Hi, <P>I posted my story on Just found out. <P>It's been 2 weeks since d-day. <P>Hubbie is just waffling all over the place. <P>At 1st he was calling me at work to tell me sorry he hurt me, he hopes we can work everything out. <P>Then to saying he think's it's over on July 4th. I told him if that's what he wants to call the relator and put the house up for sale. He didn't seem to like that. <P>I pretty much figured that it was over. I'm tryingh plan A and going to counceling, no matter what he did EA, PA I still love him and want it to work. <P>So anyway the rest of the week he keeps saying "if we ever split up, I'd sure miss you" To not knowing if we will stay together. <P>Than last night he told me "I don't ever want to lose you" To which I told him I'm not going anywhere, that's it's him that say's he may want out. <P>Then again today he starts with the "If we ever split up I'd sure miss you" stuff again. But then says he feels so sad that he doesn't feel like working on us right now because his mind is messed up. What is this????<P>I'm looking at real estate and figuring out where I'll go if we sell the house. I have no family and no one to fall back on. <P>It's not that I want to leave I DON'T but I need to figure out my options in case he drops the bomb. <P>Then I'm so sad and hurting and he calls me at work tonight just to say hello. <P>What is with all this waffling does he want in or out?<P>I know it must be hard on him because of getting caught and calling it off with the OW. (I think he has)<BR>I know he has to see her at work occasionally.<P>What is going on is he having a hard time emotionally detaching from this person?<P>I'm just frustrated. On d-day I started to kick him out and as he was leaving I realized I still loved him deeply no matter what he had done, so I asked him if he really wanted to leave or if he wanted to stay and work things out. He stayed. <P>Is this that "fog" people are talking about? <P>What is it? <P>HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I feel like either hitting him on the head or hitting myself on the head. (won't really)<P>

Yes this is the Fog. It's thick and hard to shake off. The best plan of action right now is probably Plan A.<P>Keep up the good work.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Dear S&C,<P>Have you been given the welcome package? Here let me share this with you and welcome you to Marriage Builders.<P>NOTE: I am having trouble with my e-mail account. I will post the thread later. <P>Some of the terms used here in the situation you described could be waffling, sitting on the fence, etc. Yes it sounds like your H is still in the fog. Speak with a forked tongue? Mine did, still does. At the beginning, we desparately try to understand this new and foreign language (fogese). It is filled with a lot of confusion. Even the Ws and OPs get themselves mixed up. Somehow they manage to keep themselves together and then blame the WS for everything that goes wrong in their lives. Right more fog stuff. <P>After a while, you gotta let them speak this language only among themselves. As good as a linquist you may be, no one understands fogese completely. Nor do they want to. It damages the brain and for some it is a permanent damage. <P>So you love the spouse before the fog settled in right? Not necessarily the one in your home now? Looks the same, smells the same but where did he learn to babble like that? What does one do? <P>Read up on plan A and plan B. Take the Emotional Needs questionnaire. Copies of that are available at the top of this thread under the Marriage Builders logo.<P>Try not to reason too much with fogheads. It is a waste of time. Don't write them totally off, just be selective as to where and when you discuss things with your H. <P>Sorry about the thread, I will post it later. <P>L.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited July 11, 2001).]

Thank you for replying. i feel a little better, knowing others recognize this too. <P>I won't completely give up on him. This is just hard to deal with. <P>I see my therapist tomorrow, for the 2nd time. I'm sure I will feel better after that. <P>Thanks you made my night a little better. <BR>

S&C<P>Welcome to the amusement park I am sorry you are here. This amusement park features the worlds toughest roller coaster ride.<P>You are only two weeks into it and I think you know what I mean already, right?<P>First of all--hang in there. Read and post here and you will see you are mong friends. Friends who have heard the same things you are hearing now and a whole lot worse.<P>It sounds like your H is fog-bound for now. All you can do is buckle up your seatbelt and get ready for the ride. Do the best you can for yourself and know that you will get thru this one way or another. <P>Arm yourself with insight and support the people here can provide.<P>Good luck<P>E <P>

S&C - not only is what you describe normal, it's predictable. Take some comfort that he's waffling - it indicates turmoil and indecisivness which I believe is good. In contrast, my wife has been resolute (at least to me) in her conviction that she knows what she's doing and sees no need to look back.<P>WAT