Did anyone see and record Dr. Phil on Oprah last nite. There was a segment regarding a couple that had experienced infidelity in their marriage, and two years into recovery they were still struggling with "Trust" issues. He had some great advice.<P>I wish I would have recorded it. Did anyone happen to get it on tape?<P>------------------<BR>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 12, 2001).]

Oh man, I forgot again to tape it! I keep meaning to tape Oprah every Tuesday and I have never gotten my act together, yet. UGH! <P>Sorry I can't help you, Resilient.

Hey,<BR>No, I missed it too. But I did look on Oprah's website and it has a link about a show (a follow-up show) and I found some information about Dr. Phil's advice for infidelity. I found it by clicking on the Relationships/Dr. Phil link. Then clicking on the "Almost there" link...I'm not sure this is the show you are talking about, but I copied and pasted the information in case you were interested.<P>Quote from website regarding infidelity:<BR>"Dr. Phil acknowledges how painful this experience can be and how difficult it is to trust and love again. Yet, he believes it's absolutely vital to put the pain behind you and move forward with life and love. Otherwise, "You are not running your own life," says Dr. Phil, "you're giving your power away to the people who hurt you."<P> If you quit, you're guaranteed to lose. If you play the game, at least you have a chance to win. <P> Fall in love with who people are, not who you hope they are. When we're hungry for love, acceptance and affection, we tend to not ask too many questions about the other person. <P> What's your selection criteria? Every one of us has a God-given core where we find dignity and self-worth. However, you'll never find it if you don't have some standards. <P> Decide what you want. You have to name it before you can claim it. <P> If you pick the wrong person, it doesn't matter what you do after that. Most of us tend to pick people we think we know, who we think we feel safe with, who we think we can control. <P> Take things one step at a time. If you get scared, be willing to admit that and talk about it, but don't automatically take yourself out of a relationship because of it. <P> Feeling scared is okay. Being willing to trust again is the key.<P>Also... "Recognize that the marriage cannot heal until it finds emotional closure. <BR> <BR> To find this emotional closure, find out what your minimal effective response is. That means doing the smallest thing that it takes to move on — and then moving on."<BR>(Close Quote)<P>Hope this helps....<BR> <BR>Jen<P>[This message has been edited by JenniJ (edited July 12, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by JenniJ (edited July 12, 2001).]

Thank you so much for doing that, Jenni! <P>Dr. Phil also had alot to say to the H (WS) in the segment. I was very interested in his advice to him also.<P>Jo

His advice to the WH was that he needed to listen to everything the BS W needed to say to get it out of her system. He told her that she needed to face it and let it all out. He basically was saying that she needs to open up because the H thought they were done with the issue.<P>I read somewhere (probably in Torn Asunder) that the WS needs to see the pain from the BS to fully understand what they did. The book said until the BS gets angry they can't move forward. <P>I hope this helped a bit.<P> <P>I think I'm referring to an episode a couple weeks ago where they interviewed a couple again a year after their first appearance to see if they followed Dr. Phil's advice. <P>------------------<BR><B><I>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX</I></B><P>By Eleanor Roosevelt ~~<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." <P><LI>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission."<BR></UL><p>[This message has been edited by Free2BMe (edited July 12, 2001).]