Can't sleep, too much on my mind. Divorce papers have been filed (by me). I still can't believe that this is happening. It's been 4 1/2 mos. since D-day. I can tell you lots and lots of LBs (just found out about SAA). Yes I still love my husband, and I have begged and begged for him to come home. Nothing. Reasons (from him): 1) I love OW (something cat dragged off the streets). 2) Cant's stop messing around. 3)I don't think I can ever be intimate w/ you again 5) I don't love you. 6) Too much has been said and done (and boy did I do some damage for ex, ruined $1,000 worth of clothes, physically assualted him pretty badly. Believe me never did it before and never will do it again, but I was extremely upset and angry. So lots of LB. Anyway, my H proclaims that our children are everything to him. He would do anything for them. Yet, has made no effort to work on our 13 yr marriage. Refuses to try counseling. Says there is nothing wrong w/him. He himself says that a 2 parent home is the best environment to raise children, yet has not come home. He WANTS to keep messing around (his words). Says he will always put children first, yet gives money when he wants. I told him that his decision not to come back is not in the best interest of the children, only in the best interest of himself. He says nothing. Because of HIS and only HIS decision to have a A, it's pretty crappy that his family had to pay for it. Did I forget to tell you, brought the OW into our home many many times under the assumption that she was a gay friend. HE walked out, HE messed around, and HE doesn't want to go to counseling, and WE his family have to deal with the consequences. I don't understand. I told him if divorce goes thru, I would like to move to another city to make a brand new start. He response, is that in the best interest of the children? The nerve!!!! I told him were we not also entitled to Happiness, or was that right exculsively HIS. I've cried and cried, but at this point I am so numb. Where does justice come in to play. My question is: AREN'T MY CHILDREN ENTITLED TO HAPPINESS, above mine or hiS. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!! I know that work that will be involved if by chance he come back and I'm will to do it because of the LOVE I have for MY FAMILY. Thanks for listening.

still - have you finished reading SAA?<P>Then stop the divorce preceedings while you can still recover this.<P>Your description of your H is very, very typical.<P>Please consider a complete change of course. Implement Plan A as described in SAA. Come to us with questions and vent to us instead of to your H. You can do this.<P>WAT

I initiated the divorce, he then also filed for divorce meaning if I wanted to stop the dirvorce, his will go thru. I didn't know this can be done. I've thought of withdrawing the divorce papers. I want to talk to him about it, but I am terribly afraid of another rejection. I have really tried and tried to leave the door open for him, but he just keeps closing it. We for the first time in 4 mos. have started talking in a decent manner. I'm trying to Plan A it. We really did have a decent marriage, only when OW came into the picture, he started to see everything in me negatively. I know this have been asked before, but how does one literally turn their back on their own family. Does he really think that if the divorce goes thru, writing a check for child support is BEST for the children. Is that the extent of his responsibility? This is from a man who begged me to have these children. Now he is putting OW who by the way has 3 children of her own by different men in front of his own flesh and blood. Where is his F***ing brain? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. <BR>

It sounds like you never did a Plan A and went straight to filing for divorce because H was not acting quick enough for you in regards to working on the marriage. He has not seen the good in staying with you by your LB which is what help's when in Plan A. I think your begging and crying has also pushed him further away. You didn't do that for him to fall in love and marry you so why do it now. Maybe you should take a step back re-evaluate the situation and calmly start Plan A first, if that doesn't work over time then Plan B would be in order if he is still with OW. JMO

Trying2-4give<P> Ouch, but maybe you are maybe right? Did not know about marriage builders until recently. Two months into our separation, I ask him that if he was going thru something, I would wait for him. He told me not to, he did not love me. So that is when I initiated divorce papers. I felt that I had been backed into a corner. Maybe I filed papers based on emotions instead of thinking thing thru, perhaps. My question... CAN THIS MARRIAGE BE SAVED? and What do I need to do? At this point, I want my marriage to work but I feel so hopeless and at the same time very confused. How could he walk away from his family. We are all he had.

<BR>Divorce is such a "radical turn." <P>I guess that prior to learning of the A, we all think we'll just walk away (at least that's how we condition ourselves). <P>Marriage is something I took for granted (that will NEVER happen again). After learning of the A, some of us try to save our marriage(s). I think what really happened was, we find out how much we really DO LOVE our spouse and at the same time, we have to re-condition ourselves that we will try to hang-on to the one we love and find ways of improving ourselves and our marriage.<P>It sounds like you are not sure about the divorce filing. Maybe withdraw it temporarily and go into Plan A for several months...<P>MTH

should I talk to him about it first or should I just withdraw the papers? But remember, if i withdraw mine, his goes into effect.