This is on my mind....because it hurts.<P>Past History:<BR>For six years H's children were a part of my life. After H moved out his children were calling here for 2 weeks before he told them. I didn't answer the phone because I felt it was his place to tell them not mine. I did relay the messages to H. When he finally told them, they asked why...were you fighting...he told them NO. D asked if this meant she wouldn't see me or talk to me anymore. H told me he said it's between me and them. So for awhile I called to see how they were doing. D is the one that brought up "DAD" saying if bad things happened to him, she hoped I'd know "I" would be hurting them. I told her they shouldn't be involved. Apparently WH told them if the business got closed down or he goes to jail it was MY fault. This was very wrong on his behalf to put this on his children. I see H did this to relieve himself of blame in their eyes, but none the less it's a LIE. H doesn't except the responsibility for HIS actions, I'm his scapegoat. <P>I tried to call their mother, but D always said she was busy and I later found out D never gave her any messages. D apparently didn't want me talking to the mother. <BR>I feel for the children and haven't talked to them Dec. D was angry and told me not to call again. I called once since, just to see if someone was home, because I was going to return a few items they requested. I had discussed this with their mother previously and she had agreed to this arrangement, I had to call her at work. When I called their house to return the items, D slammed the phone in my ear as soon as she found out it was me. I called the mother at work to let her know I had made an attempt. I asked her if she minded because I couldn't get her otherwise and didn't want to call her at home, she was willing to talk to me and even offer her sympathy for what I was going through. <P>When I went to court with H he gave me a copy of a letter that the mother had written. In the letter it was written that I REFUSED to return these items. She also told a bunch of other LIES, like she had never talked to me ever in six years. She wrote that she was shocked that I called her at work and she didn't know how I knew where she worked. Give me a break, I had her kids and even watched them over the summers, took them to the doctors when she couldn't or wouldn't.<P>Anyway, a couple of months ago I ran across some bookmarkers I had gotten them. I was thinking of them and decided to send them the bookmarkers which had a poem of "Footprints". I didn't want to send them from me since D appears to hate me at point. So I scanned a picture of the dogs in a red heart, kind of sending it from them. When we were at the court house H had this picture in a folder. H said I can't believe you sent this to D to upset her. Upsetting D was definitely not my intentions. <P>Now one of the dogs is an issue in H's demands in his court appeal. H left and relinquished all ownership. H even had told me he didn't care what I did with them...take them to the pound...put them to sleep. H refused to pay for their food or vet bills. I feel it's just a control issue with them, since nobody took care of the dog here, but me. It was always a hassle just for any of them to take it out or clean up after it, like pulling teeth. I also know this wouldn't work out, as they have 2 other dogs. This dog doesn't like other dogs and can be aggressive around excitement. It wouldn't be in their better interest or the dog's. <P>I needed to vent this to someone. I've decided NO CONTACT with any of them. In their frame of mind everything is misconstrued, no matter what. I'm the bad person, just because I care. Yes, it hurts deeply to feel that people can be so cruel, hateful and vindictive. This has become a mess and a battle. My guess is OW loves this.<P>I guess I just need some opinions and support please. Thanks. <BR>

Hurtwife - I don't have a solution for you, but to answer your title question, it's them. not you, with the problem. Blood is thicker than mud.<P>WAT

I'm not great with advice but I think it probably best to not contact any of them again. <BR>I'm sure it must hurt for the kids to treat you this way but kids grow up and have a way of learning the truth. They are his kids and no matter how much time and love you gavae them, thier loyalty will be to him.<BR>As far as the kids mother goes, well, she aint worth a second thought. Backstabbing wench comes to mind. I deal with my daughters fathers wife, my X's new wife, and man did I ever learn not to trust her the hard way.<BR>Keep your chin up and go about your life. All this will blow over eventually.<BR>

Dear HW,<P>You are being pitted against those children by 2 persons. Your H and his XW. You are not meant to win so don't fight it. The children will see but it will be when they figure it out because their 2 other parents are 2 dumb to think of the children's welfare ahead of their own. <P>Unfortunately, the children may receive some psycological damage to there characters and may recover as they get older. Eventually they will see like other do where the real enemy lies. Said when it is so close to home. No child likes to entertain the thought that their parents misguided them due to selfish tendancies. <P>At that time, you will shine as the one who has always been there for them. Continue to be youself until that day. Then be there for them to hug them. <P>L.<BR>

worthatry:<P>Thanks. I hope I'm not mud, although I do feel like it.

shedawg:<P>Yes, best no contact. I know they love their father, as they should. I don't think they respect him. D told me she didn't say what he did was right, that tells me at least she did know...at one time anyway. <P>Backstabbing wench is a good description and apparently she's not worth thoughts. <P>Thanks for the support.<BR>

