If anyone here has ANY doubts about their own counselor or don't think you need one, then I HIGHLY recommend Steve (1-888-639-1639). After talking to him, I just feel so uplifted. He gets to the point, comes up with a plan, and encourages you very strongly.<P>Okay I talked to him. Last time I did was in June. I brought him up to date.<P>First, the kids. He said I'm doing a most excellent job with them. (I know ) Showing them I care for their feelings, letting them know I'm there for them, nipping trouble in the bud & not just brushing it off.<P>Now the juicy stuff. The Mrs.<P>Told him about the conversation the other night. FHL - Yes I did have lovebusters. I shouldn't do ANYTHING to get her defensive. When she comes back and we are working on the relationship, then I can be more open about stuff like that. We talked a bit about learning to control my responses when she says something I might jump at. DON'T JUMP NO MATTER WHAT!<P>I told him the only thing I could think of her telling me that would really get to me is, "I'm pregnant". He told me that was a good one to bring up because I SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT have a go at that. Just maybe ask, "how long have you known?" Don't dig myself in deeper.<P>Don't get very specific on how we can make the marriage work. Just tell her I'm learning how to change myself in ways to have a better marriage. If she asks, "how" tell her to call him and he will explain MB principles.<P>He did say I should have the kids sit down & write a letter to her. She did ask me to ask them if they would. I did & they said, "yeah" but never did. I didn't push it.<P>I said, "Steve, it's been six months now! What's the deal?" We had a chuckle and he said you know about averages, right? Yeah, I know. <P>FHL, Privacy, schmivacy! If you all don't know almost everything about me already, then just wait a few more months!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

You sound able to keep on keeping on! <P>PS - How do ya do those ole smiley winks???

HI CHRIS - <BR>My H and I just started working with Dr. H - has it been 6 months since discovery? We have talked to him 1 x together and ea seperate - I like him alot - my H does to so I am excited - my H actually did the questionaire's the other night. But I need to put things into perspective to - I know Steve is good but I need a damn miracle - the A started just about a year ago and I found out in Jan - it has gone back and forth and i feel that it has run its course and I too have to protect my H from myself right now - I do a good job for a few weeks and then boom! I am glad you are talking to him - i love his perspective on things better than these other guys "so how did you feel when you were 5 " blaming everything in the world - which could take a lifetime instead of dealing with the issues and move forward - my H also really like his positive outlook - how he wouldn't accept any of his negativity (which my H is usually neg accept about this mess) I wish you the best - hope all is going well with your W keep up the positive attitude - everyone on this board needs to see the good it gives us all hope !! <BR>Love and prayers<BR>csco

Hey Chris<BR>Glad to see it was encouraging for you.<BR>Keep the positive thoughts!!!<BR>I like the letter from the kids idea.<BR>How are they?

tnt, I'm keeping on. The Paxil makes me an extreme short term manic depressive. I feel really good and then BOOM! I gotta pull over and cry so hard. 15 minutes later I'm okay. He suggested (since he's not a psychologist) I ask my Dr. about Celexa.<P>Smiley winks = ; and )<P>csco, yeah, he's very easy to talk to and makes you feel comfortable. Even without the couch! LOL! Good luck & keep at it! It's gonna take time so hang on.<P>That's exactly what he told me, "I need to protect my Wife from me!" as in angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements.<P>Make a mistake once, apologize then NEVER do it again!<P>ws, the kids are doing very well, I guess. I did make an appt with the child psychologist for my 8 year old (I had to put Steve on hold, cause he was on the cell phone when Steve called.)<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Hey Chris---Steve always has the exact same effect on me.<P>I'm glad that you had a good session. And I can just hear him going over the points with you---brings back "fond" memories... <P>Hey, you want to discuss the "I'm pregnant" response, I'm here for you. I got very high grades from Steve for that.

Chris, now I am bumming, did I give up too fast???? I just don't have the feelings for H any more. Not after he told me he is happy where he is and wants to move on and I should do the same. Guess I'm not as strong as I should be. this really sucks.

OK...after thinking about it a while longer, I get the lovebuster thing in the context of making progress.<P>Still Chris, be easy on yourself. You are not only a husband but a dad and you are trying to protect your kids and it is very natural to try to hold someone that is hurting them accountable.<P>I am glad you are feeling better. Thanks for sharing, since I see many of you as friends, I'm lapsing on my origional commitment to privacy.<P>Only thing in my case no one knows and it is best that way.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

K, I don’t know if I want to discuss it (maybe it’ll just go away!). Just thinking about and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Every time it pops in my head though I immediately think of you.<P>ATW, Did you give up too fast? Only you know the answer. It’s not too late if you’re unsure though. Yeah it is very difficult (extreme understatement of the year)<P>FHL, I’m easy on myself. I did feel really bad after I hung up with her. I don’t want to get mad at her or get her mad at me, after all I do still Love Her.

Hi all,<BR>Reading this discussion has been a "Quicker, Picker Upper" for me. I went to bed crying last night and woke up in a bad dream about om. I cryed more. It's been almost 1 year now and just when I thought things were improving, w pops up with yet another man. She is determined to find Mr Right. <P> Another thing that upsets me is the animosity that she continues to harbors towards me. I thought she had put it behind her but it all surfaced the other day. She sounded just like she did the day she walked out. I think she probably has found some new hope with om so she just wanted to let me have it.<BR> <BR> I feel abnormal because I can't seem to get over this thing. The mental pictures of her and om are haunting me. I want to move on with my life but I still want to hold on to the hope of her coming back. When will the nightmare end?<P> As always, I have my daughter(age9) this weekend. I'm going to try and hold myself together, and not think about w running around with om all weekend, while I'm trying to be the best Dad I can.<P> My wife thinks she is a teenager again. Smoking again drinking again and bar hopping. She just bought a new car. She really thinks she is "hot stuff". And justifies it all saying this is who she really is. When will she come to her senses? Could she be having a mid-life crisis at age 32? Am I losing my mind! Someone tell me that things will get better!<P> I know I'm rambling off topic but I feel better now. Really, I do.<P>Bye<BR>

hey Chris -<P>Just checking up on ya!! How are you doing? <P>So what's been happening the last couple of days? <P>Kids adjusting to school OK?<P>Talk to you later.<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba