H called me tonight to ask how my counseling session went today(he won't go yet).<BR>Today is 2 weeks 1 day since d-day.<P>He said at 1st he thought he wanted to split up, now he is REALLY AFRAID that he will be making a mistake, but that his heart isn't into working on things yet. Must still be in the fog. <P>Plan A, Plan A<P>He did say he noticed a positive change in me but he is afraid that I'm just pretending and it will go back to the way it was. Me not meeting his EN.<P>What to do? <P>Just keep doing plan A and have hope that he will see the light and know I'm committed to fixing this. <P>

Dear S&C,<P>Why are the WS's so afraid we will turn on them? Because they have turned on us an don't want to suffer the same hurt. At least that's my take. Hm..... <P>So they do know they have hurt us. Well, well, well, sounds like your H has the fogese version of the WS handbook. His words are almost identical to my H's. Point is that we are the ones with the clear mind. Think, if you wanted to hurt your H like he hurt you, he would not have to wonder, it would be so obvious. But you haven't Why? because you still love your H and that confuses them. How can you love someone that has hurt you soo much? <P>Boy they don't get that piece. Especially when the OW is pulling hard in the other direction and trying to make you look like scum. <P>So can you stick with plan A? If yes, there is still hope. Hard to do but you do have him thinking. That is important. <P>Take Care, <BR>L.<BR>

Agree with Orchid....I got the 'Why do you still love me after all that's happened?' question just a week ago - they really can't fathom it out, and are scared that this is just some really cunning revenge plan being worked on!<P>I just told my WH that I had realised long ago that my love for him was 'unconditional', sure I had needs that weren't being met in our marriage too, but I accepted those because they were part of his personality, and it was HIM I loved, not some perfect fantasy guy. Now he is realising that he made mistakes too, but although it would be very nice if he could meet all my needs, it's not an essential factor of my love for him.<P>I guess we all feel much the same way - that if we were honest with ourselves, we KNEW that something was missing from our marriages, but whereas we were strong enough to live with that and just be happy with what we had got - our WS's found it much more of an issue than we realised and ended up seeking the missing factors with someone else...<P>Hang in there, you are doing absolutely fine - and so is your WH <P>Best wishes, Paint.<P>

Thanks for responding. I feel better. <P>I'm still plan A'ing my butt off. I will. <P>OW works with him, I work there as well she in another department. I know he see's he oncein awhile and I don't think she is the type to "give up" easily. <BR>So I will plan A my little heart out to keep my H and let her turn into the hateful troll that I know shw is. <P>She only started working at our company about 7 or so months ago. <P>I have been there 10 years and H 15 years. <P>She came in just getting over her third divorce ( she is 13 years older than H and me)<P>She stated to her staff that "I'm never getting married again, I'm only going to use married me so I can throw them away when I'm done with them" or something to that effect. <BR>One of her staff members who is a friend of a friend got up and said the is why "women like me hate women like you and walked away"<P>I think OW is a very EVIL person and this will come out. She walks around with such a sour expression on her face and no one like her. <P>BTW on d-day I was telling hubbie to un-encrypt the e-mail I found so I coud read more than the title. (which were telling enough)<BR>I told him in a fit of rage open them or I will send her an e-mail. He didn't so I did. I called her a homewrecking C U Next Thursday. (know what I mean) This was from his work e-mail account. After he decided to stay and work things out I tried to recall the message. I forgot about it till the other night when he mentioned the recall didn't work and that she got it. <BR>Well she knows I know. <P>I don't know what I'll do when I run into her in the hall at work. I guess just look straight ahead and keep walikng. <P>Anyway, I plan to be nice, nice ,nice to H and plan A. <BR>I'm NOT pushing him into this little trolls arms. <P>Thanks for the support