Well all...I just posted earlier....<BR>He decided to talk about everything tonight...I had had a 40 just before that since I didn't want to hope he was going to show up here...<BR>Well he did show up....and wanted to talk about everything...he also talked to the OW tonight too...<BR>They had a fight and she started crying...and they did decide they would be cordial to each other at work...but nothing else...she told him the reason she broke up with him was because of me!!...ah geez....admitted her mistake....I asked if he admitted his mistake...he said they both admitted it was a mistake....heck I already knew that...but she gave him the "I still care" but it was wrong line...and he still has to work with her...<BR>He is trying to find another job...<BR>He then said that I should have figured out that he was back to stay??...I told him no...I needed to be told...<BR>So tomorrow he is going to wash his clothes and bring them back home....he is going to try for the marriage now...but he is still having problems putting her behind him....<BR>I tried my best explaining about the "addiction" thing to him but he never listens about that....<BR>One side note....he did say he still loves me twice...but then he couldn't say it again after saying he was so upset with himself....so guilty over what happened and is afraid it will happen again....but he wants to try on the marriage...<BR>I told him my feelings...and couldn't help crying...which really didn't help....although he understands why I cry...it hurts him to see me cry....and it's hurting him that Steph hasn't forgiven him yet....<BR>Help....I know we're on the right track....but if she tries to get him back again???...we'll be right back to the worst of it!!!....<BR>Help guys!!!...I know I should feel better...but right now I feel low.....I told him I felt like last choice...<BR>He kept saying it wasn't me...I had been the perfect wife....someting was wrong with him....I said midlife crises..but he says no....although wanting to run around like a teen sounds like midlife to me....he spouts midlife crises lines constantly...never on is own...yada yada yada....oh geez....he did say he was sorry...and he meant it...but will the marriage survive?...He is being honest with me totally now....<BR>Hellllppppp me feel better about this...I just feel like crying....

Your marriage will only survive if you BOTH want it to. You're obviously worn out. And that is totally understandable. You need to lay low for a spell (a few days?) just to regain your energy.<P>Are you really ready for H to come home yet? That is something you may want to consider.<P>Have you read SAA? You sound a lot like John felt when Sue decided to come home after her A didn't pan out. Read the book... it will guide you well in what you need to do now.<P>Try and stay positive. The fact that your H wants to come home and work on your marriage is WONDERFUL news!! Wasn't that your goal to begin with? Yes, it hurts to be 2nd choice... but do you know that for sure? After all, if the OW ended things because of you, wouldn't that mean that SHE was the 2nd choice and didn't like that position? Just a thought.<P>Take care of yourself.<P>Karen<BR>

Thanks Karen...I didn't think of it in that light...about her not being happy about him not divorcing me....made me stop and think...<BR>And no I'm not worn out yet....I was not allowing any hope during this past week....<BR>And then to have an identical conversation almost to the ones we had during the A...him looking for justification...well that tore me down a bit...<BR>Also all the he didn't do anything on his own crap tore me down more...<BR>But at the same time I took complete blame...and reiterated that he's here now and is going to try...and I did actually hear him say he does still love me...but then he lost the will to say it again...but I do know now that he does still love me...although he says it's different now??...he's still not quite out of withdrawl I think...but she's pushed him away once more and he's looking for a new job...so I should be feeling better....but it's hard to allow myself to feel better about it....I am ready for him to come home though...so I will let him come back...<BR>So much going on here at the same time as all this...darn land contract company is screwing us...so we'll be looking for a new house probably within these next 3 weeks...<BR>I guess he had to confront her and get really put off in order to make the final decision to really come here to stay....it hurts a bit that he did it that way....but at least I know she's not interested in continuing the mistake...and he is starting to come more out of the fog...so I'll allow him to finish coming out while living here with us...I just pray that he doesn't let me or my daughter down....<BR>Thanks for all your advice...I feel a lot better now....I know all the stuff he says is classic script...and it kills me that he is only being halfway logical...but at least there is some logic now...whereas before there was none....<BR>He does want to be here...and that's the important part....<BR>Time heals...<BR>

RE: After all, if the OW ended things because of you, wouldn't that mean that SHE was the 2nd choice and didn't like that position? Just a thought.<P>And a very good thought. Think of it this way. Your H had a choice. He could have given you up totally and done everything possible to prove to the OW that she was his one and only. Instead he was not able to do that. Yes, she broke it up but it was because in the end, he could not bring himself to put her first. It’s almost like he did not know how to end it directly so he put her in the position to end it for him.<P>You are first, that I why he came home. Your H had another choice. He could have chosen OW, you or to be on his own. If he did not want to be with you then he would be on his own.<P>Be good to yourself. Nurture yourself for a few days. <P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Ms. Mac - OK, you're in the driver's seat, now. Please just keep it in first gear.<P>Show your H SAA and tell him it will help his thought processes when he's ready to read it. Don't push it or anything else on him. Just make it available.<P>Expect setbacks. But you're interested in the long term. Don't assess your situation on every twist and turn. You can't react to every current in the river. OK?<P>Patience, time, consistency.<P>WAT

It was wonderful to hear some happy news! I'm glad that things are working out for you and wish you much success with your marriage!

Be happy about this - it's a positive step in the right direction, even though things are going slowly, they ARE moving forward. Patience....Hope....Faith. Keep thinking of these words <P>hugs, Paint.

I want to cry. I hope things work out. I pray for the day that happens to me.