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Joined: Apr 2001
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It is a EMERGENCY! I will need your help, if you have some suggestions in following situation,<P>My WH gave the OW a no-contact letter at work yesterday, he did not sign it because I do not want the letter will be the thing she can use against him. He also asked me to sent her a e-mail at the same time to assure me that she did got it. So, we open a additional mailbox under our existing mail account. I receive a e-mail 6 hours later as following:<P>Subscriber,<P>A complaint has been lodged with (name of the Internet company) over a possible infraction of your agreement. We are looking closely into this matter and will contact you when our findings are complete. The complaint consisted of illegally using an account belonging to another subscriber and using your e-mail account to make threats. This is a serious charge and we are in possesion of the email that was sent from this account. If you have any information that may be of help in this matter, please forward to (this address)<P><BR>Is a no-contact letter a threat? I think she did this to us out of revenge. Should I contact a lawyer? Will my H or me get in trouble? Any suggestion? Please!<P>Following is the letter my WH sent to her (I did not see any threats, but I am not a lawyer) --<P>I am copying my beloved wife the following message via E-mail.<BR>The OW,<BR>I am writing you this letter in my own will to let you know that our relationship was a huge mistake. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that my wife did not deserve. We must end all communication immediately except that involving work. Furthermore, I don’t want you to reply to this at any forms, this is the last time I will associate with you other than work.<BR>My heart have always been with my wife and I will love her through out my life time.<BR>You have no right to blame me for my actions. You had a on going relationship with me while you were living with another man, and you chose to have a relationship with me shortly after you were married. On the other hand, my wife is the one stand by me through thick and thin and that’s the kind of woman a man is willing to cherish through his life. I could not face the rest of my life without my wife by my side. I am NOT going to lose her. <P>You can look at marriage lightly like you had, but I certainly do not wish to. You must leave me and my wife alone all at once. You have done more than enough to hurt me, my family, especially my beloved wife.<BR>DO NOT REPLY TO ME IN ANY FORMS. I will not allowed you to act as a destroyer in my marriage any longer. This is my wish, however, please be advised that should you disregard my wishes and attempt to re-establish contact I will NOT waiver in my decision and it will be shared with my wife. <BR>You are no longer a part of my life.<BR>A Family Man

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trying to live2,<P>Don't panic. The response from the email provider is a standard form. They have to send it out on every complaint they get. They it stated they did not read your letter yet. Heck, it was probably sent out automatically when the complaint was received.<P>The letter was is beautiful. It show undying support for you, his wife. It also show to anyone whom she may want to show it too that it is a situation in which she was a willing participant.<P>Now why did she reply in this manner? Does she think you sent it and are harrassing her? One of my H's OW reacted that way and sent me threatening emails. She is a witch and treatened to harm me because she thinks that I sent the email. Now that I read your post here I think I should have sent hers in as abuse because her email was definately scarey and threatening.<P>No, don't get a lawyer yet. If the email provider contacts you and wants to make a deal about it, then get a lawyer if you cannot resolve it with them.<P>The letter was not a threat.<P>I hope she does not do this at work. Making herself look like the victum. Just remember that her job could be at stake too since it was a willing relationship. So that will probably keep here in line there. Is your husband going to change jobs? He needs to.<P>Good luck on this one.<BR>Z<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

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I see nothing wrong there. There were no threats of any kind.<P>I don't think you have anything to worry about.<P>The OW obviously has her nose bent out of shape over this and just wants to scare you.<P>Good luck! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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Another thought. <P>Your husband may want to contact the Internet company and say that at this time he has no other information to provide because he does not understand the problem. Who do is being accused of using whose account? And what threatening email was sent? He cannot respond until he has more definite information. <P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

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Thanks for your replys.<BR>I am going to contact the provider now and ask for some more info.<BR>This is really scarey!!!!!!<BR>The only thing makes me feel better is that - doesn't matter what happen , my H and I will face it together as a family.

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I agree - don't sweat it. You or your H are NOT going to go to jail for THAT!! <P>This OW is a jerk, just laugh at it. There is nothing threatening in that letter, no swaring, nothing. <P>What's the worst that can happen? The internet company takes you off their subscriber list. Big deal.

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Hmmmm..... I think you could take the letter that you sent to her and the letter from the ISP and talk to an attorney. Sounds like grounds for a restraining order to me.<P>~A

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trying to live2:<P>I don't see anything threatening. OW is probably angry and <BR>trying to get back at WH and you. Read and print out your terms of agreement. Do you even know that the email you received is really from the Internet company? OW could have sent it herself. I wouldn't jump to conclusions yet. <P>I'm not an attorney so I can't advise. If it is the Internet company, they are most likely obligated to investigate any complaints. If OW sent a complaint, the company should be able to distinguish this email is not an actual threat. From what I have heard about the Internet company's, all they can do is kick you off the service, if they find you abused your terms of agreement. Otherwise, for criminal charges, I would think this would have to be established first and that would probably have to be determined by the laws in your state. <P>Has OW sent any email to you? If so make sure you keep a copy. Also, I don't know if maybe you should get rid of the additional mailbox you opened, this might be an idea that there is no intention of further contact. On the other hand you might want to keep it opened, so if OW tries further contact through this mailbox, you'll have proof OW is harassing you. <P>I would definitely suggest you nor WH have ANY FURTHER CONTACT, especially via email. <P>You could call the Internet company and ask if they sent the email. I'd be discreet in what I said to them and not offer any information at this point, maybe just ask if it's from them. If they ask you any questions, you could just tell them you don't want to discuss it until you speak with your attorney. I wouldn't forward anything to the address given in the email, since you don't know for sure where it came from.<P><BR>Unfortunately, I've had to deal with a lot of legal issues, court, etc. I know it's easy to get yourself all distraught over this kind of thing. I did this the last time I went to court with WH, freaking myself out. The Judge slammed him before he even got a chance to open his mouth and it was thrown out of court. Plus I'm dealing with a pyscho OW, so I know how some can be. <P>Just my opinion, but I wouldn't get too upset right now about it. You need to find out more information.<P>Take Care.<P><BR>

