Had a good evening with WH last night....it looks as though he wants to give our relationship a chance, but he's wary and wants to go slowly. He's not going to move back just yet, but wants to start by spending some time with me and the kids and seeing if he is able to focus on enjoying our company, rather than 'switching off' from us. He says it's getting better.... If this doesn't work, then he's willing to try counselling to see if that will help!<P>He has realised that a lot of the problems are within his own psyche, and he is finally admitting that they may be related to his age (but doesn't want to call it a MLC!).<P>He also wanted to 'Make Love' again, rather than just have 'sex'.....<P>No promises, but I KNOW that he must be serious about this, because the last thing he would want to do is hurt me again. He says that he NEVER wants to go through this ever again, and needs to be sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me....He no longer refers to OW as his 'soul-mate' or that they are 'destined' to be together, so that part of the fog has cleared at least.<P>I don't think we're quite in 'recovery' yet, but I do think it's on the horizon.<P>love Paint (Who is grinning like the Cheshire Cat )<P>

Paint:<P>Not quite <I>on</I> the road, but it looks like you've cleared the tollbooth.<P>By all means go slow: if your WH has not read <I>Surviving an Affair</I>, suggest it and make it available to him (without shoving it down his throat). Tell him it gave you invaluable insights and the will to go on.<P>As for how he feels: it is not uncommon, at least by my own experience. He is standing in the rubble of his affair, and feels some very powerful emotions: shame, guilt, remorse ... perhaps even despair that he cannot salvage his relationship with you.<P>Encouragement, encouragement, encouragement. Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. Tell him about this site, and about <I>His Needs, Her Needs</I> ... again, just to mention how helpful they were for you. Odds are, having been "teased" by the information, he will begin reading. At that point, you will be beyond the first step on this marvelous road.<P>This is one road where the more traffic there is, the better.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Hugs and Hugs Paint!<P>Just trust in God...step back and watch Him work miracles in your life...<P>That is the 'advice' I have been given....step back, don't push, let my H work this out for himself...<P>It is soooooooooooo hard....but I can 'see' miracles everyday as I follow this advice....<P>My prayers are with you,<P>Cali

Paint<P>I am kinda in the same spot w/my W (WS). She has even gotten to the point of saying she is coming home, but doesn't know when. Still wants time on her own to sort out *her* issues.<P>This is the time when you will need the most patience. They are struggling now w/making a life decision and I, like you, have the same belief of my wife that you do about your WH. I don't believe she would ever put me thru this again once she makes that commitment and I don't believe she would ever put herself thru it either. <P>You may be about to make it to the top of the hill, but remember the rest of the road has ups and downs too.<P>This is the part where I just keep telling myself--patience, patience, patience...two steps forward and one step back still means you are making progress.<P>Good luck <P>E <BR><P>------------------<BR>Lord give me patience, and give it to me NOW!