<B>Blood is thicker than mud.<BR></B><P>So true. My younger Stepson won't tell me that his dad is right or wrong, just told me he felt HOW his dad left was wrong (note on TV, NO talk, NO admitting to OW, etc.).<P>It was nice to hear he (son) had an opinion about some of it, but just not wanting to get "involved" in helping his dad decide about divorcing or not.<P>An interesting point though, SS did say that dad is "being pulled in one direction by part of the family, and being pulled in another direction by another part of the family..." HUH?!?!?! I thought *I* was the only one "pulling" him away from OW. I KNOW for a fact that my BIL and 2 SIL's are totally in favor of him leaving me. So I don't know if it IS SS who is "other part of family" or what....just have to let it play out.<P>Anyways, Hurtwife, just wanted to say, when it comes to HER kids and HIS kids, it's a whole 'nother ball game, and a whole 'nother dimension that NO ONE addresses in the books! Hang in there. Over the years, if you've had a good relationship with the kids, they'll remember it, and they'll come around. They just can't condemn their dad (to you) because he IS their dad! They may be doing it to him when you don't know....kinda what I feel my SS is doing.<P>Lupo

Orchid:<P>Actually it's 3 that are "pitting" H, XW and OW. In court OW sat running her mouth, making derogatory comments, displaying her childishness. In fact I know children that have more sense and maturity. The only thing she displayed was her IGNORANCE and immaturity. What a great influence on H's children. Apparently he doesn't see it or care. I really don't understand how he can tolerate such behavior from someone that is supposed to be an adult, chronologically speaking, NOT mentally. Let alone continually expose his children to HER.<P>You are exactly right about the parents....DUH. D is the parent in this case, D runs the show. The parent are too <BR>moronic and self-centered to see it's not for the welfare of their children. Sad but true.<BR> <BR>The children already have psychological damage from their past and present detrimentally dysfunctional family life. The mother took off with the OM, than divorced H...now their father took off with the OW. OW is a real scrum-dweller, guess the grass is greener over the septic tank. I can't imagine what kind of relationships the children will have in their future, since they are being taught "anything goes". <P>It's all in God's hands now.<P>Appreciate your input and support.<BR>Take Care. <BR>((((((HUGS))))))<BR>

HW:<P>Not only is blood thicker than mud, it enters the fog much more easily.<P>They have tried to turn this into a united-front, set-piece battle. It is a military axiom that in a situation such as this and the odds are against you (as it is in your case), attempt the unexpected: either in offense or defense. In your case: defense. Plan B forthwith ... no contact. A battle requires intelligence (of the military sort, not the IQ sort), by implementing Plan B, you deny them intelligence and an effective means to counter you.<P>Plus it gives you a chance to work on YOU.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Dear HW, <P>Oh, life and bad people make it so unfair. If these are not your biological children, you will not feel less love for them but in reality your hands may be tied, for the present. <P>If that is your case and there is soo much stacked against you, then HW, please let go. There is no guarantee that H won't come back to his senses or stay that way for the rest of his life. Life makes no guarantees either way. <P>With that knowledge, you take care of you and your responsibilities. In time the children will heal. How and when it up to their parents and them. If later, they come to you to thank you for being there for them, accept it. Right now that may not be possible. <P>You may not want to hear this, but time does heal all wounds. Some leave bigger scars than others, but there is a healing process. You are too beautiful a person not to heal. Your wounds will heal better than H's because you are trying your best to do what is right. Remember this, it is important for your recovery. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

lupolady:<P>It's sad that the children have to be in the middle. The children shouldn't be involved more than they have to due to the situation. <P>It just gets to me that I am made out to be the ogre when this wasn't my choice. I have no contact with ANY of them and haven't. There is nothing I can do anyway.<P>I don't expect them to condemn their Dad, they love him in their way. I didn't think they would "HATE" me, but it appears they do. I guess they need someone to blame...and apparently it's going to be me. <P>If they want to twist and turn everything around on me, that is their problem, they will have to deal with. Sorry to say. The suppose to be adults in this situation need to grow up. <P>Thanks...Take Care. <BR>

SeenTheLight:<P>Unfortunately, this has turned into a united-front and a battle, I hate it. I don't think you could really call this Plan B. Yes, there has been no contact because this was H's choice and has been. H has been extremely verbally abusive and hateful towards me, so no contact has become my choice also. <P>I didn't find the MB site until 9 months or so after H moved out. By this time a lot had transpired. Therefore, I didn't know or have the opportunity to implement a Plan A. Although I did try to be here for him. I know I did the LB's, but I didn't know that at the time. <BR> <BR>Isn't no contact only a part of Plan B? I did not give H a Plan B letter. It was suggested I write one and present it to him in court. I did start to write one, but as things progressed into a battle, I decided this was frivolous. Everything, no matter what the intentions, has been construed the opposite...only causing more problems.<P>I feel like this whole mess has gone pass the "point of NO return". Not that I wanted it this way.<P>I'm just so overwhelmed and confused. The input here helps. <BR>I know I have to work on ME now and I'm trying. <P>Thank you for your reply. May God Bless.<BR>