I can do, k?<P>Jo

maine -<P>You can't just go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Do not do this to me - because I do not want you to leave.<P>Jo - email her for me - and tell her I will miss her, and I want her to come back, I need her to come back.<P>Maine - there are alot of people I don't get to talk with here either, but I feel that eventually I will clique with.<P>I am sorry that I have not had the greatest opportunity to post back to you, but the BB's have been going down, and my time is valuable and when I write it takes about half an hour, my modem is a 56K, we are not on cable modem and my computer is not fast. I have not been able to get into GQ II, and I have been frustrated by that.<P>And to tell you the truth!!!!!!!!!! I feel lonely here too. Look at yourself!!!!!!!! Your spouse has done a damaging thing to your self-esteem/ego, and you feel down in the dumps anyway. You have to give love, to receive love.<P>PLEASE DON'T GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>You wrote me, and made me feel good, because you cared about me, you are not giving me enough time. If you knew, what I have to do, and accomplish, etc. you would see.<P>Please write me - I am sorry when I lurked on the threads you posted on, I did not jump in, I don't always jump in on every thread, because I would be so confused, I have to learn over a period of time how to keep everyone straight in my mind - <P>Please post back separately on In Recovery - since I can't get into GQ II. lots of hugs, aftershock

Mainemade -<P>please don't go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>( I just typed a long msg to you, and I don't think it took it).<P>I don't have much time right now. But, do not go, I would miss you too much. You don't want to make me cry too, do you?????? <P>JO, email her and tell her to look back next week, because I am in a real time crunch situation right now.<P>I am trying to set up an e-mail account on yahoo - but it did not take it - think because of cookies.<P>Do not, do not, do not go!!!!!!!! hugs, aftershock