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Could this happen without a person actually files a complaint? My WH just does NOT believe that she did this,LOL.<P>She forward my WH the same email(the one I received)today!<BR>So, my WH said to me - How can she receieve that e-mail? Because in the massage she forwarded,it is addressed to us from the provider instead of her.<P>Well I think the provider sent her a copy of the "action" they are taking according to her complaints.<P>But instead, she is so innocent again to receive that email for NO reason- wake up my WH!!<P>Dear out of the fog, <BR>Can you explain to me what you mean by restraining order?<BR>A restraining order against me from her or the other way around?<BR>Thank you!<P>

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Hi TTL2,<P>Don't worry about this. It is very obvious to the internet service provider that this is an angry OW. They see her stupidity just like we do. Ok, now more people know. WOW.<P>I also used the abuse line at hotmail to report pornography e-mails and threats that OW sent to H & I respectively. Irregardless of when they were sent, the content caused them to shut down her e-mails accounts not mine. <P>Oh, OW threatened to have me shut down. All my accounts are still active. <P>So don't panic. The only way the local authorities will get involved with an internet issue is if there is a supeona or warrant type of request made. To do this most law enforcement agencies require that proof of harrassment according to 'their' standards (not the internet provider) be violated. That letter does not show proof of harrassment. <P>I would not worry. Most police departments have an internet unit. You can call the one in your area and discuss this if it will help you and your H to feel better. <P>How do I know all this? Oh, my older posts tell some funny stories. I am getting to know the police department a lot better. Now I know where my tax dollars are being spent. <P>Maybe I should go and help them do their budget. Probably could help them save some money..... LOL!!! <P>Please let your H know that he did the right thing. Keep a copy of that letter and the internet companies response. <P>You are ok. <P>Take Care, <BR>L.<BR>

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Another terrible thought -<BR>Maybe my WH never handed her the letter yesterday! She saw it only when I emailed her( the time I emailed her, H was at work) and thought it is a fake nocontact from me. That explain why she forwarded the notice to my WH. Just let him know I did it.<BR>Will have to clear it when H gets home. We were planning a small get away this weekend, but now I just can not even to start packing. <P>TTL2

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trying to live2,<P>Breath slowly.........<P>Ok, now don't panic. You said that your husband told you to email it to her right? Well then you only acted as his secretary. So he it was from him.<P>Now, does he have internet access from work? If he does then he could have emailed it from work. Maybe he did chicken out on giving it to her in person and decided to let the email take care of it. Do you think that is what happened?<P>What are your concerns here? That he did not intend to break off from her? Does your husband plan to get a new job? If they work together that might be a very good idea as he should have no contact with her in the future.<P>Z

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Dear Zorweb,<BR>My H does have a Email at work, but I am the one think useing the company's property for that is not right and that is why I did it for him from home.<P>I concern is - he told me he did it yesterday, if he did not, then he is telling me lies again. Contact or no-contact I do not want to be lie to anymore. Especially if his lie cause me trouble.<P>I really think he did chicken out yesterday. It is very hard for him to do that.<P>

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trying to live2,<P><BR>What I was saying about him having internet access at work is that is it physically possible that he sent her the email. So she does not know who sent it. <P>I figured that was why you were upset. I can understand that you would be upset. But this could turn into a big love busting moment when you discuss it with him. You see, he knew she was going to get the email so he may have decided to let her get it that way. Then he may have been ashamed and afraid to tell you so he lied to protect you/him.<P>Remember that while he has to earn your trust back, he has trust issues of his own. He is probably very ashamed and hurting over what he has done. He is probably afraid to trust you. Afraid that if he tells you the truth that you will cry, be upset, leave him and maybe even use the truth to hurt him back. So you have to gain his trust too. This is a hard lesson for the BS to learn.<P>You may want to tell him that when a lie is told to protect either him or you, it is still just a lie. And each time he tells one it only proves that he cannot be trusted. I told my H this and told him that I wanted the truth at all costs even if it hurt me. I then promissed him that I would never use anything he told me to hurt him back. Then I've had to show him that I meant it.<P>Give him permission to be open with you. Give him permission to admit to it if he lied.<P>Good Luck<BR>Z

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by trying to live2:<BR><B><BR>Can you explain to me what you mean by restraining order?<BR>A restraining order against me from her or the other way around?<BR>Thank you!<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>simple ---- You asked her not to contact you in any form what-so-ever. No threats of any sort were made, yet it seems clear that she has attempted to do some sort of retaliation via an innocent third party.<P>You had every right to ask her to never contact you again. And you by no means made any threats.<P>She feels that you must have sent the letter through your spouses account without their permission. You and your spouse both know that this is incorrect. But by contacting her you would be breaking your own 'no contact' rules.<P>I think if you asked an attorney to draft a simple letter requesting no contact and citing the information stated....cc'd it to the ISP and sent it certified mail to the OP.....it should end the problem.<P>Don't just tell her 'no contact'. Tell her you MEAN NO CONTACT.<P>If it continues after such official notification, you'll indeed have grounds to place a restraining order on her.<P>~A<P><p>[This message has been edited by out of the fog (edited July 13, 2001).]


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