OK.......since I've LB'ing so much on the phone lately with my H.......should I plan A for 1 or 2 weeks before I go to Plan B.<P>OR....should I just go directly into Plan B while those LB's are still there. <P>I know that I can NOT LB.....but it's hard not to talk about us....when I think he's coming around a little...which I guess he wasn't.<P>Another thing......how the heck do I go into Plan B when our daughters surgery is coming up and we are going to have to make alot of trips to the Dr.....one hour away from our home. H plans on going to all of these visits....and has gotten FMLA papers in case he thins he needs to have the Dr. sign them. I don't know why.....since he isn't living here anymore.<P>AND.....how do I tell him in the Plan B letter that I cannot continue this relationship like it is....with him seeing the OW....if he's denying it and it's a major LB for me to even suggest that he is.<BR>How can I tell him that when he is ready to cut all ties with her that I will be here....ready to make this a complete family again.....when it's a LB again.<P>Doesn't really matter what I say to him.....it seems to be LB literally.

Miss Priss:<P>I don't think you can go to Plan B yet, for the reasons you already mentioned.<P>1) You've got to leave only good stuff when you go to B, even if it's just a little bit of good. You can't really go to B with the last thing being an LB. It just won't work.<P>2) I think your daughter's surgery is certainly an important event. Considering the ramifications of B, I would certainly get through the surgery first before going to B. Not to minimize your daughter's situation, but this event is going to *require* contact between you and your H. I'm not saying, "Hey! Your daughter's a great excuse to Plan A!" but this situation will provide an opportunity for you to both share focus on something.<P>I would concentrate on being the best mom possible and rethink your Plan A approaches to him. Give him his space, and seem happy about it. Let him know it's okay with you to do what he wants. It will probably go against everything you're feeling inside, but fake it until you believe it. Avoid anything you think might be construed on his part as a LB... For me, I feel like I can LB just by being in the same room as my W sometimes. It ain't easy when they're so far in the fog.<P>You say he's coming round a little, or at least giving signs... Celebrate those, then forget them. Don't try to parlay them into something more from him... It will just backfire.<P>Focus on you, your daughter, and loving him for who he is right now, which is unfortunately not very lovable. But that's Plan A.<P>Take care,<BR>-zen

Miss Priss - good questions.<P>Good answer from zen.<P>Let me add that when you do go to Plan B, you DO require that he discontinue his relationship - and maintain NO contact - before you'll be ready to re-establish contact with him. It won't matter that he still denies it. You know it's happening and HE knows it's happening.<P>WAT

Zen, you read my mind. THat's what I wanted to say exactly, but wasn't sure - I wanted to see what others were going to say.<P>Miss P, hun, I agree with zen. I am Plan A'ing in separation, which was hard at first, but easier now. Most of the time, I convince myself, I don't CARE what he's doing - because I don't KNOW, and I CAN'T do anything about it. Just Plan A whenver you talk to him or see him. If you need to bite your tongue, or leave the room when he's around, do it. It will get easier.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28