After the conversation that I had with my H last night on the phone I have been really thinking about Plan B.<P>On one hand I see it working for others.....not saying that I think it WILL work for me.......and on the other hand I think that it would be the perfect opportunity for my H to just go on and do what he wants.<P>While talking to him on the phone last night I asked him if he had thought about me at all......he said no....and I said not once....and the answer again was no. In the 9 days he's been gone he hasn't thought about me once. How sad.<BR>He tells me that I pretty much don't have a chance in hell.....and when I ask him if he thinks he will ever want to come home and be a family with us again he says probably not.....but when our oldest daughter asks him he says I don't know.<BR>Why is he giving different people different answers?<BR>He told me the day after he left that he had feelings for the OW......now says he doesn't. <BR>He's told me that me dating wouldn't bother him a bit....even offered to keep the girls one night this weekend so I could go out on a date.....which I don't plan to do. He has however told me that the thought of me meeting a man and getting involved enough to live with or marry this man would bother him only because this man would be spending more time with the kids than him. He knows that he can prevent that from happening.<BR>He pretty much doesn't give a crap what I do.<P>Here's a good one for you......I aksed him last night on the phone......H....what do you think is best for the kids?<BR>He actually said.......I don't know. This man is incredible.<P>So......here it is.....to Plan B or not to Plan B.<BR>He's already out of the house.....but we talk everyday on the phone and he comes to see the kids about every other day. He doesn't like to discuss us....and everytime I try to....he says he has to go. I guess he doesn't want to talk about it so he doesn't have to think about it. I think for my situation....it's out of sight out of mind. He is doing a really good job of convincing me that he really doesn't love me and will NEVER ever want to come home. He's got it made right now....he is in the perfect spot to be able to keep the OW a secret and still be able to talk to her.<BR>He sees her at work everyday and he calls her after she gets home from work......and nobody will know. I guess they think we are all stupid....since he's still denying it's going on.....and I guess they are just waiting for everyone to accept what is happening so they can make a go of it....I don't know.<P>Does anyone else see my point in wondering if Plan B would be a good idea for me? I think it will just fuel his fire in being able to be with the OW.<P>

What I would do and did actually was continue plan A with him out of the house. Its actually alot easier to do and then when you feel like it you can still go to plan B.<P>What you need to do is work on yourself, find interests, find something to do on Saturday night... not dating, but something to build you up and make you happy. Go and let him keep the kids that night. Show him you have a life that does not involve hanging out waiting for him to call.<P>Stop talking to him about the relationship. He doesnt want to hear it and it is a LB at this point. Stop calling him as much as possible, let him call you. Dont ask him if he though of you and dont tell him you are thinking of him all the time. Do be pleasant and happy when you talk to him. Do send him cards telling him about whats going on with the kids and your life. Back off a little and let him come to you... dont chase him, its only driving him away.<P>Start working on a real plan A... improving yourself and getting stronger. Good luck .<BR>Lora

I agree with Lora.<P>I am in Plan A while separated. H doesn't want to talk about "stuff". I always end up crying and trying to make him feel guilty. I finally learned to quit talking about "stuff" with him. I knew that if I kept on, he wouldn't talk to me at all. ughhhh.. so I have to fight myself really bad to keep chit chat to small, friendly stuff. When I started doing this consistently, I got more response and communication from him. You can do it. Keep on Plan A. Just give him a little space and make him wonder why.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28